m/c thursday night

Hi everyone,
I lost my baby on Thursday night, he (i say he because I could just feel a male spirit around) was 5 weeks 6 days, but I was meant to be 9 weeks or so pregnant.
I have to have an ultrasound today, so they can make sure that theres nothing stuck in there, and I really dont think that I can do it.
Im terrified. Last time I had an ultrasound was hard enough, because I was expecting to see a healthy baby and when they finally found him he had no heartbeat and everything was wrong. And now I have to go and see that theres nothing in there anymore.
I want my baby back, and I know that I cant because he doesnt exist anymore and with this ultrasound im going to have to face that head on.
I dont understand why I hurt so much when I was only so early on in the pregnancy!? I miss this baby, i loved him, and I dont get how I can have so much love for a baby that I never met and never will meet. How can I miss someone this badly? Am I going to get over this?
Half the time im fine, and so my friends and mum dont know that I feel like this, but my partner does, and its really confusing to be fine one moment and then desperately sad the next, when I just want to feel fine again!

Hi danielle,

Firstly I want to say i am so sorry for your loss. I understand the dark, horrible, sad place that you are at right now and its just not fair.

I went through a really hard phase with each of my mc's and I found that counselling really really helped me after the second one.

It doesnt matter if you were "only" 9 weeks pregnant, to you that was a perfect little baby growing inside and to have that taken away from you is so hard to deal with.

Over time you will grow stronger - make sure you give your heart emough time to heal, it takes a while to feel "fine" again.

:hug:

danielle - I am so sorry to hear of your loss. The pain will always be there and you will never 'get over it' so to speak. You will always hold a special place for that baby in your heart and as the days go by you just learn to live with the pain. It hurts so much because all of the hope and dreams you had for that baby are gone also.

I made a lovely little garden for my angel babies.

Sending you lots and lots of :hug: The sun will shine again, it just takes time.

danielle, I am so sorry for your loss. The pain will come and goes and just reading your post reminded me of how painful a loss can be. Don't be surprised if one day you feel great and only to be followed by the next day or even moment in the dark depression.

The moment you found out you were pregnant and even before you have dreamt of this baby, what his name would be, want he would look like, taking him to the park, birthing him, birthdays and Christmas celebrations so it would be surprising if you didn't morn his passing.

The pain will lessen but I believe it has changed me forever and that there is something different in my eyes that wasn't there before and will always be there.

Take your time to heal and go gentle and just take each moment as it comes. big hugs sweetie

I'm so sorry for your loss. Early losses are devestating to those who have them. It's something you don't understand until it happens to you. You will get over this, as hard as it is to believe right now. You will start to feel better in time, a little better each day.

You can expect to have some difficult times ahead of you. Expect to hate seeing pregnant women. Most of us feel that hatred for a while. Expect to get teary when you see babies in shopping centres. Expect jealousy when others announce their pregnancies. It's all normal. The pain does go away until it's just a sad memory....eventually.

Ohh so sorry to hear this. A mc is a terrible thing to go throught, no matter how many weeks you are, you are preg no matter what anyone says it was still a baby no matter how early they left you.
I had a mc in 2006 and my best friend was preg with her 2nd and we were going to be 4 months apart and were so excited but then unfortunatly mine was not to be and at 8 week my angel left.
It was very hard to see her pregnancy progress and especially hard when she had the baby, but with her support and other friends and family support i got throught it.

I also hated seeing preg woman in shopping centres and got teary seeing new born babies (being a midwife made this exceptionally hard as i was exposed all day every day)

What I am trying to say as it does hurt but you will get past it but it takes time and you will always remember your angel baby.

Huge hugs :hug::hug::hug:

Danielle,

Honey, i am so saddened by your loss and remember my loss.

Just like the other girls have said it does take time to heal and recover from a mc but a piece of your heart will always remember this little angel boy of yours.

I still weep for my angel and am jealous of the preg bellies and newborns which i see. i yearn for its baby smell but it was not meant to be.

You will conceive again and hopefully get to meet the next one but you will always forever carry your little boy with you.

Take all the time to grieve as this is normal and turn a deaf ear and blind eye to all the negativity of what everybody says or does regarding your loss. What you are feeling is normal.

Take care :hug:

Hi everyone,
Thankyou all so much for your support, and for sharing your stories with me.
And thanks for pointing out that it doesnt matter that I was early on in the pregnancy, and that Im allowed to feel like this.
I survived the ultrasound, it was hard but the ultrasound tech was nice this time (she wasnt last time).
I ended up making a bead thing to hang from my lamp, as a memorial sort of thing - I got a flower bead, and from that hung a little blue gem the size of what the baby was, and under that a silver heart with a gem inset into it, to represent that I will always hold this baby in my heart.
Im having a better day today, mainly because Im feeling a little better - I think Ive got an infection, because ive got headaches, nausia, and a pain in my apendix area. But today mum came over, made me eat something and watch a movie, and dosed me up on panadol, which helped. Ive got a docs appt tommorow, so Im sure if I do have an infection he'll give me something for it.

Danielle - just wanted to say how sorry I am for the loss of your precious baby. He was YOUR baby no matter how tiny and will always stay in your heart. As others have said, you can't understand the intensity of grief and loss until you've been through it, so do remember that neither your partner nor your family can know how you feel. don't let others make you think you need to be "over it". Take things in your own time. Eventually, life will seem brighter. The bead sounds like a lovely way to remember.

Danielle- I'm sorry that you lost you bub's :hug: No matter how early you were that baby was apart of you since you first found out that you were pregnant, And that baby will be with you forever in your heart. I too suffered a early loss I was 6 week's and 1 day pregnant and it still hits me on how fast it happened and how much it hurts.
I hope that you can find that you have support here whenever you need to talk. :hug:.

Danielle -

Your baby is REAL from the moment you know you are pregnant. I feel so much for your story - it is similar to mine (lost at 10-12 weeks - 7/15/08). You are so brave to post and seek the support of the fabulous women on this board.

I surround you with love and support and remember - everything and anything you are feeling is ok - this process rips one's heart out and hopefully it remains mostly intact and you will feel better again one day - though you won't forget.

You are in my heart........

Heather:hug: