my son is a bully !!

My son (21m) is such a bully. not so much at home, but when we are out socializing, or in other words trying to. he still isn?t that fussed about playing with others. he is so shy. so so shy? I am getting quite concerned

If he does ever do it at home, we go made, and then he will throw a tantrum

But at day care where he goes twice a week, we have been told by his carers that he is pushing around the smaller ones etc

I have seen him at mums group, pusha child in the back. and its terrible.

Why do they act like this, is it frustration what. my Dh and I would never act like this,and are quite calm.

Is it a sign of something wrong with him, like a beehaviour problem

He does speak, but only words , has about 20 inhis vocab. he loves to throw tantys if he doesn?t get his way., but really I am beginning to think he is a naughty boy. Also at playgroup he can be very insocialbale and just hang around me,. which sometimes I am happy about, as I have to watch that he isn?t in the back of someone..

Anyone else have a bully as a 21mnth old. hope so!!! like I said I am worried it may get worse

My first thoughts are it is normal 21 month behaviour..

My 4 (almost 5 yr old) does this sometimes to his 2 (almost 3 yr) old brother.. I think a lot of it is to feel bigger and better.. My Ds3 will do this sometimes to his little friend who is 4 months younger yet he wouldnt do it to his older brothers unless they did it first kwim?

All you can really do is to walk over touch his arm so he knows you are talking to him and say "we don't push or hit or whatever he has done.. and leave it at that.. Well thats what I do most times. Occassionally Ds3 wil get smart about it and turn it into a game and thats when I put him in time out.. and boy does he throw a tantrum over that

I agree, seems pretty normal. If you stay on top of it, and be gentle in your response (as you already seem to be) you should see a difference.

So much frustration at this age, and so little ways of showing it!

Its pretty normal for kids to not play with others well into their 2, approaching 3's. So I wouldn't be concerned about that just yet. I haven't had a bully child so not really sure what to suggest on that front but he needs to learn that no one likes a bully. Maybe having it so play stops when he is like this. Take toys away etc. He will soon associate being nice with getting play KWIM?

I was worried about DS being a bully too, but when I went to playgroup I saw a real bully in action!
I think he had a problem with 'breaking in' to play with a group of kids, or didn't know how to approach them.
He seems to be shy (again, normal at this age), so why don't you take him by the hand at playgroup and say - oh this looks like fun, shall we play in the sandpit with the others? Then I'd sit with him and the other kids passing spades etc, make sure he didn't whack anyone for the first 2 mins, then he'd be fine.

Then I'd blab on about how fun it was to have friends in the way home in the car etc etc etc.