I really need some advice urgently!

Hi Everyone,

I really hope some of your experienced moms out there can help me as I am really coming close to breaking point.My little man was born on the 3rd june so hes just over 2 months old.From the beginning his sleeping was terrible.Hes quite a spirited wee fella.For the first few weeks he cried non stop to the point I was feeding him every half hour to an hour.To cut a long story short he was hungry and I was not giving him enough.We now give him tops up of formula which made a huge difference.I will just go through what a typical day night is as last night was terrible.For the first few weeks we had no routine as he was so unsettled.In the last 2 weeks we started a bit of structure.So at the moment about 5.30/6 I breastfeed him which I always do first.Depending he will either be calm or squiriming and fidgeting at the breast and agitated which I haven't figured out why!.Then he gets changed into a pjamas to make him think its bedtime.My husband then brings him into our room where the bassinet is.We put a hot water bottle in his bed lavender drops etc/He gives him 60 mls of formula which he doesn't always finish.A few nights he did go to sleep and my husband was able to put in the cot.He will only stay asleep in the cot if hes put in there asleep.The last few nights after hes fed him hes been wide awake so I have to go in breastfeed him for about 5 mins and then hes alseep.the pattern is that from about 8 until 11pm hes fast asleep.Last night he woke at 11 and the usual is that I feed him first then formula etc.Last night I wanted to see if I could just feed him without the formula.My nurse said thats very little formula hes getting and we may be able to cut down.So I just fed him.From 11 until 1.30 I put him in the cot 7 times!!Each time he looked sleepy but as soon as he was in the cot for a few mins he was awake crying.I really felt so hopeless last night.My husband finally had to make a bottle but it still took a few gos.The normal thing is then he will sleep for 2 hrs and then from about 4 until 7 its a complete disaster.I end up bringing him to bed which I feel nervous about I am afraid he will smother etc so I don't sleep.

I am not coping well with only 3/4 hours sleep every night.Last night as well I felt mad at him like hes doing it to annoy me which I know is impossible but I hate that feeling of being out of control.My husband cannot help at night as hes just finished radiation and chemo as is exhausted.I just feel as well that the days have no structure.He naps on the couch which I don't know if that is right.Should I be putting him in his cot.I brought his cot from the room into the sitting room this morning but as soon as I tried to put him in there for a nap he was wide awake crying.Hes asleep now on my husband he seems to love being with someone which I know is natural.Should he be having a structure during the day and does anyone have any advice on what it should be.

Sorry this is so long but I just not sure what to do and I want to enjoy him

Thanks everyone

Is he wriggling around when he wakes up? Maybe he hasn't got enough wind up & needs to be burped for a bit longer.

Are you catching up on any sleep through the day?

New babies do like to be held & cuddled. They also like the sound of your heart beat. Which is another reason he would like being held.
Do you still wrap him? Maybe you could try putting a used breast pad in the cot with him, or a blanket/sheet/wrap that has been down your shirt so it has your scent on it.
You could also try putting a pillow or something rolled up like a towel or blanket under the end of his mattress to raise his head a bit. It could help if the problem is wind.

Hi Skye,

Thanks for the reply.We used to wrap him at the beginning and stopped for some reason.Thats something I am definantly going to try tonight! It might be the solution.We have raised his mattress at the end.Yes he does wriggle a lot when I put him back him more his hands than legs.I do wind him a lot as he seems to get a lot.Its a bit of a mystery why he sleeps for that 8 to 11 slot and then he won't.I just hope it gets better

Hilary

Well I hope it helps.

:hug: Babies are hard work aren't they?! They are very tricky to figure out sometimes.

Skye's suggestion of wrapping your bub is great, they love to feel all snugged up and it stops them from waking themselves up with their startle reflex.

In the early days, to get my DS2 to go to sleep I would wrap him, give him a dummy, put him in his cot on his side and pat his back. I would also make a "shhhh" sound in his ear which is very soothing for a baby. I would do this until he settled and went to sleep.

DS1 was much harder to settle and I ended up buying an Amby baby hammock and he became a champion sleeper. It snugs them in to make a womb-like environment and it gently rocks as they move around. I used to help him go to sleep in it by bouncing it for a while.

I really hope you find something that works for you both soon :hug:.

Hi Irishconn
You're having a hard time, hey? I really feel for you - DS was exactly the same when he was the same age. Until 3 weeks ago, he would only sleep when held and it was nearly impossible to put him down. We've been working through the steps in "the no-cry sleep solution" and honestly, it really works. We can now put him down awake in his cot and, with a bit of help, he will sleep. Hopefully in a few more weeks he won't need much more help.

The other suggestions are really good too - raising the end of the cot & wrapping helped our DS lots too. Also patting his chest & 'shhhh'ing helps.

I hope some of these ideas help you both to get some sleep.

IrishCon

My DD was the sameas your little one.
Best sleep was from 8pm-11pm . ANd this is when i would go to bed.
She would feed 2hrs (even over night) until 4 months when i stopped night feeds - still fed 2 hrs during the day.

I just took this as part of the package and lived with no sleep for these 4 months. Perhaps you can rest more during the day - or get DH to take him out of your room at night on the weekend (mattress on the nursery floor) and bottle feed over night so you get 2 nights of good rest a week until bub goes longer?

I would start wrapping again or try co-sleeping?

I would definently try wrapping him tight, babies love to be snug. I also got my baby an Amby baby hammock, he now sleeps lot longer periods and can be put in there awake and put himself to sleep (I got it at 10 weeks old). You can hire the Amby hammocks, just google "hire for baby" and there may be one in your area.

I was in my pj's for 4 MONTHS. I feel your pain, it's the spirited ones that give us hell!

Have you tried a hug a bub or some sort of carrier?

I wish I had the answers too, I looked and looked and while I was looking he settled a wee bit more. It seems to be time...I dunno.

Best of luck, just do whatever you have to do to get some sleep, don't believe the hype about spoiling them.

Here's some of the things we've learnt in the last 4 months with our little guy.
He's always slept - but in the first couple of months he thought that 4am was bedtime, and midnight to 4am was time-to-scream-lots. The other 20 hours he was lovely.
He's now pretty much given up the screaming, and got the hang of bedtime at a slightly more civilized time too.

-He needs noise to sleep more easily - shopping centres, birds singing outside, daddy snoring, music, whatever. He prefers to be able to hear us - so he has sleeps in the lounge during the day
-movement also helps (going for a walk during the day is pretty much guaranteed to make him snooze a bit, and it makes me feel better too)
-putting him on the floor with a boring toy is usually more effective at getting him to sleep during the day than putting him in his cot
-if Mum has more than 1 cup of tea in a day she will pay with a very awake baby.....
-there is no point trying to settle him if he has a "stuck fart". He'll eventually doze off, but wake again very grumpy a little while later. Much better to take the time to deflate first (either lie him on his tummy and rub his back, or lie him on his back and rub his tummy - or both)
-office swivelly chairs are good for rocking babies without breaking mum's arms
-He can be hungry very often - he sleeps best after feeding every hour or 2 in the afternoon and evening
-Feeding to sleep works best if both Mum and bub are lying in bed, and if I wait a bit after he has gone to sleep before moving him. These feeds can be very long (40+ minutes a side, with a lot of it appearing to be him sucking in his sleep) but they pay later 'cause he sleeps longer
-Feeding lying in bed means that Mum can have a bit of rest whilst feeding
-He doesn't like being wrapped - initially he slept better with his arms free, now he wants to be able to kick easily too

Can you get your DH to look after bub say from 5pm till he's too tired - and at least have some snooze yourself then??

Good luck
Kate

:hug: I have been reading some of your other threads so this is my best advice for your situation. I can promise things will get easier & better. Sorry that this is so long but I remember how overwhelmed I felt when DS was this age too. FWIW it sounds like you are doing a great job :clap: & you have a lot on your plate so you need to be kind to yourself. The world won't fall apart if the house isn't clean.

...like you I was trying to have a routine & tried to get DS to sleep early in the evening so that DP & I can have some time together but I was really fighting a losing battle, I also tried to get him to self soothe but found that as he was feeding anywhere from every hour to 3 hrly, he was due for a feed before he went to sleep so I was in the vicous cycle & he wasn't getting very much sleep & was very cranky. This went on for a month or so & it was doing my head.
There were times I thought about rocking the cradle a little harder than I should, even smacking him cause then he had a reason to cry :wall: in those moments I always take a deep breath & count to 10 & the feelings pass & of course I would never do this but it is just so frustrating trying to get him to sleep when I either want to sleep myself, need some time to myself or need to get something done.
As I was told by the lovely BB ladies here babies aren't born with routines & at their age it isn't really that important. A routine will happen eventually.

So after trying to get DS to self soothe when he was little @ about your bubs age I started rocking/jigging him to sleep which has it's own curses. Now he is older & much heavier (over 8.5 kgs now) I have started putting him into the cradle awake & started the process of teaching him to self soothe again but as he is older it seems to be easier. It's like when they are little they need to be held & hugged & when they get a little older than they are more independant or something.

I would suggest going with the flow a little more, do what works & things will fall into place. Remember everyday is a new day & you can start things fresh everyday, just because yesturday was bad doesn't mean today will be.

Don't be so hard on yourself, I think we sometimes have unreal expectations of what bubs can do, some people have 'perfect' babies that sleep from 7 pm to 7 am, I haven't found many on here.

I suggest you concentrate on one period at a time to get through the day, he wakes, you feed him & play & try & get him to sleep within 60 - 90 mins of him waking or when he shows tired signs (my DS never did) & keep repeating that pattern all day. Try & enjoy those secret smiles when he is BF & take time out if you can to just stare into his eyes while you feed - trust me DS now takes less than 10 mins to feed & I miss that ;)

What happens now is that our day usually start @ 8 - 9 am, he is up for 60 - 90 mins & then has a good morning sleep really easily so he usually sleeps for 90 - 120 mins & then he is awake again for 60 - 90 mins, when I put him back to sleep he will only sleep for 20 - 40 mins & I have to help him back to sleep with rocking the cradle. At night once he is down after 9.30 pm to 11pm he only wakes for a feed as this can be every 2 hrs on a bad night then I put him in with me to sleep it is just easier & we all get more sleep that way. It isn't like this all the time like when he goes through growth spurts which happens a lot & when he is out of sorts then I just go with the flow. If I haven't slept much the previous night I will have a sleep with him through the day - it's the only way I have survived :rolleyes:

This is a routine he developed himself it isn't perfect & I would kill for 4/5 hrs straight sleep but I remember it won't be like this forever that it will end one day & I he won't let me kiss or hug him anymore :rolleyes:.

Feel free to ask any q or VM (PM once you reach 25 posts) anytime, goodluck I things improve for you soon.