Ideas on age for little ones to self settle

Hi All,

My dter is 9 months old, we have a nice sleep routine, I lie with her, hold her hand, sing, replace dummy etc till she falls asleep during day (2 day time sleeps for 1.5 hours each) and at night (takes 5-15 minutes) :). At night she ususally needs resettling after 45 minutes and sometimes replacing dummy a bit more. She has a top up breastfeed at 11pm when we go to bed and wakes once or twice through the night for feeds. Sometimes she is in our bed, sometimes a cot next to our bed, depends on her needs.
I am starting to wonder around what age I should think about teaching her to fall asleep without me .... if at all .... will it happen naturally when she is a toddler or do I have to teach her?? I am fine with how things are but am concerned I am 'babying' her and that I should be teaching her skills to fall asleep by herself? I do not want to control cry but am not sure what other techniques I could use if any..... views and experiences of others would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks so much!

I would highly recommend a book called "The No Cry Sleep Solution". I have forgotten the author's name but it is very pro-child and not at all about letting your baby scream. It has lots of tips on getting co-sleeping bubs to sleep on their own, and so on.

I agree, this book "The No Cry Sleep Solution" is excellent - author is Elizabeth Pantley. The book is filled with gentle suggestions to help your little one sleep through the night and self settle. No overnight miracles but no crying involved. This is the first book I have found which supports a gentler parenting style.

I found it interesting how you mentioned that you have a "good sleep routine" -- it seems very time consuming to be sitting there waiting to put a soother back in their mouth esp at 9 months, or holding their hand til they fall asleep. A baby at that age should be able to put themselves to sleep and not needing you to help them. Simply set up a routine (bath, book, lights, etc.) then put to bed drowsy --- and they learn to fall into a deep sleep themselves.

Heather

My DS has only just started falling asleep by himself - and he's nearly 14 months old!!! He was really good, then started day care where they pat to sleep, so now he expects that. But the last couple of nights, we wind up his music toy thingy, stroke his head and back until the song dies down (bout 3 mins?) and then walk out. Usually one of us has to go back in there to keep patting until he is asleep, but lately, he has been falling asleep on his own without a peep. Maybe they just decide to do it on their own.
If you want to give it a try, just try leaving when she is just about to fall asleep, and then backing off a little each month or something to give her a chance to fall asleep by herself?
And for what its worth, a little bit of time spent patting your child on the back isn't going to hurt any - not like you will be doing it when they are 15 or anything and its a nice bonding experience for both of you. I don't mind it too much - happens to be the most peaceful part of my day :D
Good luck :D

This book sounds good i am going to check with my local librart or college library to see if they have it.

Some kids just need reassurance.

DD1 has always self settled pretty much from day 1. I never sat with her, sang, read books. We never had a routine until she was 6-8 months old (thanks to a great chicky Tara who helped me soooooo much..love ya babe). Now at 15 months she is a gem. Bed no problems day or night.

DD2 was in our room until 8 weeks old...and from then on she settled herself.

I think kids get used to 'mummy does this and this then i do this and that' after a while. Maybe try a comfort toy, blanket or something your baby associates sleep with?

DD2 knows at night when she gets wrapped its big sleep time....sleeps through 10-12 hours a night no wake up for feeds or anything.

DD1 knows when she is put in bed with a dummy and her pink dolly (Isabella) is sleep time.

I guess it depends on who you ask! I rang tressillian (sp?) yesterday about DS (who is 2.5 months) to get some ideas for getting him to sleep longer (he settles fine & goes to sleep, but will only do one sleep cycle before waking up). They think at his age, he should be settling himself to sleep? That I should be walking out of the room & letting him self-settle (just going back in to comfort if he gets upset).

I'm not sure what I think!

when i got rid of the dummy my dd's sleep changed DRAMATICALLY.... i cannot tell you how wonderful it was to not have to be putting the dam dummy back in every 45 minutes throughout the night... she is great overnight sleeper now at 11months, perfect in fact... it took a long time though and a lot of mucking about...

for me if i were to have a second i would be (i guess) expecting them to self settle on most occassions probably from around 7 - 10 months..... but if i get a baby that loves cuddles then who knows, as i will be cuddling him or her to sleep as i didnt get to do that with my darling independant dd.....

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I guess it depends on who you ask! I rang tressillian (sp?) yesterday about DS (who is 2.5 months) to get some ideas for getting him to sleep longer (he settles fine & goes to sleep, but will only do one sleep cycle before waking up). They think at his age, he should be settling himself to sleep? That I should be walking out of the room & letting him self-settle (just going back in to comfort if he gets upset).

I'm not sure what I think!

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I feel that 2 1/2 months is far too young to be self-settling. IMO a baby that young needs comfort from his Mum.

Celsie. xoxox

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I feel that 2 1/2 months is far too young to be self-settling. IMO a baby that young needs comfort from his Mum.

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I think it depends on the child. DS is 4 months now and has been self settling for weeks now. If there is any sign of distress from him, I go straight back in - he tells me if he needs me, but most of the time I wrap him, give him his dummy and walk out. He goes to sleep without a fuss.

Ezz - both my babies have done the one sleep cycle thing!! It drives you nuts but with consistent resettling, they do learn to put themselves back to sleep without you having to help them. DS is now able to do this often on his own, sometimes I still need to help him resettle but I know from experience with DD that they do get it eventually with lots of help from mummy along the way!

Hi Happy - Our DS is now 10 months and we have gone through periods of great self settling, then really interrupted sleep, now we are working on getting him to self settle. We figured it was time to begin (slowly) as he keeps launching himself on pillows during the day. We are just doing a bedtime routine of saying goodnight then milk then we pop him in the cot. Usually he jumps up a few times but unless he cries we dont do anything except say 'sleepy time'. If he cries we give him a cuddle then put him back down. Eventually (at this point after doing it for about 5 days he takes about half an hour) he just lies down with his dummy and blanky and goes to sleep. It takes a while at this point but he seems really happy during the process - if he was getting distressed we would re-think the plan. We cant leave the room yet though otherwise he gets upset so we just lie down on our bed (in the same room) with a book or the like. We dont ignore him - if he tries to get our attention (usually by giggling the little monkey) we just give him a smile and say sleepy time again so he gets used to the word. Eventually we want to move on to being able to leave him to self settle without us in the room but hes not at that point yet.
HTH

Thanks so much everyone - I have just purchased the book on e-bay and am looking forward to reading about the gentle strategies it suggests. It is re-affirming to hear how everyone's experiences are so different and that being guided by our little ones' needs means there is no 'right' age, just what feels right for us. Thanks krysallis - this strategy you are using feels like the next step from where we are at the moment. It may be a long process, but it will be gentle!
Thanks again to you all.
:D