How do you work through birth/labour fears??...

I was just reading some stuff about VBAC and a common theme was not to ignore fear, but rather to acknowledge it is there and then work though it.

I have a number of fears regarding this birth and am doing all I can to embrace what is coming and to positively think my way to an empowered birth no matter what happens, but how do I work my way through these fears??

Education is one way that I am doing this but in some ways the more I read the more fears I come up with! :rolleyes:

So how did you overcome fears you had leading up to and during labour/birth??

ETA - Other things I am doing is attending an antenatal exercise class where there is alot of open discussion regarding birth and labour, employing a doula (gotta get onto that :rolleyes:) and visualising my birth.

Tan - the biggest reason why I had a c-section last time was fear - no medical reason whatsoever. And I found this time around my fears aren't as bad, but I have worked through them with hypnotherapy.... which is fantastic.. I feel no fear, and have no "bad fear thoughts" in my head. I keep imagining a relax, birthing atmosphere, and some pain, but none that i can't manage and holding my gorgeous bub at the end of it.
I'm sure you were actually after someone's experiences, but just thought I would put my 2c in as well.

I think the best approach is to tackle it head on - analyse your first birth and try to pinpoint exactly where you think things started to go wrong (well not wrong as such, but where you think your sliding doors moment was kwim? If there was a decision you made that may have impacted etc kwim?) Or if you felt that it was a support issue. I think having a small amount of fear is healthy in a way because we aren't invincible after all, but its letting the fear overcome you that is the problem.

So once you have worked through it all in your head, write down where you think you could make improvements and things you can do to remedy the issues. Did you write down your birth story from Izzy's birth? Go through that again and insert any more detail if you can remember it (incase you didn't go into a lot of detail) and ask you DH for his perspective too.

Thanks ladies!

Trillian - problem is, many of my fears are VBAC based, not based on the fears I had with Izzy! I don't think I really had that many other than ending up in c/s!

I have a fear of losing my little man, my uterus, my life- they are not HUGE fears but they are there, and make me doubt myself, and if I am doing the right thing having a VBAC. Even writing that I know that it is the right thing to do but its like that little devil that sits on your shoulder whispering those doubts and fears in your ear when you least expect it IYKWIM! Writing it all down is definately a great idea though = I think I will do over the holidays and take it with me to my next antenatal class.

That's fair enough, they are pretty big concerns, but still they are things that could happen anyway in a normal vaginal birth without the previous history of a c/s kwim? So thats what you have to focus on - all the things that can go wrong can go wrong in a *normal* circumstance too. And with your VBAC you will be monitored more closely than if it were a normal vag birth so they will be on the lookout for signs that things could be happening - so someone will 'have your back' if you need it.

Hey Tanstar

I never got to have the natural birth that I was hoping for...but in anticipation for that birth, I read a fantastic book called "birth skills". It's written by a Sydney physiotherapist who has had 20+ years experience helping labouring women...and it's co-written by Sarah Murdoch.

The book has very practical ways to deal with the labouring process.

I don't think it covers VBAC births, but it is definitely helpful as a general birthing book. Very practical, very real. My cousin is actually one of women featured in the book and she absolutely swears by the techniques. She ended up birthing a 10lb posterior baby with no medical intervention!!!

I so wish I got to use the strategies and techniques...but maybe one day!

To be honest I just put a lot of faith (and I don't mean religiously) into my body ... and figured if my body can get through a pregnancy for the 1st time at 40 and my body knows how to push all the right buttons ... then it would know what to do when in birth ;) (apart from all the books I read & all the ante-natal classes I attended)

... And you know what my old body did just that :clap:

It was the most amazing experience, & I never felt so empowered (a drug-free birth I might add) :dance:

Yep, the book you're talking about is by Juju Sundin and I used that for two and a half days out of my three-day labour.

I think it's one thing to think "mind over matter" but really we need practical ways to manage the labour and pain.

I found the book wonderful.

She says that you can never be disappointed with your birth if you know that you've tried your best and if you've used the techniques that she recommends, then you really will know that you've done everything possible.

The techniques that she recommends are very practical and they work brilliantly. For most of my labour (with a posterior baby), I said "aaaaaaaah" very loudly and then banged stress balls together. The theory is that your body can only concentrate on one thing at a time so if you distract your brain, it won't have chance to concentrate on the pain from labour. Infact, I can't actually remember any pain, the techniques must have been so good but I DO remember feeling exhausted because it was a very long labour and I had 7 hours sleep in three days.

I personally don't find the "yes, you will have your natural birth or your VBAC or whatever if you really want it" very helpful. Willpower is one part of labour but it's not the whole part. For me, it was the length of the labour that was the killer and I opted for an epidural because I'd really had enough and wanted a rest.

I don't feel bad about that because what she said really struck a chord with me. I really did try my best with all the techniques she'd recommended and I am IMMENSELY proud of my labour.

I really think the best way to cope with fear is to confront it head-on and arm yourself with lots of tools and techniques that will be helpful.

If they're not enough, that's OK, but you will know that you did your best and that way, you can't have any regrets.

Tan, I've been thinking about what you posted for a little bit now, and I think I know why I don't have any fears of my scar rupturing or anything. Its because we have the same risk factor of rupture as first time mums do that get induced - and that happens every day.. and you NEVER hear anything about something going wrong, people are going in asking to be induced - do you think they are warned about the risks as much as we are?!!!? No way jose!!!!

I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure this will be successful - without a rupture - by NOT having an epidural, so if I start feeling pain, at least I will be able to warn the middies and something can be done about it in time IYKWIM? And I'll agree to monitoring, but not continuous... and then I will know that I have done everything in my power to prevent it.

I so wish you lived up here and you could see my OB.. I think she gives me a lot of motivation and gets rid of my fears...

Also, I'm of the strong opinion that if anything was going to happen to me, my bub, uterus, whatever, it would still happen if I had a c-section, because (and you may not agree) I don't think you can run away from fate, whatever happens would have happened anyway...

I'm probably just rambling and not helping at all!!!!

All wonderful suggestions ladies - Fiona I was just reading the other day that VBAC is just a birth - that's it so birth books are fine!!! Yep there are VBAC books and I have 2 coming my way in the next few weeks!

Mel - I was INDUCED!! and never had the fear of rupture - isn't that ridiculous? I know what you mean about fate hun, it is true, that whatever is going to happen will happen!! I think as I get closer my fears will subside. I had fears of an epidural and c/s with Izzy (both of which I had in the end) but the closer I got to having her all my fears left and were overtaken by the excitement of meeting her.

I think alot of the fear I have is not deep-seeded and it tends to shift focus depending on what I have been reading.... I really think it might just be a case of over-analysing every step of this vbac process and along the way have to myself doubting my bodies abilities.

I think that for me my fear was death! I dealt with that by ensuring that the little one & my partner were beneficiaries of my life assurance policy, and that my "affairs were in order".

But once labour started, all my fears went away. Having your support people with you at classes may help you - it certainly helped me. One of my support people is my g/f who has a wonderful sense of humour, she certainly took my mind off things that could worry me!

Good luck ...

Tan, I highly recommend that you consider seeing a hypnobirthing practitioner if you are having trouble addressing your fears. You can look at a book called Hypnobirthing: the Mongan Method but a practitioner will take you through all of your fears and help you deal with them prior to the birth.

I used the technique in my last pregnancy and I know a few others on BB site have had experience with it so I can personally vouch for it as something that really helped me. Oh, and I will be definitely seeing my practitioner prior to my next birth which will also hopefully be a VBAC

Sorry, super-quick reply and I apologise if someone has already said this, but a birth de-brief might be helpful. It's usually with a birth educator/attendant and you can spend some time chatting about your previous experience(s) and how they relate to this upcoming birth.

Am about to dash out the door, will pop back at the end of the weekend to explain a little better.

Oh, and :hug: too xox

Nai - is Calmbirth and Hypnobirth the same thing??? This might sound a bit odd but I'm not too sure how I feel about hypnosis in general (something about my Pentecostal upbringing where everything New Age was evil :rolleyes: ) anyway, just wondering if Calmbirth and Hypnobirthing are the same thing as I have been looking into both quite a bit.

I think another one of my biggest fears again is having a C/S - not because of the process of it (my first was a relatively "good" experience as far as being wide awake in major abdo surgery goes! but it is more that I don't want the hideously painful and awful recovery... I want to be up and about and looking after and enjoying my gorgeous kids, and not recovering.... a big one that I know I need to deal with because it is a possibility at the end of the day but I don't want to focus on it too much either if that makes sense.....Arrrggghhhh.
I have to say getting it out on here in different threads is helping me! I might start a Tan's Birth Debrief/Fear couselling VBAC chatter thread!

Tan, hypnobirthing is nothing to do with being hypnotised, its all about focusing your breathing and visualising your body doing what its made to do (a basic sum up). I loved my midwife that took me through it, so I highly recommend you to it as they focus on your fears and go through it with you.

Whether or not it works, well I'll tell you in about 3 weeks time.. lol

Thanks for clearing that up Mel! Will definately look into it! At what stage should I look at doing it?? now or later on do you think??

I think we took our class about 4 weeks ago??? Since it was held by the midwife that I see for my appointments, she had already worked out what my biggest "fear" was and was able to focus on that, rather than just a basic course - which was fab!!!!
I say anything after 30 weeks, cos these babies can come early!!! lol

Calmbirthing is a form of hypnobirthing. We've done it, and as others have said, it is a fantastic way to od exactly what you are after - address your inner fears about your birth. And the "hypno" bit comes from the fact that it is a form of self-hypnosis, and uses a lot of guided imagery, but it's not Shane Powers-style hypnosis where you lose control or forget where you are, it's more like really deep relaxation.