Controlled Crying - when to start??

When is the best time to start the controlled crying through the night to enable them to fall asleep on their own etc? My daughter will be 6 months on 2 July.

Thanks, Belinda

The *recommendation* is not to use it until 6mths old at least - not at all would be preferable, but if you feel it is the only option you have available to you there is a difference between controlled crying and then cry-it-out or extinction crying - basically where you just leave the baby to cry/scream until they stop/fall asleep etc (which can be HOURS) - controlled crying is a little more measured - you put them to bed, walk out, if they cry you go back in after 5 minutes, resettle with no eye contact and then walk out and keep doing it till they fall asleep. It is quite labour intensive really.

Bare in mind though that it may not work at all and your DD may still wake through the night - which is normal for them to do up until toddlerhood. If you choose CC then you will have to do it each time she wakes. It isn't a magic cure-all for sleep.

hi belinda,

there are many approaches to getting bub to self-settle. luckily there are loads of websites with info (check mum and bub sleep units such as Karitane and tresillian sites). they have great run-downs on gentle ways to allow bubby to go to sleep without needing you to basically do it for her.

our DD has been self-settled from about 3 months. following a rather gentle approach to self-settling. and i think that the option provided by karitane was the closest to what we did. she is now 9 months and quite happily goes to sleep on her own.

I have added some of the stuff that Karitane proposes, so i hope it helps. Also it may be worth contacting one of the centres (closest to you) and seeing if they do day seminars (we went to one and it was great!):
?COMFORT SETTLING?(For infants 4 ? 7 months)??Comfort Settling is a technique which involves actively comforting your baby in the cot for short periods at a time. This strategy will give your baby the opportunity to actually fall asleep by herself.?
1. Observe for tired signs.?
2. Follow basic preparation for settling, remembering that a baby of this age may prefer to be tucked in firmly rather than wrapped?
3. Place your baby on her back at the lower end of the cot and tuck in firmly. ??
4. Spend a brief time giving a few gentle pats and a reassuring word. Leave the room.
5. Encourage your baby to attempt to self settle for up to 3 minutes ?
6. If your baby has not settled return and commence settling strategies for up to 3 minutes eg. pat, body rock , rock the cot or stroke her face and head for approximately three minutes. Speak in a quiet reassuring voice will often help her to settle. Do not pick her up.??
7. Leave the room again for three minutes. If you find this too long at first, try just one minute, then two minutes and then three minutes.?
8. Repeat step 6. ??
9. Repeat step 7 ? the time that you leave the room can be extended a little depending on the age of the child and how you and your partner feel about her crying. At this age it is recommended that babies should not be left for any longer than five minutes. Listen to the nature of your baby's cry when deciding how long to wait before you move onto the next step.
10. You may continue these techniques for up to 45 minutes. If your baby does not settle you may choose to take her for a walk in the pram or pouch, give her a massage or a deep relaxation bath. Then try to re-settle.

?

It is not something that should be done until at least 6months as they are still too young to understand...but also remember there are other ways of teaching a baby to self settle & during the day could be a good time to start. Also please do remember not all babies sleep great, some just need extra help ect. Also if you do go with cc & it is your choice remember to keep in mind things such as teething that will happen at this age & to always check bubs needs before leaving to cry it out.

We didn't leave DD to cry it out or do controlled crying but now she can self settle. We went to sleep school to help us so here's what we do which I think is NOT cruel.

Like others said - watch for tired signs and get them to bed as soon as you see one!!

We let DD protest but not cry for short time (usually around 2-3 mins). If she is crying we start the settling straight away but if she is protesting (calling out or whinging rather than crying) then we leave her. 9 times out of 10 she falls asleep within 5 mins.

To settle her we sit by her bed and pat her or the bed until she settles. We never leave the room unless we've been there for AGES and want to swap with DH. The first couple of times it did take up to an hour of this patting and it was hard but we NEVER left her and we were always touching her or the bed so she knew we were there. We also whispered to her that we were there and:) that it was okay to sleep now.

After 2-3 nights of doing this she has learnt how to self-settle really well. Of course we still have our moments but she is SO MUCH better now and we get 10-12 hrs each night.

The other thing is that they should have good day sleeps in their cot (when possible). Alot of people will say that it doesn't matter as long as they sleep at night but we found DD needed her day sleeps - the saying "sleep produces sleep" really worked for us. As she has gotten older she needs less sleep and can still sleep through night but she needed 3 good sleeps each day to sleep well at night.

Hope this helps!:)

yeah i have to agree with JordieC, getting the day sleeps i have found to be really important in getting DD to sleep at night. if she has a shocker during the day, the night tends to be unsettled. even if she only does 2 40 minute naps, it makes all the difference come night time...

:)

I agree with others that you do NOT have to let bubbas cry to teach them to self-settle. We have taught DS self-settling in a similar way to Jordie - by allowing him to grizzle, not cry. If he cries, we pat/shhhh/stroke his forehead until he is calm. Then we walk away & listen. We let him grizzle, then if he cries we immediately comfort. At first, it took quite a while to settle him. Now, he will usually put himself to sleep within 10 mins (often less).

We did it at 9 weeks. Was wonderful!! I would leave her for 10 seconds if that!! It was really just teaching her that her cot was for bed. To this day (2.5) she only sleeps in her cot, which is fantastic, and also knows she isn't allowed get up once she's in there. That was my main aim, and the sleeping came with it, within a few nights. I did spend some nights in there patting her for a long time, but NOt getting her up again was the main thing, so patting her for an hour or so was not a problem .xxo

Once DD started staying awake after her bottle (about six weeks), I did the feed-play-sleep routine. So let her stay up and played with her for about 1.5 hours then looked for sleepy signs which were usually staring off into the distance and not making eye contact.

Then I'd wrap her, rock her for a little bit but not until she was fully asleep and put her in her cot and say "sleepy time now" for a few minutes.

Sometimes that worked straight away, sometimes not. If it didn't and she started crying, I'd take her out again and start again with the rocking and whispering. If I could see that she was tired, I'd keep doing that - sometimes for up to an hour. If I thought I'd misread her signs and she wasn't actually sleepy, I'd get her up.

That took about three days before it really worked which doesn't sound a lot but it did take an enormous amount of self-discipline when I knew I could, if I wanted to, just rock her till she was asleep. But I wanted her to get used to going into her cot a bit sleepy and then nodding off herself.

It worked.

Gradually, I didn't need to do the rocking and we've found different things to help her self-settle. Over time, she decided that she liked her fluffy blanket so now when she's sleepy I just put her in her cot with her blankie and she grabs it, puts her thumb in her mouth and off she goes. If not, I don't let her cry, I either pick her up and cuddle her till she's calm again or get her up. I'd say at the moment she goes to sleep herself 49 times out of 50.

It's just been a gradual process for us. If you'd told me when she was 3 months old that I would be able to just put her in her cot and she'd go to sleep without any rocking or shushing when she was a bit older, there's no way I would have believed you!

Controlled crying was origanally conceived as a technique to help toddlers get o sleep.
Over time its become part of the parenting toolbox of parents with younger babies. i think that its still only appropraite for toddlers who have an understanding of the concept of you returning after you say you will.