Is this a bad thing to be doing?

Hi ladies,

Am feeling a bit worried about the way DH and I put our 15 week old DS to sleep. He has been a VERY high maintenance bub with reflux, colic, eczema and had been hard to settle from day one and has always been a big crier which has to always be stimulated when awake as he will cry otherwise. We nearly always do the feed, play, sleep ritual and he is normally only up for around 1/1.5 hours before he starts showing tired signs. He has normally 1 big sleep during the day of around 2/2.5 hours and a couple of 45 minute naps. The thing is, the only way we can settle him is to wrap him as tightly as we can and nurse him with one of our fingers in his mouth for him to suckle on as he will not have anything to do with a dummy at all. We do this while patting his bottom or rocking him and he always goes to sleep this way. I am really stressing that we have caused a very bad habit and that we will still be doing this when he is 12 months old and I am not relishing the thought of control crying at all. I really don't think I could stand to do this so am worried as to how to get him to self settle. Any ideas and do you think we have done a really bad thing?

Thanks so much,
Nita

Na, don't think it's a bad thing :)

My dd was high maintenace too, so I hear you on doing what he needs to go to sleep. There were a time when she only slept ON me. Then when she only slept while rocking. You do what you can. DD is now 15 months and goes to bed at 7pm with a bottle and when I check after about 15 minutes, she is sound asleep and did not even make a sound :o :o Just commented to DH last night about how easy it has become :cryinglaugh:

So do what you feel is right, later his needs will change and you have to adapt. If rocking/patting/sucking your finger gets him to have the rest he needs .... it's never a bad thing. LATER when his reflux is under control and he is a bit "better behaved" :p you can start by putting him to bed JUST before he falls asleep and start weaning him off your finger, so to speak. But that's later. DD started going to bed on her own around 8 months or so.

You are doing a great job!!

I had a "high maintenance" bub too - horrible reflux and she spent the first three months of her life sleeping upright on my chest. I think you do whatever you need to get through - for both your sake and your son's so no, you're not doing anything wrong in my book.

For the record, my DD now sleeps beautifully on her own in her own cot, having been put down wide awake, with absolutely no controlled crying ever used, so don't worry that what you do at this early stage is going to set you up for problems in the future.

Oh no! It's not a bad thing to be doing at all. In fact it sounds perfect to me.

I have a "high maintainance" child. He's not only got so severe eczema that he has needed steroid cream already, but he has had some very nasty accidents in his life. Reflux and colic so bad we had to take him to the doctor because it was 24 hours a day.

Yes, so I still pat DS on the bum to get him to sleep. Yes, it takes 10 mins bent over the cot (30 tops). Then he may wake up once or twice overnight. But for the first nine months he would only go to sleep in my arms walking up and down - he rarely fed to sleep - so this is fantastic! My DS, despite knowing all the "tired signs" and trying to put him down drowsy all his life, won't go to sleep alone. Well, he did a bit before the car crash, so the first 2 months, but now won't. Everything changes and who cares if a one-year-old needs help getting to sleep? Lots of adults do (including me, some nights). The thing is, once they get older they don't need you patting them so much. I really don't understand the obsession with self-settling: yes, it would be nice, but why enforce it on a baby?

Best of luck Nita.

I wouldn't worry. We used to wrap DS and pat his bum to get him to sleep. At 5 months, he no longer wanted to be wrapped, so we stopped. Now we just give him a cuddle till he gets sleepy and lay him in his cot and off he goes. I think they "grow" out of certain routines. I've never met anyone who pats the bum of their 4 year old. ;)

I agree with everything that has already been said....

The only thing I can add, is to try to change your way of thinking..... try not to think of it as "bad habits" (these thoughts have probably been placed there for you by well-meaning relatives and the like...) but that you are being a caring, nurturing and responsive parent - sounds to me like your are doing a fantastic job!

I had/have a DD with what some would say is high needs.... I'm pretty sure we were doing exactly what you are at that age! And through several months of last year I grappled with the concept of "how was she going to learn / how will I teach her without controlled crying", but you know what.... they just learn, some earlier than others!

All the best!