Feel so lost and adrift

Thank you for having this arena in which I feel I can write truth - my truth. I miscarried last week and had my D&C on the same day (last Tuesday)

I am 37, mother of a fabulous 16 year old boy, and was SO thrilled to find myself pregnant again. My husband, son and I were so eagerly anticipating this new little one.

I am diabetic and thus "high-risk", so I took every measure to ensure a safe and healthy pregnancy.

When I started spotting on 7/4, I got very worried - went to the ER, and they performed an ultrasound and pronounced a very strong, healthy heartbeat - so I relaxed. I found out about my loss upon a routine doc appt/ultrasound "I'm so sorry, I don't find a heartbeat".

My world just collapsed there - I could not believe it - couldn't make myself believe it - I had SEEN the heart beat just one week prior.

I've never felt such depths of pain and anguish - and "people"s' responses are just not helpful - at all. It is so hard to bounce back and get back to work where grief is quite frankly inconvenient and I just feel so lost.

Thank you for letting me speak (I"m sure I will again - :cryinglaugh:) and I feel better knowing I am not alone.

:hug: Welcome.. Sorry for your loss..

Hease105,
My thoughts are with you at this painful time, you will find many supportive friends on here who will help you to feel less isolated whilst you go through the grieving process. I know that when I needed them they made each day a little easier to bear. Give yourself time to go through all of the emotions that your body throws at you. And also know that you are not alone, writing about it on here helps immensely.
Thinking of you,
ClareBear.

Hease105-really sorry for your loss. Similar thing happened to me with my second m/c
had spotting went for u/s seen a healthy hb for 3 weeks then on fourth week nothing.
Know how devastating it is.
I am so pleased that you have found this place as it has really helped me, hope you find it helps you too.
Take care:hug::hug:

I'm terribly sorry for your loss.
Welcome to Belly belly and please post as much as you need to.
Take care of yourself.
:hug:

Heather I'm so sorry for your loss. You're right, grief is never easy or convenient. I hope you'll find comfort, support and journey-mates here amongst the BellyBelly community :hug:

I am sorry for your loss:hug:

Hi,
So sorry to hear of your loss. This is just devastating for you at the moment, let yourself grieve.
Welcome to BB you will find lots of comfort here.
Your angel baby will be in your heart forever.

Regards,
Dianne

Dear Heather,

I am terribly sorry about the loss of your angel. :(

Don't feel pressured into trying to "speed up" your grieving process in order to get back to "normal". Take as much time as you need to grieve and do whatever eases your pain, be it screaming, crying, laughing or just laying in bed and reflecting. No one can know how you are feeling but you.

My thoughts are with you, your DH and your son :hug:

Hi Heather - I am so sorry for your loss.

Like you - I found this site when I was grieving for my second angel. I had absolutely NO idea that missed m/c was unfortunately as common as it is. Knowing that there were many, many ladies out there who had experienced a similar time in their life and then gone on to have a baby in their arms - it was and still is soooo inspiring.

good luck to you hun

Thank you so much for the support. I am getting tiny stretches where i feel a little bit better - and then it just takes me to my knees again. I have reached out and am getting some therapeutic help - that starts on Monday.

I don't know how to describe the band of pain and rage and sadness that is 'round my heart right now - I almost feel it physically.

I've never been this low in my life. When my "coping" mechanisms kick in - I'm good until I remember that "once there was a baby and now there isn't" and that dissolves me. It is the "I'm now empty - literally" that has built a seemingly insurmountable wall....

I so appreciate that I can write these feelings down - to people who understand them and I don't need to explain myself nor put on a front.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Aww, Heather, my heart breaks for you! I'm so very sorry for the loss of your precious angel baby! :hug: I SO know how you're feeling right now... the anger, pain, sadness, the complete and utter emptiness, that feeling of being "robbed"... The worst part is being incapable of shutting off your mind... Unfortunately we know this pain all too well! It's such a bumpy rollercoaster ride, with so many ups and downs! Some days will be better than others... You just have to try to remember that it's not your fault--you didn't do anything to cause this...and it WILL get better!

This site, literally, was my saving grace! I've met SO many great women here, and have made so many friends... while you would never wish it upon anyone else, it's a comfort knowing you're not alone... and that there are people that understand--and you don't have to put up a front, pretending to be ok, when you're not. Please feel free to vent, yell, scream... we'll cry with you and help you to pick the pieces up again! I :pray: you find the support you need here at BB! Big, big :hug: