IVF STRESS

I've just received the bad news that my second attempt at IVF has failed. Nothing really prepares you for the grief does it? I really believed it had worked this time. I was absolutely convinced.
I am 28, comparably young I believe, with male factor sub fertility. There is no reason why is should not work for us. I have responded really well to treatment both times. Is it better to accept the cards you are dealt and move on, or to keep on and exhaust all possiblities of having a child of your own?
HELP!! :(

Hi Sararms,
I'm really sorry it didn't work out this time for you and your DH. :hug:
I don't think any of us can tell you when enough is enough. What I do think though is that it would be a good idea to have a chat with your RE to find out the nuts and bolts of the 2nd cycle, and their thoughts; and see your counsellor at the clinic to discuss how you are both feeling. I find it's better to never limit how many times you will want to try treatment of some kind....things change, circumstances change, so it's good to be flexible and allow for this.
Hope you are both doing okay. And I sincerely hope you both have wonderful news soon enough!
Best of luck,
Deirdre

Hi sararms, so sorry to hear that your second IVF attempt didn't work. :hug:

I just found out the same thing with my second IVF attempt two weeks ago. I found the first week after finding out was the toughest and I questioned whether I could go again - it was such an emotional rollercoaster. But now that I've been to see a Naturopath, she has me feeling more confident that it might still happen and I'm getting ready for another attempt early next year.

I don't think anyone can tell us when it's time to stop. I came into this thinking I'd give it one go and see what happened - after two attempts I know I'm not ready to stop yet. I have no idea how many attempts I might have - I'm hoping I'll just know when my body has had enough. Then again, hopefully with a little luck, something special will come along soon.

Here's hoping you and DH also get that special gift soon too. :crossfingers:

Take care,
Marg

Hi Sararms,
Sorry to hear your news. Unfortunately, nobody can tell you when enough is enough, that is a choice you have to make. At any age there are no guarantees with IVF. It may not feel like it now, but the pain eases with time. Does your IVF clinic offer counselling? Even if you dont think you need your head shrunk, talking to someone does help. Make an appointment to see your IVF Dr and talk over what happened and the options for next time. Then make your decision whether you're up for it.
Hope that helps,

Sorry to hear of your distress Sararms.
I can well understand your devastation.
As all the other girls have said, only you can decide when enough is enough.
For me, it took 15 years and innumerable disappointments.

This might give you a ray of sunshine.
I have three friends who tried IVF for years. One in particular tried for ten years and mortgaged their house to pay for it......and all three with no success and much heartache. They all fell pregnant within a year of giving up. The ten-year lady now has three sons. She told me that falling pregnant is like finding love. You don't find it when you're looking for it....& then you stop looking & it finds you. It's things like this that keep me going on the darkest of blue days.

My beautiful Nan says "Don't worry. It won't happen if you worry." (She has 11 children...I think that qualifies her)
And I know I've read other posts here that tell similar stories.
As for me, I still haven't figured out how to stop worrying!
But I'm sure it'll stop eventually. I'll never, never, never give up.....but I'm trying to let go.
Happy, tranquil thoughts for you.

Hi sararms,

I'm sorry that you're finding IVF so difficult. I, for one, know the feeling of not being sure when to give up.

It is a disappointing, heart-wrenching journey, and I do think that I did myself no favours in the end by believing it would be my miracle cure, and that it would happen in the first few cycles. I don't think there is a woman out there who doesn't think that when she first starts IVF. We all want to be the ones for whom it works first time.

A little background on me: I have had three children naturally previously (all in their teens now), and my DH has no fertility problems, and we, by rights, were the perfect candidates for IVF as my blocked tubes were my only fertility problems (due to a failed tubal ligation reversal) So when, 7 failed cycles later, no one could explain why it wasn't working, it was almost more than I could bear.

Luckily my story has a happy ending, as I am now 23 weeks pg from my 8th cycle. Did I think I was going to go for so long? Definitely not when I started, but in truth only you can decide how much you can take, and what price on your own life (or lack of a life in terms of IVF) you're willing to give up for what is essentially not a sure thing. It may happen the very next cycle, but it may not as well.

But having said that, it is not unusual for your first few cycles to fail (they don't tell you that when you go for your appts, do they?) because the doctors are still tweaking the meds, and will reference your hormone levels from your blood tests to regulate the meds for your later cycles. You should usually find that you will feel more in control in any subsequent cycles, and your doctor will have more of an understanding of how your body is working. And yes, miracles do happen sometimes and that much long-for baby comes along. There is just no magic number of cycles by which time it will definitely happen: for some, it's first time, and for others, it never does end up happening. If it's any consolation, though, most women fall by their 6th cycle.

I personally had no chance of falling pg naturally. Worrying, or not worrying, wouldn't have helped me at all. The thing that helped me the most was feeling in control, being informed, and allowing myself to heal with each disappointment.

Most importantly, though, was allowing myself to heal. And that may be what you need most of all. Hang in there! You're stronger than you think!

love
sushee

Wow. What a wonderful response. I'd like to thank you all for your replies. We've decided to change clinics and give them a chance of getting us pregnant. The new clinic has a 48% success rate compared to 31% where we are now. Plus they can offer us blastocyst transfer there which I think might help us a lot. I don't know why I'm no doctor I just have a feeling. What do you think about blastocyst transfer compared to three day embryos?

Coming to terms with the disappointment is hard but as the days go on I'm beginning to feel better and am researching what to do next.

Some of the stories I read on this site are so inspirational aren't they? My porblems feel tiny in comparison but when it's happening to you it just feels huge.

thanks again for the support.

Hi Sararms,

Which clinics are you referring to? Sorry, I donk know where Berks is to work it out.

You want to be careful when comparing "success rates" between clinics. One clinic may have a differnet definition of success to the other. Make sure that you have all the facts. Although we all have the notion that IVF will be the miracle cure, it sometimes takes a couple of goes for the Drs to get the "mix" right so to speak. Before changing clinics I would have a word with your current clinic to find out what they think happened and your options. Then at least you can take that knowledge to your next clinic if that's what you decide to do.

There have been other threads where the pros and cons of blasts have been discussed - I'm not clever enough to put in a link, but if you have a look back through the old pages on LTTTC you'll come across it.

Hope that helps

Hi sararms,

I've bumped the thread up regarding Day 2 Vs Blast embryo transfers in case you wanted to have a look.

What blue has said about success rates is very true. My clinic actually has a lower success rate than others in WA, mainly because they take on couples who have challenging fertility issues, or women who are overweight, where other clinics will not. And yet, as a general rule, they have the most advanced technologies avlb in WA. It may be worth you finding out from your FS, as blue suggested, what he thought went wrong this time. If it was just a case of bad luck, then by all means, change clinics. But if he does in fact identify a way to improve, you may be taking a step backwards by changing clinics.

As it happens, I fell pg on a blast transfer, but also know many for whom it has not been as successful. Keep an open mind and study your options. You have as much right to decide on your treatment as your doctor, but only if you can confidently feel that you know what's best for you. I, and others here, would be happy to answer any questions you have, or to help you find out where to get your answers. Remember, no question is ever silly. IVF is so complicated, and every clinic does it that little bit differently.

Good luck with it all. I agree that whether it's your first cycle or your 16th, a BFN can be so devastating. I hope rather than frighten you, I've given you something to think about and also some hope that persistence can sometimes pay off.

love
sushee

thanks again.

I have an appointment with my current clinic on the 3rd of Jan to discuss what went wrong this time. I think he will just say it was bad luck and to try another fresh cycle. My appointment at the new clinic is sometime in March. Such a long wait!! Now I'm really confused. You just want everything NOW NOW NOW don't you. I want to see the consultant now and I want to start treatment now. At the same time I want it all to stop. I'm sure I'm not the only person to say that! ](*,)

i am going to take your excellent advise and get all the info I can from my consultant and decide what to do next from there. It's great to speak to some one who has had a good result at the end of all this. I haven't been able to get on the previous discussions about blasts vs 3 days but I'll try and find it later.

I'm going to try and improve health wise (even though I'm not overweight , don't drink or smoke) I want the best chance next time whether I change clinics or not. =D>

thanks again

You're on the right track Sararms by improving your health. It can't hurt and you'll feel better able to contend with the rigours of AC as well if you're body is firing on all cyclinders. Knowledge will be your best ammo as Blue and Sush have said.
I'm sure you'll be fine. As someone earlier in this thread said, it's natural when starting on the AC road to believe it will work 1st or 2nd go. It's a scientific approach so why on earth wouldn't it? I understand your frustration. My ex and I were diagnosed with 'unexplained infertility'. I kept wishing they'd find something wrong and just fix it! Unfortunately though, and nobody knows why, it doesn't always work straight away. For some, like me, it never worked.
It's also normal to try everything on offer. Every natural therapy in the world has made it's way into my life (except acupuncture) - again nothing. If you don't try, you'll always be left wondering. Which is why I flew solo for a couple of cycles with a donor - just to see if that made a difference. It didn't.
But, having said all of that, I'm sure you'll be fine. As you've said, you're still a relative youngster and your chances of success are probably very good. I feel fairly certain you won't ever have to try to contend with the challenge of double figure failed attempts nor years and years of disappointment.
I wish you good luck with your journey - I [-o< that you can find the strength to handle it.

Thanks Suz

Isn't it amazing how the stress of a negative result just consumes you. For me certainly last time (not this time) I actually questioned my existence. I mean my friend got pregnant first time whilst on the pill, and this time with an IUD fitted!! I mean for God's sake. And she smoked all the way through her first pregnancy. It's just crushing isn't it. I don't now how you handled it but I'm the kind of person who after the initially grief, I try to fly into action. I want to find out lots of info and get on with the next stage, but certainly in the UK, you have to wait for a number of normal cycles to pass before you can have another go. That's the hardest bit for me.

I don't feel able to comment on your situation as I have not been through it. I hate it when people say, "I know how you feel", when they can't possibly, so I won't insult you. Can I just say you are in my thoughts and I being a believer in the miracle pregnancy wish the best for you.

Thanks so much for all your advise