Starting IVF and feel like a number

Hi there...DH and I recently met an IVF Doctor for the first time, ready to register and start treatment. We found the specialist to be very insensitve, not caring, laid back and basically both felt it wasn't a good start! We are excited to move forward, and know that from here we will mainly be dealing with the IVF nurse in our area, before travelling again to see the specialist for the egg collection etc, so it's basically going to be OK.
I just wondered if anyone else has felt like their specialist really didn't care less about their case, that you were just a number, another pay cheque almost? It really felt like he was ticking boxes to get us started and that was it, he didn't ask much about my personal medical history/ectopic pregnancy etc at all. He didn't even know the answers to some of our IVF questions and said the nurse could tell us. He also made some fairly insensitive comments.

Hi Possums,
Welcome and good luck on your IVF journey! Although it doesn't sound like you had a very good start..
My advice would be to find another FS if you are not happy with your current one. IVF is a pretty intense journey and you need to feel comfortable and 100% confident in your doctor (and you are also paying them a lot of money!)
The first specialist I saw sounded exactly the same as what you are describing your current FS to be like. He treated my DH and I like a number, he was difficult to make appointments with, he fobbed off our questions and concerns..in short, it was a horrible experience. I persevered for about 4 months with him and then went elsewhere (he also made it very difficult for us to take all of our current test results when we switched doctors - watch out for that one!). My FS now is an absolute darling who I would trust absolutely. Nothing is too much trouble for him. I am so glad I made the decision to switch specialists when I consider just how different my current FS is to my first one.
Remember - you are in charge of your treatment and there is no point in giving all your hard earned money to someone you are not happy and confortable with. Maybe just check and see if there is another FS belonging to the same clinic that you can go to??
Good luck!

Hi Possum - you aren't my husband by chance are you? I only ask because that was his exact experience with our first FS.

He found her bedside manner appalling and refused to go back to see her. I didn't mind so much because as a scientist I understood what she was talking about and wasn't too concerned about her manner - but he was scared about the whole process and her very clinical approach didn't help.

I agree with Brissie girl - find someone who you are both happy with because it is a hard enough time without not liking your Dr as well.

i am just starting 1st cycle IVF/ ICSI next month and i was really suprised as i expected the fs to be like you explained as a lot of experts are. but ours asked us to call him by first name and was very relaxed and friendly and i am very happy with him, if i was paying all that money to someone i wasn't happy with or had confidence in i would not be happy, are there any alturnatives for you?. i suppose that in some of the bigger cities you may be a number but you shouldn't be made to feel like that . janet

Possums, are there any alternatives for you there? It's such an intimate and confronting experience and you need to be 100% confident in your doctor, even though you do spend most of your time dealing with the nurses while cycling. It's your doctor that makes the decisions, and you need to feel that you can trust them, and that they will take your concerns seriously. However, I do realise that you may not have too many options in Port Macquarie.

Even being here in Sydney, I have a doctor that takes a personal interest in my case, knows our history, treats us like regular human beings, jokes around with us and gives us all the time that we need in a consultation. Of course, he's like that with everyone and so is often running up to an hour late (but this doesn't stop him spending an hour with you if that's what you need!).

I do hope it's possible for you to use a different doctor. There's no way I could go ahead with a doctor like that, but that's mostly my history of IVF complications talking there.

I've just been spending a bit of time with google, and while it appears that there's only Sydney IVF in your area, there are two doctors listed there on the web site, perhaps you could try the other one and see if they suit you better?

BW

:hug:

My first thoughts were if possible change FS. this is such a roller coaster on its own without you not being comfortable with the person 'deciding' whats hapopening with your body. if you dont have much choice, just focus on how lovely the clinic nurses are and know they are the main people you deal with. but having a FS your comfy with really helps. best of luck!!!

Possums,
I have to agree with the others - if you are able to, I would be changing FS. IVF is not an easy process, and even if you are succesful first go, there will still be times when you want to ask the silly questions, need reassurance etc etc - and when you need answers from your FS, not just the nurses (although they are a very important part of the process).

There is nothing wrong with getting a second opinion. A friend of mine, who has undergone IVF, reminded me the other day that FSs, doctors etc etc may be specalists and think that they are important, but ultimatly they are service providers. They are paid to provide a service to you and your DH, so if you dont like the service they provide, find another!

:goodluck2: on your journey to your :bfp:

Yeah, i felt like a number myself today. Just starting medicated FET - Clinic rang me as I didn't say on the Consent Form how many embryos I wanted transferred - but the form said 'Has your FS explained the procedure to you .... number of embryos' etc etc. Well I didn't sign that part because I've not spoken with him.

I did speak with the clinic some time ago but didn't get a straight answer, I rang the FS and made an appointment - his secretary left a message on my mobile phone saying that he didn't need to see me. He has now gone on 3 weeks holiday and is not contactable. The nurse said that I couldn't speak with anyone else because they did not know my history and that I would have to decide. I pointed out that I am not medically qualified to make the decision and that all the information I have on this has been derived from the internet. Needless to say that they won't go ahead unless I complete the form - which I will stating 1 embryo.

:)

Possums

I agree with everyone else... this is already such a stressful and emotional journey - you need to have everyone on YOUR side, so if that means changing FS if at all possible then that is probably what you should do. The fact that you have even posted this thread shows how dissatisfied you were with him and how you really expected something more. Yes, working with the nurses is also important, but if you have an even slightly complicated history, then your ability to communicate with your FS will be an integral part of your AC journey. Whatever you decide, good luck with your journey.

Cherylxx

i'm a little in two minds with how to reply to this one possums. in so many many ways i agree with the "find another FS" thought set, but being regional myself, i know how very difficult that can be - especially if you have to undertake additional travel. in your situation, if there is no other FS available, i would avail myself of the nurses and see how you "click" with them. so far, i've dealt with only two nurses - one while going through the IUI's (and any local FS appointments) and the IVF coordinator. both have been fantastic. both have been prepared to speak to me as often as i've needed. both have helped me if i'm unsure of what the FS has meant. in all honesty, without doubling my travel (and an hour each way is enough when you're talking country miles!) i don't have a choice of FS, so i've made the most of the one i have. he's not perfect - hell, last appointment he was talking about moving to a stim cycle cos he missed the page that said i had frozen embryo's! - but, in my mind, he's just the figure head to coordinate my treatment, and if i can get along ok with the nurses, then i'm set. he's only there for the nitty gritty anyway - they do the rest of the work...

with reference to the insensitve comments, i would address them with the nurse first - just let slip in conversation that you were taken aback by his attitude and what he said - at least that way it should get back to him that you weren't happy, without any nasty repercusions. personally, i would give him a go for your first cycle - you don't know whether he's always like that or whether it was honestly just a bad day... if you're unfortunate enough to have to do another cycle (hope not!!), and his attitude remains the same, then i'd shop around, but for right now, any change of FS is another delay in getting to the point where your dreams will be fulfilled.... (iykwim??)

good luck with moving into your first cycle

BG