What can I do to help???

Ladies,

I thought I'd come in here and ask as you ladies will have been through it and might know what would be appreciated.

Family friends wife has just given birth to twins at 28wks and they have been transferred out of their home base to the nearest major hospital with facilities (which is same town as where I live).

At this stage mums and both bubs are doing ok, dad is staying in emerg hospital accom and his parents are staying with family.

Just wondering what would be appropriate as gift/help???

Are frozen meals appropriate (not knowing what type of food they eat)??
Are normal baby gifts appropriate at this stage or is it better to wait until out of hossy??
Given I'm also very heavily pregnant is visiting likely to be traumatic (given also I haven't seen the dad since I was 14), especially if things don't go so well ??

The grandparents have my contact details and I will leave in their court to contact as first point of call - just want to know what would be wanted or needed most over the next few weeks (especially once grandparents have to leave and mum and dad remain)

TIA

Hi Jaspen.

its a hard call, if you didn see them it "could" be upsetting seeing your pregnant belly but then again you cannot hide the fact that you are pregnant and you definaltely would not be rubbing it in their face.
Frozen meals i think are a godsend. there is no way anyone feels like cooking when going back and forth to hosp each day, esp if one or both bubs havent had a very good day.
I think a gift or even a card is still important. a lot of people tend to hold off celebrating a prem but to me that is upsetting?? They still have just had their babies and it still deserves recognition, so maybe a card now and pressie later, or maybe if u havent already got a pressie something that might be practical for them to use sooner, like prem clothing (knowing they wouldnt be clothes yet but when they do they will likely to be too sml for newborn clothing.)
hand cream for mum? something for her and going into nicu numerous times a day can wear on your hands, theamount of time u are sterillizing your hands they can become very dry and rough.
Being that your pregnant and have children you are obviously limited in your availability but i think when i went through it had someone had of just come and done something, or like u suggested made something it would have been greatly appreciated. Lots of people "offered" to help but i never felt i could ever take up any of the offers iykwim?

Its great you are putting thought into it and i hope both babies have a smooth journey through hospital

Hello Jaspen,

Definately celebrate the babies birth, a card and even a small outfit, I also second the handcream for mum! A definate must!!

Also even offer to be there for them, just to have someone to talk to is a huge help. Ask how the babies are going and focus on the positives, also make comments on how they have gorgeous names and if you've seen them (or pics) how cute they are, ect. The biggest thing for me was that people stayed away, I ended up feeling like I had some disease or something. Even if you could send her a txt, so that she knows you are thinking of them all.

I hope they have a smooth sail through the NICU. All the best with your pregnancy too.

Friends of ours had a 24 weeker. They asked for no gifts until post-hossy, so I sent a carefully chosen card and waited on the pressy. Maybe you could ask if they would like gifts?

You could also ask about visiting. I know our friends weren't keen on visitors in the hossy - you can't go into the NICU anyway, and that's where they want to be, with bub. But we did organise lunch at a cafe near the hossy a couple of times, to give some time out.

We (and several other friends) took them frozen meals which they very much appreciated. The last thing they wanted to do after being in the hossy all day was cook. We stuck to the basics like pasta, risotto, casseroles etc.

I'm not sure what else to suggest. It is such a difficult time, more so than those of us who haven't been through it could ever imagine. I would say the best thing you can do it to respect their feelings. Don't be offended if they don't want to see you while pg, or don't ring with regular updates. Let them deal with it in their own time and don't take things personally. It is very much a time for them to be selfish and do what they need to do to get by.

I hope the twins do really well.

Jaspen how are the twins doing??