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I need to become alot less high strung.
Anyone with techniques on how to not let things drive you nuts (stupid petty things) please help me.
I just cant seem to walk away from something, or let it go.
if i cant do this then i dont think my marriage is going to work.
i dont do any of these things myself.. but what about meditation? your yoga or somethign llike that?
im not sure how much it would help, but may be worth a try?
is that the kind of thinkg you are after?
i always think meditation wouldnt be for me - but really, untill you give it a go.. who knows!
Nessa - In my yoga class on Sat, My mantra for this week was "to take things in, process them, and let them go." And i am not sure how I am going to do this yet... I think in really small steps. I think for me, it is acknowledging it, and then accepting it for what is is, then letting it go and walking away, not taking it upon myself to fix it, or to make it into something bigger than it is... I will let you know if I have any success...
I have been really feeling quite stressed too, and it is causing me some issues... I am considering doing acupuncture again, as it really helped me clear some blockages and let things go.
Also, the pg hormones seem to make things worse for me.
Hope you find a way through this. :hug:
Acupuncture has helped calm my nerves heaps. I have a very stressful life and also have a heart condition and find the only thing that brings any calm over me is the AP.
Nessa, well done for recognising that you need some strategies for dealing with stress! It must be a really trying time for you right now with the little ones and troubles with DH. Hugs!
In addition to the other good tips listed about, I have a few ideas:
1. Use a meditation or relaxation tape as often as you can.
2. When you get repetitive thoughts and can't let something go, say aloud "stop" and clap your hands. Then think of a phrase like "this too will pass" and do some deep breathing. It might help to have something you can hold onto as well like a lavender bag and squish it while you do some deep breathing.
3. Trivialise what's stressing you. Put it in perspective. Think - Is this something that I want to upset me? Will it matter to me in 30 years? Does this matter more or less than my family?
4. Recognise what is beyond your control. Ask yourself: Can I change this situation? Most often the answer is that you can't change other people you can only change how you respond to them.
5. Also, i think that vitamin B is meant to help with stress.
HTH and that you can understand my suggestions!
It's not all you, you know.
What will DH be doing to help the marriage survive the strain?
Ditto Ruth. I tend to visualise and put it in perspective. Eg, Is it really that bad? What's the worse that could happen? It's my choice how I react to other people and situations. Thinking about it in the big scheme of things. Writing all this stuff down helps as well. Having a list of affirmations and your goals or similar on your fridge or in your purse or somewhere you can pull it out and read it whenever you feel stressed and overwhelmed can help you see the bigger picture.
I agree with Lulu too, DH needs to do his bit as well. It goes both ways.
One good technique i learnt during a childcare course of mine to use when you are stressed, your mind is racing or just need to calm down for some reason is:
Close your eyes...
* Breathe in and count to 5 in your head
* Hold the breath and count to 5 in your head
* Breathe out and count to 5 in your head
* Hold it and count to 5 in your head
Then repeat the above. Just keep repeating, not thinking about anything else except breathing and counting. You should find a noticeable difference in your heartrate and feel alot calmer after about 5 or so times of doing this.
Hope this helps.
Kell - that's very similar to what I do, but I try to visulise a box being drawn as I do it.
I also find just holding my breath helps sometimes. Holding and then letting go slowly, thinking of whatever is annoying me as I breathe out, so I breathe out the stressor.
Smiling and nodding - smiling with my eyes. Laughing when I get upset, before I start to stress badly - eg DS wees on the ground and laughing as I pick him up - it's only a little thing but I find its the little things that stress me badly.
Stewing over little things makes them big - keeping a list in your head of indiscretions doesn't help you destress, rather the opposite.
And you know what they say - take care of the little things, and the big things take care of themselves.
Yeh its a great technique.. ive also found it great to get you to fall asleep when youre having trouble!
Kazbah - Laughter is often the best way out of a situation. My DH can sometimes tell when I am about to burst and can often make me laugh and get past it.
I had forgotten that technique.
Thanks!
Some great suggestions, and well said Ruth :)
I really oscillate from getting quite stressed about things to just learning to let go. I'm getting better as I age.
I LOVE the phrase: "This too will pass" I've said it more times in BB than I can count.
I imagine lying on my death bed a lot when I am so worked up about an issue that i just can't let it go. I imagine what i would think looking back over my life... "will the fact that DH always left wet towels on the carpet make me wish that i could live a moment longer to make him understand how wrong it is?" Sometimes this actually strengthens my resolve: "will it matter that I don't teach my family to stop wasting water because it's a precious resource that no one should take for granted" "yes yes yes!" I worry a lot about the legacy of the environment we are leaving for our children.
Get in touch with nature. Meditate on a tree. That tree was probably there when you were born and will be there as you die. How big are your problems really? Life will go on. Will it go on in angst or peacefully?
What's more important? Being right or showing that you are the bigger person because you have to strength to say that you are wrong...even if you are not. If you are brave enough to say "Ok, I am wrong here too" that is a challenge to the other person to be humble and admit their mistakes too. I don't want to be remembered as a grumpy, antagonistic, proud, angry person if i was to die tomorrow. I want to be remembered as fair... as easy going.... as nice to be around. That might be the cost of "letting go".
I'm not sure what your DH is like and he may have a role in this too.... but you are your own person and as hard as it may be we shouldn't blame others for our faults. It all starts with you... who knows he might be inspired by your attitude to do some changing too :)
I try to find alternate reasons behind DH rude comments, tone of voice, snapping etc... Usually it is a bad day at work, nicotine withdrawal..... I'm aware that there is usually another cause for his mood, but I'm the one who he takes it out on. It is unfair to hurt the ones you are suppose to love the most, which is why they know they can get away with it. I usually tell myself over and over, it is his problem, not mine. I will tell him it was hurtful the way he spoke to me and that when he can be civilised again I'm happy to talk/listen etc...
I hope this helps in some way.
Nessa, I have the same problem - and its always silly little things too!!
What I do is write down what annoying me on a sheet of paper and fold it up and put it on the fridge for later - then dont think about it til later. A couple of hours later, I ll read all the notes on the fridge, and if it seems silly or not important, then it goes in the bin and I know I dont need to stress about it.
If the problem does really need to be addressed, then it goes back on the fridge until the next day, and then it gets addressed with cool heads.
The best thing is "Will this matter in 2 years time?" If it really wont, forget it, and move on, if it will, address it later on when you can think objectively.
A little OT, but when you are having troubles with something the DH is doing/saying/being etc, when talking to him about it, say "When you......., I feel........." rather than just getting mad and confronting him. My DH doesnt do confrontation, so I had to learn how to be upset and angry and still get through to him, and this technique helps us A LOT!
Good luck! :)