Sister is pregnant

I needed to come on here tonight as I don't feel I have anyone to talk to about this who might understand.

My sister who I am very close with, told me yesterday she is 10 weeks pregnant. I had a m/c 2 years ago now and we haven't become pregnant since. Her news seems to have hit me like a ton of bricks. I haven't felt this down since my m/c. I can't really explain why I feel so bad. I was pretty much expecting her to get pregnant as they were trying but it still didn't prepare me.

Her and my mum were actually very worried about telling me - they were really caring and got quite emotional. I started crying I think because they were getting teary for me but I said I was happy for her & asked a few questions. But I couldn't say Congratulations which I feel bad about, but just can't yet.

I saw her and her hubby today at a family do which they told his mum the news. Again I was really quiet and didn't even say anything to her hubby.

I'm sorry I acted that way but I just can't stop this feeling. I feel flat and really down but on the other hand I'm happy for my sister because she has also wanted this for so long. I feel like I don't have anything to look forward to and feel empty.

My DH doesn't like seeing me upset and seems to be over it all and doesn't want to talk much about it. And the thing is, I don't really know what to say to him.

I hate to upset my sister and mum because I know they're so happy but also upset for me. I hardly talked to her today because I just don't know what to say. It's so weird.

Just wanted to come on here and try to get out some of my feelings. Thanks for listening.

Hun, I'm so sorry - I know it's a great thing for your sister to be UTD, but I know how much it hurts. I've got a friend who's just turned 18 that's now UTD. She's basically like a sister to me, and she said that she and her partner of 2 years weren't even trying which hurt me the most, but I got over it and am now happy for her. I hope you'll be ok :hug: Our losses never leave us, believe me, I know. I cry on three dates - June 27th, June 29th and Feburary 13th - The dates where I got my BFP, lost the bub and bub's due date.
Big hugs to you hun :hug::hug:

Hi Gurnz,

I thought to write a few lines to tell you that your response is perfectly natural. I strongly believe that any woman who has experienced loss, the emptiness that is felt when those around us fall pregnant and have their babies is just really really tough. and this emptiness can be felt when seeing strangers walking down the street with pregnant bellies or pushing prams, or (and more acutely), when it is someone close to us who we love very much.

From personal experience the emotions would range from anger and jealousy (such as "why do they get to have a baby and not me?), to just a mess of tears when you finally pull up in your driveway after seeing your best friend in the hospital with their new bub.

All i can offer is a sense of solidarity, and the chance to say that you need to let yourself experience these feelings, to work through them and acknowledge them. Your DH is no doubt in a different place regarding the m/c. I have found in my case they feel the immediate hurt of the loss, and may feel sadness at the hopes and dreams lost, but at the end of the day, they werent carrying the baby, they werent seeing or feeling the aftermath. as women we have the privledge as well as the burden of experiencing pregnancy and growing a baby. and this makes a loss a completely different (and unfortunately a mostly solitary) experience.
In my case my DH was trying to make a positive out of the negative and on the day we went to the drs, he said gleefully, "but this is good news! we know we can fall pregnant!" :doh: not the best of timings!

In our case (as it seems similar to your own) it then took a long time to fall pregnant again. we didnt try for a long time, but from the moment we decided to TTC, it took close to 2 years. I have posted in other threads the trials and tribulations of that time, so wont bore you the details!. all i wanted to say, if you want that baby (i know that baby would want you guys!), dont give up hope. it may look like a bleak road, but man, it is one i would travel a thousand times over just to have my girl!

I wish you all the best in your journey and hope that you find some good support and networks here on BB! we are a close knit community and it has been my saving grace being able to ask a million questions!

it's natural and normal to feel jealousy and a whole range of other emotions, and i do believe that a close friend or family member having what you haven't got somehow makes it worse. and then there's the guilt because you feel you "should"be happy for them...just know it's ok to feel this way. my BF announced he and his long-term fiance were preggers just days after i miscarried the first time, and i still choke up when i think about it. as for your DH, it's very difficult for men to articulate their emotions. my DF couldn't in february, and it's taken a second m/c for him to be able to actually feel his grief. please be gentle with yourself and do allow yourself to feel the emotions that are welling up. your sister will understand.

gurnz - :hug:

It's such an emotional time when you're ttc, especially after m/c, and others around you are pg. For me it was our friends that were getting pg and not us. It was so hard and deep down even though I was so happy for them I just couldn't handle my emotions. I felt insanely jealous, but guilty for feeling jealous. It's really tough and I don't have any magic words of wisdom but I just wanted to let you know that I understand your feelings and they are not unreasonable. :pray: that it's your turn to share some pg news very soon. :hug:

firstly my sister is a member here so just want to say Nic : I love my nephews and neice with all my heart...

I too have gone thru the why them why not us senario...you know what when you see your neice/nephew for the first time all the thoughts will disappear and you willl see this beautiful creature...in a new light

hi hun,
although iam not in your situation ihave been told my tubes r blocked n iam gna have to go thruogh fertility treatment to concieve and at the min my step-sis is 21 weeks pregnant and i cant face her as it upsets me. i havent seen her since she told me at 9 wks. sorry to babble just wanted you to know ur not alone.
take care huni xxx:hug: