SAHMotherhood: the work/play blurr...arrrggghhh!

I've been wanting to do this thread for ages.

How do other SAHM's cope with the imprecise defining of work/play/rest... for YOURSELF? For me it always seems all mixed up. I try to do some work, say, peg the clothes on the line, but my boys beg me to sit near the sandpit and play with them or else they'll throw pegs etc to get my attention... so sometimes I do... then I try to get back into the swing of work... but I have to stop to sort an argument... then I work a bit more... need a rest... oh might as well have a look at BB (play)... but no, boys are hungry, better make a meal (work)... ok I'll sit down too and have something to eat... whoops had better run that errand (work) .... there's a nice park (play).... ok, home now to see daddy, better do a quick tidy up (work)... "Hi darl, how was you day?" (try to slow down to chat/play?)... watch DH playing with the boys (oh I wish my routine was so defined! He knows he has left work and may now play)... I go make dinner....

The evening is meant to be a transition from working to resting and playing but often it is interrupted to work (Mum I need help with my assignment!)... the weekend for your average office worker is a combination of rest and play... but for the SAHM it's work as usual.... trying to grab moments of play rather than knowing exactly when to expect them.

I heard someone say the other day.... "yeah, he works hard and plays hard". I feel like I can do neither. It's all mixed up. I can't get any momentum doing either... I don't feel as if I am getting enough of either done. I am always trying to work and or play but constantly interrupted while trying to do both. Am I the only one????

Nope you're definitely not the only one. That described my time as a SAHM to a tee. Now, however, that I'm working and studying, and DH is primarily caring for Charlie and looking after the house (he's on LS leave) the work/play/rest 'sections' of my day have become a lot more distinct, whereas his has blurred. He said to me last night that he never feels 'off the clock'. :rolleyes: I said you're been doing this for 2 weeks, I've done this for years, and you're complaining?

So yes I know what you mean, definitely, Bath. Though as much as I feel saner now, I still kinda miss the chaos. :p

Oh no, you're not alone Bath! I constantly struggle with this! Though I find if I forget about it, I feel alot more relaxed (go figure :rolleyes:).

Thing is, I can't see any way around it for me. It's just the way things are with small children around, the lot of a SAHM, so to speak. I find myself thinking 'if only I knew when he would sleep, and how long for, then I could structure my day better'. But of course, that's not going to happen, DS is an unpredictable soul, and I have to learn to live with that. Little Miss Control Freak has to loosen up LOL.

I actually cope with it fine really, it's just my mind feels so disorganised IYKWIM. I think I get just as much done, possibly more, but I can't feel ordered in my mind, and that drives me a bit nuts :)

Thanks girls :) I know what you mean about trying not to think about it too much... I think my problem is that I think too much in general, about everything... i wish i could just get up and DO.... without actually analysing my predicament LOL I like to think I'm good at spontaneity but sometimes I'd just love a bit of predictability... just for a little while...

here's me going to bed... wishing that i could rest in the knowledge that i will be getting 6 hours uninterrupted rest... well, it does happen, sometimes.

Due to having 5 little monsters to organise, My day is pretty structured. Once the kids go off to school, its play time... after some play, the boys are happy with tv or dvd or Kane will sleep, so I get some quick housework. We do lunch together then story, then its bed at 1.00pm. I have till 3.30pm for work and play till anyone needs me.:p I consider my self very lucky my boys cooperate with me... so far!!!:D When i had 3 littlies at home my day was more like yours!! Good luck honey finding some peace in your day!:rolleyes:

I don't cope with it well at all, I am a crap SAHM, just can't seem to get myself organised and stay on track. Many a day's plans getting completely thrown, bubs in clingy mood, cranky mood, just need to get her out of the house etc. Always feel as though I am behind the 8 ball "work" wise and at the same time I am neglecting her by not playing with her enough. Sometimes I do try to combine me time with play time by taking her to a play centre under the theory that she plays whilst I have a cuppa and read the newspaper. That fails though as she wants me to play with her (thanks to those parents who get on the equipment with their kids :rolleyes: ). Just can't seem to get it right.

that about sums up my day too. What I find the hardest to deal with is DH thinking its so easy to get everything done in a day and wondering why I didn't get xyz done and its hard to get through to him that all I need is a cranky child, unsettled baby etc to throw things right out. And then some days I just say 'bugger it - I'm not doing much today' and yeah, I do pay for it the next day when I am a day behind in everything, but I have to do that so I can have my play time.

You definitely aren't alone! I'm a SAHM, but I also run a small business from home and I have been having a break from it since my second DS was born, but I am starting again this week. I keep wondering "how is this going to work?!". As soon as I get stuck into something DS2 will wake up from his nap and it gets left half finished and I'm also mindful that DS1 doesn't get neglected while I'm working. ARRGH! I'd love some predictability too, but I guess until all our kids are in school we're not going to get it!

I am slowly learning to just let it go and do what I can when I can and not get stressed about it. :hug: Hugs to you, we all understand where you are coming from!

Yes, I struggle to get things done and I only have one! I'm finding it hard to get out of the house and it's beginning to get to me. Initially it was physically impossible (dodgy back which meant I was only meant to walk for 10 mins every other day) plus we have huge front steps so difficult to get the pram up and down them. So I kind of resigned myself to the fact that I would have to spend most time indoors (thank goodness for BB).

Now I'm a bit more physically healthy, it's still a struggle because I don't like waking up DD from a nap to take her out. If I could do it by just putting her in the pram, I'd be out more often but the pesky steps make it all a bit of a drama.

I find it's really good for me to get out with her as early as possible and then I feel like I've achieved something so much easier to get motivated to get other stuff done during the day after a 'win' on the board.

So even if I can't get out, I try to make sure I have a 'win' first thing - that could be putting a load of washing on, paying a few bills, doing a shopping list or chopping some veggies. Once you've done something, no matter how small, that keeps you motivated.

I also try to have a mini to-do list with a manageable number of things on it for the day. It might only be washing, folding and a couple of phone calls but if I get them done I feel terrific. If I'm over-ambitious and put too many things on there, I just get demotivated so start small is my tip. Then if I've done everything I don't feel disorganised or guilty when we're playing and if I haven't quite finished what I meant to, I know I can cut short our playing by 5 mins because it's only going to take a short amount of time to get done what I want to get done (rather than having an absolutely endless list in my head that I'm constantly trying to prioritise and going around in circles with it).

I struggle on a selfish "me" level. I rarely feel connected with myself. That I miss. Its funny but I don't want to go out and spend money or pamper myself I just want a couple of hours in MY house in peace. That doesn't include tip toeing around during nap time. But I know I've only got this year before Seth is at 3 y.o. Kinder so I best make the most of my time with him. Soon they'll both be at school then I won't know quite what to do with myself.

oh I'll know what I'll do with myself alright LOL. You raise a great point Cai - soon all our babies will be at school and we will get some semblance of a 'normal and structured' day back again.

I suffer it too Bath you definitely aren't alone!

THe way i (try to) combat it is by having running shortlists of things that i MUST do.

For instance everyday for DD i MUST:

-Make sure she has good nutritious food.
-Make sure she gets out in the fresh air, unless it is really TERRIBLE weather (if it's just raining we go a walk with her in the buggy to keep dry).
-Make sure she's read to several times.
-Make sure she doesn't feel neglected - she's quite vocal and can accept "mumma's busy honey" once or twice but the third time i have to drop whatever it is and give her attention.
-Take her to a toddler group once a week (usually we do 2, but 1 is my minimum)

for the house i MUST:
-Do the washing (once it mounts up it's terrible to sort out)
-Do the dishes (as above)

for me i MUST:
-Get on BB/internet at least a little (i'm a SSAHM - today i'd not have had ANY adult conversation if it weren't for the internet)
-Run or get to the gym, (unless it's Friday)

I tend to mix and match and mentally tick them off. If i get to bedtime without having read to her enough we have 4 or 5 books at bedtime. If i get to the end of the day and haven't done the dishes i put them to soak overnight and do them before breakfast the next day. I also don't always count playing with DD as "play" for me because often at 8.15am, as horrible as it makes me sound, i'd rather drink a coffee and stare out of the window than crawl around the floor with 3 teddies on my back...not always, but often. LOL.

I am excited to live with DP as i know his working hours will give me more structure (i.e. planning at least my getting up and cooking and so on around his day, and once i'm working again when DD is in nursery i'll have to get up and run in the early mornings to fit them in, and will have to be back for breakfast and to get a shower and get DD ready and so on and so on) and that will hopefully help. I don't ever get to lie in and always put DD to bed at 7.30pm but i can totally see how single SAHM's could end up letting their lifestyle slide and slide and slide...

Bx

Oh thankyou girls! Y'know it has been such a release to just express my frustration and know that I've been heard! As I type (single fingered while BFing) I am trying to combine work and play... it sounds terrible to say that BF is work though... it's not really. Cai, you said it perfectly: I just need a chance to re-connect with myself... just a regular half hour where I know I can sit and think. Even as a child I would put myself in regular 'time out' just so I could process things.... I remember clearly needing time after school to draw. School was stressful for me and all I wanted was time alone to digest it. But mother would demand I go outside and get some fresh air... so I would end up playing with the neighbourhood kids... then I'd try again after dinner... and I'd often get that time before bed... afterwhich I'd go straight to sleep (my 4yo is the same, demands to go to bed! we both need a lot of sleep). But my mother always viewed that need to be alone with suspicion, like it wasn't natural... when I read Aldous Huxley's Brave New World I could relate to the part where chararcters would express confusion at the idea of actually wanting to be alone (in BNW to be alone was illegal) my mother seemed confused as to why I would want to be alone in my room.

Anyhow... ATM my 4yo is at Kinder and my toddler is asleep :dance: and I've found a moments peace! Found a summary of Brave New World... going to post it in the Literary forum if anyone is interested. Hoobley I agree with the reading... it is a "must".... I read to my 4yo quite a lot but not enough to my toddler who won't often sit still... I also need a good amount of time each day to read for myself... it I don't get this time i get quite depressed by the lack of mental stimulation. Thank the powers-that-be for BellyBelly!

LOL Bath, then we'd have to call you 'Benita Marx' ;)