Hi firstly I just wanted to say I am so glad I found this website. Just reading other stories has made me feel not so alone in this awful time. A bit of a long story but I really feel I just need to tell it....
2nd July (Wednesday) we were so excited-First pregnancy and first scan. Because my partner and I both work in the health industry and we live in a small town we were travelling out of town to get our scan to allow for a bit more privacy. The hour drive lasted forever.
The hour drive back however was even longer. The scan had shown a 6wk 1day foetus, no heart beat, I should have been about 10wks according to my dates. We both cried, such an emotional disappointment. Our trip back home was then spent talking about whether I had the dates right, I wasn't 100% as our pregnancy had happened straight after coming off the pill, so I had no LMP date to go off. However I was fairly certain it should have been older then 6wks.
When we got home one of the GPs I work with came over to discuss our options. (The perks of the job). She thought, that as I was still well if I wanted to I could wait it out, but that she would speak to one of the obstet/gynaes the next day. I went to work Thursday and by that afternoon I was booked in with the Obstet. Dr. to discuss having a D&C. Whilst seeing him I was trying to explain that I wasn't 100% sure of the dates, he said that because there was no heart beat and the fetus was over 6weeks it was definitely no longer alive. As he was going away on holidays he said he would do the D&C first thing the following morning. Looking back I went away from this appt feeling ok but in total shock.
Once I got home I decided to do some of my own research, the thing that was playing on my mind was that the radiographers report had suggested to get preg bloods (BHCG) done to check they were in fact dropping, this would take 3days to determine. On doing some research there was good reason to suggest that the babies heart beat can sometimes not be seen up to 7weeks, and in some instances 8weeks. As I was not 100% sure of dates we decided to wait til the following week and see what the blood tests were. So I cancelled the D&C. At this stage I was feeling 99% sure that there was no hope but there is no way I would have had the D&C with the 1% hope hanging over me.
Monday came and as expected the bloods had dropped by more then half. After talking with my GP we decided to try and wait it out and to miscarriage naturally.
This took 2WEEKS from the u/s. I guess for me this 2weeks was where I came to deal with the emotions of our loss. I still felt pregnant so that was making it harder, and I really enjoyed feeling pregnant. I still can't find the words to express the emptiness...
Once I started to bleed I actually felt relieved and that I could move on. The first day was just like a period, a bit more crampy. I was to have a few days off work. Thursday a bit heavier with couple of clots. My partner had to go out that afternoon for a couple of hours work, we had no reason to believe anything was going to go wrong so I set myself up on the couch and made some overdue phone calls.
By about 6.30pm I was starting to get some more cramping, went to the toilet and thats when it started. Clot after clot after clot. Cramps were moderate but bearable. Even with my medical background I still thought that maybe this was just what was normal. I couldn't get off the toilet so by 7.30pm I phoned my partner to come home as I was starting to get a bit concerned with the pain and amount of blood I was loosing. He was home by about 8pm, and I 'still' was on the toilet. Felt physically ok when he arrived. But thankfully he got there when he did because within about 2minutes of my him getting home I started to go in and out of consciousness, had to lay on the ground, felt nauseous, etc. He had to carry me to the car and we drove up to the Emergency Dept. I was conscious again on arriving to ED so they put me in a wheelchair and took me round to one of the more private rooms. As soon as I got there I knew there was a big clot 'coming', the cramping was getting worse (Now I know they refer to it as a mini labour). No wonder, the next clot was bigger then an orange, and even as I type this I can feel the sensation of it coming out, it makes me feel sick.
After passing that clot my body started to shut down and go into shock. I had one cannula in thankfullly, as they couldn't get anymore in. My hands went stark white right up to my elbows, and they felt like pins and needles, and I started to have trouble breathing, there was obviously not enough blood circulating. They rushed me round to the arrest bay as they were worried I may arrest. My blood pressure was dropping to 50 systolic on and off. When it was this low my partner said I was unconscious, and then it would come back up and I'd be semi-aware of what was going on. I was having contractions on and off.
They called the gynae registrar in who did an internal examination, it HURT!!! She said "Get her to theatre NOW". So I was rushed to theatres, people were getting my consent in the lift, pulling my jewellery off, etc. It was very scary, probably more so in that I knew what was going on. They even had to stop an emergency caesarean.
I woke up after the anaesthetic, about 11pm. I felt so comfortable. Thats all I really remember, I had no pain. Of course I felt sad but in a weird way I was happy. Happy to still be alive.
I am writing this just over a week since my D&C. It has been the hardest week of my life. My red blood cells and haemoglobin dropped so much that for the past week I have been unable to do much more then lay down, shower, go to the toilet and eat. I was borderline in getting a blood transfusion, instead I am on high doses of iron. It has taken me a full week to notice any real improvement. Plus the emotional side, of course lying around doesn't help much for boosting the sadness.
On a brighter note however, I am still here, I have had the best support from my partner, and can I just say I have the best family and friends.
The doctors have told me to have another week off work, I had originally laughed when they said I'd need 2weeks. I'll need at least 2weeks!! So weak.
I am at least starting to feel a bit better each day now. The first week after the d&c I think the thought of falling pregnant again scared me to death (I wonder why?). But I know its just a matter of time. At this stage we're thinking of waiting a couple of months, just to get my bloods back to where they should be and then we'll try again.:)
Just to make it clear if it happened again I definitely still would have waited for the blood test results to have dropped off before having a d&c. But I would chose to have the d&c straight after being 100% that the baby was no longer alive. Thats just from my experience, it was quite extreme I guess.
I guess miscarrying whether natural or by having a d&c, both have the fors and againsts, and is up to the individual. Always get as much info about what is going on.
I just hope next time works out for us. Even though I feel like I've been to hell and back I still feel lucky. I feel for some of the women I have read stories about on this site, stillborns, repeat miscarriages and unable to fall...
I fell quickly last time so I am hoping when we are ready that will happen again. And the next time will be even more special (if not just a bit more stressful).:pray:
Thanks for letting me share my story, it feels a relief to just get it out.
