obsession, is it healthly?

As a worker in the youth/social work field I see negative effects obsession has in a variety of forms in youth & adults everyday.

After reading numerous posts on this forum and others over some time, I have come to wonder about the negative effects the obession of becoming pregnant really has on us. From month to month I read about women (and I include myself here) convincing themselves of every pregancy symptom available. I have seen so many posts of women trying so hard to convince themselves that that feint line they are sure is there is a BFP only to have af arrive and another month ends with devastation

I wonder about what sort of messages this obession sends through our bodies and maybe in some small way it impacting on our ability to actually fall pregnant. Please don't think I do not understand the pain that goes with not being able to really get that BFP, 5 years for us!! I am just seeing so much pain & anxiety being expereinced by so many women. I just want to say to you all to just give yourselves a break when it all gets a bit much. Don't let your imagination run away with you too much, be kind to yourself. Be relaxed and hopefully that BFP you all want is not too far around the corner.

:)

Yes I agree with you. I think the natural instinct to be a mum is very strong for a lot of women. Last month I thought I was pg and had lots of symptoms, DH said that I have researched so much on pg symptoms that I could make myself believe that I was pg when I wasn't. Anyway not sure if this one was a 'chemical pg' or in my head. I have decided not to obsess this time as Amy is only 5 months old and although we want them close together, if I do not fall pg the postive side is my body will have longer to heal from the last pg.

I SO agree with you. This month has been a rollercoaster for me. I swear I have been feeling 'nauseous', dizzy, crampy and sleepy, and have done a test this morning (in obsession city) only to find it's negative. But do you know what the crazy thing is? I didn't even think about the fact that my test is probably going to show a negative result because I'm only 10 DPO!!!! I actually thought that be testing early, I'd get an answer. It's called instant gratification (for me anyway...I'm an old hand at it).

It's so stressful thinking about all the "when to BD", "when to take temps", and ""which supplement to take", it all has become too much for me. I am determined to enjoy my christmas knowing that this year maybe just wasn't the right time. I think I need some psychotherapy to stop myself obsessing about my body, pseudo-symptoms and the 'rights and wrongs' of baby making.

Thankyou for posting this thread, I feel much better having aired my grievance!! Time for a cosmopolitan.

julesy
:boggle:

I agree with what you're saying as well - I think it does become an obsession sometimes but it can be difficult to not let that happen. Especially with assisted conception where you have no choice but to think about it because you need to remember what time your next tablet/injection is, you may also be charting your cycle each day and with each attempt that doesn't work, it makes you realise just how much you really want it.

I definitely think our goal should be to try and relax, not put so much pressure on ourselves and take it all as it comes - without obsessing. We're always hearing stories about couples who go through IVF unsuccessfully and when they stop trying and thinking about it so much they fall pregnant naturally. But unfortunately it's not always that easy.

When I started my ttc journey I was just going to give it a go and see what happened. Now that it's been over 12 months I can't help but think about the what if's and look for every sign.

It's a tough road to take and I wish everyone going through it all the luck in the world. :luck:

Marg

Yes Marg, I agree. We have to have hope, otherwise how else do we survive from day to day? It doesn't help either that people (me included) think it will be easy as pie to conceive. It frustrates me when I hear of peopel falling pregnant within a month of trying (not that that's their problem of course!!! Lucky them!!), I just wish it would happen for me.

The pressure is just too great. We must learn to relax a little!

julesy

I think there is a big difference between hope and obsession. A little bit of hope goes a long way. Hope is a comfort, a feeling that we can at times rely on just to get us to that next point where we need to be at. Obsession is something that goes a little bit beyond hope. Instead of getting that comfort, we may at times begin to imagine things they may not really be there. This is why I question whether obsession is healthy?

Alot of time & energy goes into obsessing about things and over a long period of time this may impact in a negative way on our lives. Not being able to fall pregnant is probably one of the hardest things a female can go through. There is no escape from it, you want it, it is all around you. There is always someone in your life getting pregnant, being pregnant, having the baby.......and this cycle continues over and over. When you can't get pregnant and you see others around you getting pregant, some taking awhile and others very quickly, you feel frustrated, why can't this happen to you? And so the obsessing begins.

Personally after 5 years of trying to concieve, I have never once given up hope and I never will. But I have also found acceptance between myself and my dh that it just might not happen and as hard as it is, we are okay with that.

It's great lil chookie that you have found that peace and self-assurance within yourself. Maybe if I try to let go a little, I can do the same. I think every woman goes through a moment of 'realistion' that the obsession is too much, and then they can 'back down' a bit. But until they do find that self-assurance, I think it's a fair bet that the obsessing may continue!! So no, I don't believe obsessing is healthy, but it is afterall human nature to excell and pressure oneself for performance.

It all comes down to trusting your body to 'do its thing'. If you need a little help, then it's there for the taking.

I've only been trying for less than a year, but my husband has been away for (we crunched the numbers the other night) 8 months of this year in total. Where does a baby fit into that I ask you? But still, I obsess about whether it's my body that is the problem (not timing or genetics!).

I guess it really comes down to becoming more relaxed in our own time, and trying not to forget that trying for a baby is supposed to be fun, not obsessive.

Thanks for your thoughts,

julesy
:bluestick:

(That's my little bit of hope)

i'm sooooooooooo with you on the whole obsession thing! we've only just started trying and i'm desperate for the two red lines, but i know that it'll happen when the time is right, and the longer it takes the more chance we have to get out of debt! i'm a very impatient person anyway, and i don't think it's the actual baby i'm desperate to have (although obviously i can't wait) but more the actual being pregnant cos, as soon as i decide i want to do something, i want it to happen straight away! the labour could take two years or two days for me, i just can't wait to embark on the whole rollercoaster and savour every minute of the experience :-)

however i'm careful about not sharing my obsessiveness with my fiance as, although he is also looking forward to us having a baby, he's a pretty laid-back bloke who will only get excited when i'm actually preggers. i'd love to sit down with him and make lists, plan finances etc., but he says why get all excited planning stuff if it may take a few years?!!

oh well.

neat x