What were the odds!

Hi everybody. I am new to this forum. I guess like most people here I am here to share my painful story and seek some sort of support of anyone who has been through a similar experience.

I am 33 yrs old and have always had irregular periods, so I wasn't too surprised when we couldn't fall pregnant even after a year of trying. I spoke to my Dr and he was going to start me on the ovulation induction tablets, but we just decided to wait a while longer before we take that path. When nothing had supposedly happened after about 6 months, I went back to him and came out armed with few types of pills. He advised me to take a preg test before I start taking these (just in case!) and it was positive!! Joy of joys. We were so happy. I had been pregnant for about 8 weeks before I found out (thanks to my irregular periods). The joy of seeing your baby's heartbeat for the first time! I had a dating scan at 10 weeks and then the NT scan at 12 weeks.
So we were happily pregnant (with our first child) for 4 weeks - until the NT scan (and subsequent CVS test) showed that our baby was affected by trisomy 13! These abnormalities are 'incompatible with life' and 'our choice of what to do is easy' - according to the Dr. So, in a space of three days (the CVS was done on Wednesday and the curette on Friday) we went from happy loving expectant parents looking forward to our future together, to two people feeling empty, deceived and so sad! It is so frightening and it doesn't make sense, especially given how long it took us to conceive. The universe has such a nasty sense of humour sometimes: we had such a small chance to conceive and that resulted in conceiving a baby affected by such an uncommon abnormality. I don't know how we are supposed to deal with it, all I know is that we are just not supposed to know the reason as to why it has happened. And I didn?t know that the pain we are experiencing was actually possible. It makes it that much worse to deal with it and understand it as my sister and two of my best friends are pregnant at the moment. So here it is, my story. I do hope that people will find it motivating (at some level). Thanks for reading - it certainly made me feel a bit better (for the time being) telling my story. All the best.

Hi Bil74. I'm so sorry for your loss - it's such an awful tragedy to lose a baby. I hope you will find support amongst our BellyBelly community.

First of all hun, Welcome to BB! I am sure you will find it a very supportive place and make lots of friends from it.

Second of all :hug:.

That is so unfair hun! Can they do any testing on either you or your DP to find out if there is any congenital link, or if it was just a series of unfortunate events for your bub. Have you spoken to a genetics counsellor?

It is hard seeing so many pg people when you have been through so much hun, and you notice them more when you have been through it. Tell your freinds and Sis how you are feeling. If you are not up to seeing a pg belly then politlely ask them to leave you alone for a while to allow you time to grieve. They will understand. I found it so difficult when I was pg and my sis was TTC. I never knew what to say, or if being there was hurting her. Please be honest with those who love you, and they will be understanding. You are an amazing woman, I can already tell by your post, and they will want to look after you. Dont give up hun, you now know you can get pg, and I know that it doesnt make you feel any better, but the time will come hun.

Allow yourself to grieve, and spend time doing the things you love. Get a massage, and buy a good book to sit a relax with. And feel free to vent her too hun. Many of the girls in here have been through what you are going through and will help you come out the other side.:hug:

Welcome to BB Bil and I am so sorry for the loss of your baby.

You will find much loving support amongst the women and men in our forums I feel sure. Trisomy13 is incompatible with life and unlikely to be a problem that will reoccur - none of this is helpful now as your grieve your child. Big big hugs my love and sending you much strength... :hug:

Thank you everyone for replying. The Dr said it's just one of those tragic events that 'just happen' and the chances of it happening again is 1%. I guess no one has a magic wand to make the pain and guilt disappear. When I am strong enough at times, I come up with philosophical arguments like 'everything happens for a reason' and 'it was meant to be' and so on. While we were TTC it did cross my mind that maybe I just can't get pregnant, so this event has at least answered that worry.

I have never seen a counsellor in my life, but I now recognise that I need help to deal with this. Everything happened so fast and the pain resulting from it is just too great for me to even try and rationalise. I was wondering if anyone knows a good counsellor who specializes in these sorts of events?

I've read other women's stories about how events like this has brought them closer to their DH and this is true for me too. He has been so strong and supportive.

I discovered this forum as I was desperately looking for some 'answers' and support. It has been very helpful receiving support, and also to read other people's stories. I just want to say how thankful and appreciative I am of everyone posting their stories here.

All the best.

Dear Bil74,
So sorry for the loss of your baby, my heart goes out to you. What a heartbreaking time for you. Let yourself grieve in whatever way your body takes you. Two years ago I too lost my baby boy at 24wks due to Trisomy 13, such a rare condition but it happens. If you have any questions at all or just feel like talking I'm here.

Regards,
Dianne

Big hugs to you. I am so sorry that you have been through this. I am sure that it will take some time to process it all and come to terms with it a bit better.

I think a counsellor is a great idea. Perhaps you could ask your doctor if there is anyone he/she recommends. Or your local maternity hospital might be able to help also.

I wish you all the best hun.

:hug: to you.

I'm so sorry your little one couldn't make it. :( Trisomy 13 affects about 1 in 10000 pregnancies and in many cases babies don't make it to the end of pregnancy. Around 3% live to six months, sometimes those with mosaic or partial trisomy can live a little longer, and VERY rarely some with full trisomy 13 survive. My dad's best school friend had a daughter with full trisomy 13 (Patau syndrome) who lived 21 years and 7 months.

To lose a baby is such a shocking, painful experience. I think seeing a counsellor is a great idea, perhaps you can talk to your Ob or GP about a referral for this?

Many :hug: to you, wishing you strength to come through.

Bx