Newborns and Toddlers Sharing a Room

We have joint custody of my partners 31/2 year old boy and are about to have a baby girl (38wks). We are a bit limited to space in the house and I was wondering what the considerations should be in them sharing a room? I am very nervous about this. My partners little boy is lovely and gentle and I don't think he would ever hurt the new baby intentionally but want to make sure we set this up to be safe for all. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.

I was thinking of keeping them separate until the baby is 6 months?

Thanks,
Megan

I don't know if this would be of any help to you, but I was 2 1/2 when my sister was born and we shared a room right from the beginning. I don't see any problems with a toddler and newborn sharing a room. I presume that the newborn wouldn't be in the room alone with just the toddler all that much at the start, as you would be feeding your newborn every few hours, etc. Having said that, in your situation I would keep the newborn in my room for the first six months or so, not to intentionally keep her away from the little boy, but because I'd want time to be with and bond with my baby. (Hope this makes sense, my brain seems to be kind of slow tonight...)

Hmm. I would never leave a toddler with a baby, even when they are supposed to be asleep. What if she wakes him up and he wants to "help" put her to sleep? Or if he wakes up and wants to play with her? I can just see the dangers here. I believe SIDS guidelines say baby should share your room for a year and NEVER sleep with a toddler.

Plus, I think the boy may have issues with having to share his dad - he has to share his time between parents but his sister gets Dad all the time, IYSWIM. And if he no longer has "his" room but has to share with his sister when he's not there... I suppose I am creating a problem that may not exist, but it's worth considering.

Hey Megan

Congrats on your uncoming new arrival, how exciting!!

I'm with RF on this one. I wouldn't feel comfortable with them sharing a room. Maybe a bit futher down the track. Having a sibling is a lot to get used to and I think the little boy may need time to adjust.
But in saying that, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. If you haven't got the space then that's how it will have to be. And I'm sure it has been done a billion times before in other families, but just not something I feel totally comfy with.

All the best!

We have a similar problem and our son (now 50 and our daughter now (10mth) share a room. It is sometimes a problem when she wants a nap and he is on the computer or something, but they love sharing a room together. Ari loves waking up and seeing her big brother and vice versa. As she is a restless sleeper I often worry that she is distrubing his sleep but he doesn't seem to wake when she cries.

With the cot rails up DS has no chance of being able to get in with her or anything like that. I think they sleep better together than she did by herself as she can hear his breathing and knows someone is with her. HTH

Thanks to everyone who has replied. I too am a bit nervous of all the things that 'could' happen. I think I will contact SIDS and see what research has been done in this area.
Saram, how old was Ari when she went in with your son? I have a friend who put her kids in together when the little one was about 6 months and they loved it too. Nice to have company for both of them.
Thanks,
Megan

Saram - i had to laugh and do a double take - your son is 50! :)

But, Megan, i would agree with RF on this as well. I think if your DSS was your own, then, maybe things would be different, but, i think he might have issues already with teh seperation of his parents, and it might just be alot for him to deal with to have to share a room as well. On top of seeing his daddy have another baby, and his daddy be in a 'new family' iykwim?

Our son's shared a room from the start but Yasin was 16 months old when Imran was born not 3.5 so he couldn't possibly get into the cot.
Also when I say shared I mean it very loosely because Imran mostly slept in the hammock down stairs or in my bed so mainly it was Yasin's room and Imran's clothes and so on where in there. Over time Imran slept in there more often and now they go to sleep together (they co-sleep in a double bed) most nights although usually at least one of them will migrate to my bed overnight.
I would think that if I were in your position I would move them in together very gradually rather than all at once.

Megan, Ari was about 12wks? She slept in a bassinette in our room (which actually caused more problems as DS wanted to sleep in our room too) So it was good that the two of them slept in there. I was initally very nervous but DS actually raised the idea and eventually DH convinced me to give it a try. What does your DS think about it?

Debbie - haha too much late night typing

Thanks again,

I think we will start her in with us as originally planned and see how it goes. I haven't talked to DS about it - the cot is in his room so i expect he may have thought about it. I can imagine he will want to be in our room too if the baby is there. I hadn't thought of that. Oh what fun we will have. :-) Slowly, slowly I guess. Which suits me too. It's hard isn't it as there is now way you want to put your baby or other children at risk of hurting or being hurt. Thanks again to everyone.

I wouldn't even consider it initially. I visited a gf recently with my then 7 month old. Her 3 year old was incredibly good with my DD, but she was eager to show her all of her toys so my DD ended up being swamped in toys. I could just imagine a 3.5 year old doing the same thing through the sides of the cot, ending up with your new baby being surrounded with potential dangers. And even worse would be any issues that might come up out of jealousy - its your DSS's room and he might be upset at the thought that this new baby comes along and not only takes time away from him and his daddy (and you) but takes his room as well. I would be keeping the new baby in with you for as long as possible and then just assess the situation down the track as your watch the children interact.