wedding planning, second time round, what to do?

i have eighteen months to plan, because we're inviting DF's friends fromthe UK and want to give them plenty of time to save up for what will be an expensive trip, and also circumstances may change - adding babies etc to a family. i feel bad that they will have to go to such expense if they do decide to come!! also, my family is in wollongong, we're in coffs, so a 1200k round trip for them. my sis is wanting me to do the wedding at hers, she has the venue and the experience in planning functions, but i feel it's my day and i'll do it my way.

so. keeping it simple, i want mid morning at the botanic gardens, and back to the upmarket pub for finger food and champagne. there will be elderly ppl, my stepmother and her husband, and DF's parents are a bit older too, so i think if the younger ppl want to kick on and keep drinking, they are in the perfect place, and there's motels across the road. i'm thinking 40 people, no more, simple ceremony, the boys in kilts and ghillie shirts (it will be november, and probably hot) and i don't want a bridesmaid either. it's my second marriage and i feel i would rather spend money renovating my bathroom that blow thousands on just one day. (that's just a personal opinion, not a judgement on those who long for big weddings)


my grown daughters and son will be there, so if i ask them to be bridesmaids and not ask my son to be in the wedding party there will be jealousy. i'm thinking of asking DF's dad and my stepmother's husband to both give me away, and maybe ask my stepmother to stand in as mother of the bride. and give them plenty of time to think about it because they're not the most social of people!!

i'm stuck for colours because DF wants his family tartan (farquarson) and that leaves me blue or green to choose from (i don't want white, cream or any shade of beige) and i want to wear my antique aurora borealis crystal jewelry - i have enough that my girls can wear some too, and i want everyone to be able to be dressy but casual - comfortable, more like a party than a formal wedding.

so i guess i'm looking for suggestions and opinions - i'm not good at social gatherings, and my sis is no help because she'll want to take over and make it totally embellished and overblown! she's amazing but so totally opposite to my laid-back style.

am i being unrealistic? :rolleyes: will i just get everyone's nose out of joint?