Not the birth I wanted - but I'm fine with it
The three most important things that I wanted for the birth of my baby were: not to be induced, not to have an epidural and not to have a caesarean.
I ended up with all three, but I'm actually ok with it now. My OB thought that I might need a caesarean and I was very upset when he told me that. It really wasn't what I thought I wanted.
I was induced and I was contracting well, but due to the position of my baby the labour didn't progress. I was rushed off for an emergency caesar when my baby started getting distressed. At that point I don't think I cared what happened. I was in a lot of pain and a bit dopey from pain relief, which hadn't helped with the pain.
It was about 2 hours until I saw my baby. They showed her to me, but I didn't want to hold her because I couldn't really feel my arms. I was also about to vomit. My husband took her while I was in recovery. I was there for such a long time because the spinal block was a bit too effective and took a long time to wear off. This didn't bother me because I was asleep most of the time and snoring apparently.
It was lovely when I was back in my room with my baby and my husband and since then everything has gone really well. I have recovered well and my baby is just beautiful. Breastfeeding was hard work, but it was worth it. I listened to all sorts of advice, tried lots of different things and after a week and a half it was all working really well. Nipple shields made it all work in the end. It helped both of us with attachment and we only needed them for a week.
I am a bit jealous of the bonding time my husband had with her during those first hours, but I also love that they have that bond. I can see how much she loves her dad. Anyway, I have far more opportunities for bonding now with breastfeeding and being her main carer.
I wanted to share my story because even though nothing went the way I wanted, I am still really happy. I trusted my caregivers and I felt that a caesar was the right thing to do. Anyway, I can hardly remember the birth now. My whole life has been consumed by my beautiful baby.
