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Hi guys,
I'm new to the forum and pregnant with my first, but have joint care of my DH three kids (aged 10, 7 & 6). We haven't old the kids I'm pregnant yet but hope they will be over the moon with having a new sibling. Has anyone had any experience with this? I'm worried they might feel excluded or that the baby is getting all the attention etc. Any advice?
Hey Claire, welcome to BB. Sorry I don't really have any advice for you, hopefully someone will pop in soon with some :) But, for what it's worth, I think that the fact that you're asking for advice is a sign that you care alot for the older kids and you're doing a great job.
Oh, and congratulations on your pg! :hooray:
Congrats. I have a 5yo step daughter and my DF & I are now expecting our first together. We told her quite early on - I think at about 12 weeks. She has been very excited about it all. We have tried to include her as much as we can. She went on the hospital tour with us, went to the first midwife's appointment, comes along on baby shopping expeditions and gives her input.
In general she's very happy about it all and talks to her little brother inside my bump all the time and "introduces" him to people all the time. She has recently started to get a little more babyish in her eating so we are having to put some extra effort in there. I've read that this is perfectly normal, so depending on what age your step kids are you might experience this. We also regularly get "you love the baby more than you love me" and we have to reassure her that this is not the case. The only other thing I can think of is that when we are in toy departments she'll say stuff like "the baby is getting all these new things and I get nothing" (which isn't true, she's quite spoilt actually) so we just explain that he's going to be new to the world and doesn't have anything yet so we have to buy him what he needs, whereas she already has these things.
It's going pretty well so far. I'll let you know how it goes after the birth, could be a different story altogether.
Thanks for the replies Sarah and Satya. We're a pretty open family so I like to think that if any of the kids are having problems coping with the thought of a new addition to the family, that they will tell us. I guess we just have to wait and see. I'd be interested to know how things go after the birth Satya (not too long for you now!).
Hi Claire, firstly congratulations!!! I think its is wonderful tat you are looking for ways to deal with any "problems" that may arise with the discovery that you are pregnant.
I have three children, my eldest two being DH's steps... We didn't tell the kids until I was about 10weeks pregnant, my daughter figured it out... she's a bit like that. My son just wanted to know if it was going to be a boy! lol
As it got closer to Aston arriving my daughter started to get distressed about the fact that they wouldnt have the same dad, and that he was only going to be her "half" brother. I said to her, that really Aston was only half related to all of us... me and DH too, and that when he was born we would have a look to see which "half" was connected to her. I said to her, that it didn't matter that they didn't have the same dad, it was going to be her brother regardless. She smiled, and seemed to settle. When Aston arrived, Nathan was the first out of them to hold him, he was overwhelmed with emotion, and still is actually. Laura didn't want to hold him, she was frightened that she wouldnt hold him right. I just whispered in her ear that this was the only time he was going to be brand new, and that she might regret not having a cuddle with him later. So she sat down, and I watched a display of emotions run over her face as she fell inlove with him. As she left, she lent over to give me a cuddle, and said to me "youre right mum, it doesnt matter". they are both so incredibly in love with him. I wondered if the novelty would wear off, but it hasn't. Today they sat and played with him with playdough and goop, and enjoyed it as much as he did. My favourite thing in the world is to listen to them play with Aston, and Aston laugh with delight.
Hi Vicky,
Your kids sound wonderful - I like your comment about everyone only really being 'half related', I'd never thought of it that way!
I think our kids have an inkling that I'm pg already - Pippi who is ten, picked up my pg tablets the other day (which I stupidly left on the counter) and started reading out the label "Blackmores.." but stopped before she read out 'pregnancy'. She didn't say anything, so neither did I. I don't want to tell them too early as we've already had a few miscarriage-scares (had a couple of ultrasounds, and everything seems fine), but I think after our 12 week scan we'll let them know. I hate keeping secrets so can't wait to be able to tell everyone!
Hi Clare......
I am step mum to two boys (12 and 15). DH and I are having our first child together.
We were pretty open with the boys from the day we found out that we were pregnant.
The 15 year old has aspergus and wouldn't have a clue as to what is happening as he lives in his own little world. (The other issue here is that he is not even the son of my DH. DH just took on the role of dad to him when he was 2. ) We have both sat him down and tried to explain everything to him but he just phases out and couldn't care less. I won't be leaving him alone with the baby under any circumstances.
The 12 year old (DH's son) has been really excited since day one and will get out my pregnancy book every fortnight and look up what is happening and ask questions. He comes up and rubs my belly and listens to the heartbeat at any opportunity. He will massage my feet and give me pedicures also. He has become increasingly protective of me and is extremely considerate of how I am feeling.
I can see when Amber is born that it will be a constant battle between DH and SS to change nappies, bath her and generally take care of her. I could actually express all my milk (when it comes in) and they would take turns in feeding her.
Shell
Hi Shell,
Your 12 y.o SS sounds very cute - you'll have a great helper there! It must be hard with your 15 y.o, it'll be interesting to see how he reacts when bub is born.
We told our kids a couple of weeks ago and they are all very excited. Although Pippi who is the eldest at 10 y.o went really quiet after her initial happy reaction and when we finally got it out of her she was concerned how her mum was going to take the news and whether she would take it out on her. How sad is that - we assured her that we would tell her mum first (which we did) and she became more relieved. Pippi always seems to get caught in the middle between her mum and us - her mum says things about us to her or infront of her that she really shouldn't and which makes her feel uncomfortable. My DH and I go out of our way to try and keep things light and happy so the kids feel they can tell us anything without being judged or feel they are taking sides, but I just wish their mum did the same.
Anyway all is good now and they love coming up and pressing their ears against my tummy to see if they can hear or feel anything. I told them it would be a few more weeks atleast but they're so excited. They are constantly suggesting names and fighting over whether it will be a boy or girl. So really we couldn't have aksed for a better reaction. But it will be interesting to see if anything changes once bub actually arrives. Guess we can only wait and see.
Good luck with the rest of your pg!