Could I face another c-section?

Hi, I'm new to posting on this board, but hope you don't mind if I just plunge in with a question... :) I hope this is the right place - if not, please let me know and I'll repost in the c-section forum.

I've been trying to make a decision since my daughter was born three years ago whether or not to have another child. I had a very long and difficult labour which ended up in a c-section, then a horrible, drawn-out recovery due to really crappy pain management. I have done everything possible to process the events of that time, both on my own and with counselling - but I still cannot move past the real fear of a repeat c-section. I would aim for a VBAC, but as everyone in this forum would know - there are no guarantees. (I wish I'd given that fact a little more thought last time... :rolleyes:)

My DH's desire for another child is very strong, and the pressure is on from grandparents as well, but I have to say that I don't feel that burning urge myself. The pressure makes me feel extremely anxious at times, like I'm letting people down. I can't work out whether my lack of desire for another baby is because I genuinely don't want another child, or because I don't want to face anything remotely like what I went through last time. I honestly don't see me getting pregnant on purpose and risking having to face such a horrible operation again. Doing so feels like the equivalent of deliberate and serious self-harm.

I've got a huge fear of surgery, and it's much worse now. I think the only person I'd be prepared to donate a kidney to, for example, would be my daughter. In honesty, I don't even know if I could do it for DH. I hate the thought of putting my life or health at risk - and now I have a child, there's even more at stake as her mother. If I could relieve that fear, I think I'd have more of an idea of what I want to do.

How do you reach a state of peace with the potential outcome of a repeat c-section? How can one face getting pregnant again, knowing the risks and pain that might lie ahead? Is it just a matter of waiting until the desire overrides the fear? Given my age, I don't have a lot of time to waste.

Thanks for reading!

Just to add a little background - I would be 110% committed to a VBAC in the event that I fell pregnant, but all the same, every time I hear fellow VBAC-friendly people talk up the risks of c-sections to dissuade others from having them, the stories make me feel literally sick. I know all about the risks of death, adhesions, infections, organ damage, accidental cutting, incomplete epidurals, increased chances of stillbirth, miscarriage, etc etc etc. Knowing way too much is what has got me into this state in the first place! ;-) I don't need to hear about the risks anymore, I've researched them to death and spent an unbelievable amount of time and energy on this whole issue over the last few years. I'm FAR more afraid of a c-section than a natural birth, but if I decide to have another baby, I believe I need to come to peace with any potential outcome. I can't control the fact that sometimes this operation is necessary...but thinking about all of the above-mentioned complications makes me think that I never want to put myself at risk of facing it again. Can anyone help?

:hug: It can be a hard decision..

All I can say is a planned c/s is better then a emergency.. in my opinion anyways..

I think a VBAC is definitly worth trying for.. if thats what you want...

I am sure there are plenty of people on here that can offer you much better advice..

Good Luck with your decision

double post