we need help! pls help us! settling techniques

Hi everyone.

So me and Aurelia are having problems. She's often really difficult to settle, and tends to be half-asleep but wake up a lot (crying) or wake up every time I try to sneak out after putting her down for a sleep. She doesn't nurse to sleep anymore, more or less, and i've found that wrapping her and walking with her while rocking her up and down gently are working best right now, but tthat's sometimes impossible because of the hot weather (and other times it just doesn't work period). Not to mention, she's heavy!

I used to have her in a routine, but we fell out of it. She starts crying straight after her bath and the battle begins, which is why I don't massage her anymore.

I could really use some advice on some settling techniques, and how to get her into a routine again!

Thanks
<3

Hi Babysocks

Rocking and singing worked best for my DD but I would only rock her into a relaxed/sleepy state not fully asleep. Apparently baby's normal sleep cycle is about 40 mins so unless they're used to going to sleep on their own they'll wake up then and not be able to get back to sleep. The best thing one of the MCHNs told me is that babies are not born knowing how to sleep, we have to teach them. I like to think we can teach them very gently and not have to resort to CC. I also think a lot of it is being able to spot their sleepy signs - which often change. My DD used to be a thumbsucker when she was tired so that was REALLY easy. Then she stopped sucking her thumb and her tired signs became much more subtle (just staring into the distance OR getting a bit hyper which I could easily confuse with her being wide awake). They like to keep us on our toes, I tell ya.

Looking back, I had to perservere with it. Took about three days before she really got it - which doesn't sound that long but it was probably around 25 sleeps in total! I can't tell you how tempting it was to just rock her to being fully asleep but I figured this would be a shortcut so instead perservered sometimes up to 40 minutes each time. Rock into light sleep, put down and if she woke up straight away do the same thing over again. I'd never let her cry. I also used verbal cues like "shhhh ... sleepy time". And when I was really desperate made up a song called "Babies Need a Sleepy Time, Yes They Do." ! I still sing that to her now sometimes and she always smiles so I'd like to think it's there in her memory banks somewhere.

Now I can put her down fully awake and just say, "shhh ... sleepy time" a lot and most of the time she'll go straight to sleep (ish). I'd also put something in her cot that she finds comforting and associates with sleep - my DD likes her fluffy blanket that she used to have in her bassinette. So when I put her down, she rolls straight over, grabs her blanky and puts her thumb in her mouth.

Sorry if that's told you a lot of what you already know!

If I feel like things are going a bit haywire with DD, it's often because she's changing her routine (I use that term loosely) so I tend to just stay home with her for a couple of days and keep a note of when she successfully goes to sleep. Sometimes I've found that I'm trying to do the same as the previous week but this week she wants to stay up longer so I try to go with the flow and let her lead me.

Ok, for a start, could you try having the bath earlier? I used to have the same problem with DS2 until DH said to me one day that he was too tired and we should try having the bath earlier. That worked a treat.

Then use that as the start of your new routine. A routine for me has really only been following my babies' cues anyway. They both used to be really tired within an hour of waking up in the morning, so I put put them back down to sleep between 30 and 60 mins after they woke up - depending on when their tired sign started. If you start noticiing those patterns and going with them, the routine will fall into place.

As for settling, well there are a few things you can try. I think a sling is a great idea and means you can walk her without the weight of carrying her. Wrapping never worked for us, my boys hated it. But stick with it if it's working for you. You can also try soothing music, gentle patting, co-sleeping. My boys both used to like having a sheet over their heads - DS1 was even pulling one over his own head before he was 3 months old. You could also try a cuddly of some sort. I think a lot of it is trial and error and then stick with what works. GL.

Thanks :D

We already co-sleep, and if we didn't I think sleep would be much more of a battle than it is now. I started off putting her in a basinette but i'd always fall asleep while breastfeeding her (as opposed to when she was asleep in her basinette, in which case I couldn't sleep because I was waiting for her to wake up!), and waking up with her in bed with me anyway so it just sort of happened.

I've tried giving her her bath earlier, it seems that she's then too awake? I guess that's okay, Like perhaps I could read her a story and have some play time and such before she finally goes down. I read somewhere on this site that it can help to tire bubs out before trying to get them to sleep, so I was thinking i'd put her in her bouncer some time before her bath each night?

Do you have Pinky McKay's book, Sleeping Like a Baby? That might be a good help for you.

We give DS a feed after his bath & that seems to work really well for the night sleep. (so our routine goes bath, feed, sleep)