Struggling to stay up after loosing one twin

I'm new to the site and new to chat overall, I've never used on before but I could really use some friendly encouragement and just anyone to talk with. I'm on bed rest after loosing one of my twin boys at 14.5 weeks, I'm now 18.5 with the remaining - also a boy. I've not really been ready to talk (or write) about yet. He was born/died here at home, like another thread I read here, it happened when I went to the bathroom, so I have tremendous anxiety about using the bathroom - although I have a cerclage now, I'm still afraid it will happen again. I'm really sad, but trying so hard to keep it all together so I don't hurt the other baby.

My husband lost his job two weeks before this happened, so some stress in our house to say the least. I know he wants to be a good support but he sometimes I guess he is just overwhelmed. He's going to go visit a college friend for a couple of days, but I hate when he leaves, the house is soo quiet and too much time to think. I have two teenage son's from my previous marriage, so I won't be alone but I feel bad when they have to take care of me. I'm reasonably self sufficient, but can't be on my feet for more than 10 or 15 minutes.

I'm surprised at how people react to situations like this. I've had very few people reach out to me in any way and it makes me feel very lonely. I thought I had a few (not a lot, but few) good friends...I have one. I would have told you that I have great neighbors, but in reality I have two great neighbors - one who brought us dinner one night and the other that simply came by to say she was sorry. At first I thought people didn't know (to spite 2 ambulances, 3 state police and about 5 volunteer cars coming the saturday afternoon it all happened) but I'm learned they all know. I guess there is a lesson in that, show up, say something...anything..."sorry", "I'm thinking of you"...anything is better than ignoring and silence.

Near strangers have actually been the nicest....hence I thought I'll try to find some new friends here to chat and pass some time with....maybe you also need some one to talk (chat) with and find diversions....

Mel :hug::hug::hug: So sorry to hear of your loss. I couldn't even begin to understand how you are feeling. All I can offer is a cyber hug or 3. Your anxiety is completely understandable.

Belly Belly is a great place to meet new people. This site is full of the nicest people I know who are always willing to offer a shoulder to cry on and offer fantastic advice.

:hug:

Sarah

Hi there,

First let me say how sorry I am for the loss of your twin, it must be devastating, something I cannot even imagine. There are lots of women on this site who are lovely and encouraging and here to support you, so I thought I'd start.

We don't know why these things happen to us but as I've come to realise, we cannot control what God has planned for us we can only try and live as good a life as we can.

Do you have sisters or family nearby that you can talk with? I know I can reach out to my sisters or my mum if times are desperate even though they live in Sydney and I live in Cairns.

Keep your spirits up as you have another baby who needs you right now.

God Bless

Hii Mel,
The world seems to turn upside down when you lose a bub late when all is suppose to be ok. I have had 3 pregnancys the first was tainted with loss of baby a early at 5 weeks and then losing her twin at 17 weeks, the second was lost at 20 weeks but my third with the help of a cerledge stayed put till 36 weeks and bed rest for 6 months. It is hard to over come all the emotional battles that go with bed rest more the fact that every moment every trickle every thought is consumed with what that little one is doing and if your body is holding up.
Looking back now I lost 2 little angels but got a wonderful living baby because of there loss...Hugs it doesnt go quickly but in years to come it will be a small pathway to what you have.

Mel, firstly welcome to BB. I second what Sarah has said about this site being full of the nicest and caring people.

I also joined BB because i believed that my closest friends and family didnt understand my struggle to conceive and i definately found that support here. Even through the early loss of 2 babies when i wasnt ready to talk about it - i knew i would get understanding and compasion when i was.

I am so sorry that your little boy passed away :hug: and i can understand you anxiety. I guess people react in ways we wouldnt have thought becasue they just dont know what to do. As much as it hurts you - they are not deliberately trying to ignore whats happened, they probably have just never had to deal with it before.

I hope you dont feel lonely for too much longer :hug:

:welcome:
:comfort::hug: :comfort:
Hi welcome to BB. I'm sorry for your loss.
I wish you lots of luck with the rest of your pregnancy.
Stick around coz there are alot of people on here who are more than willing to listen to what ever problems you have. No matter what it is, you can come here.
:)

Hi Mel,

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss and now your bedrest.

After my loss I cut myself off from most of my family and friends, I don't regret it, I just needed to deal with things myself. I felt much more comfortable talking to other women online who had been through similar situations.

Although my friends and family have been good to me, chatting to other women I've learned that it's very common that you feel let down by the reactions of those in your life. Many people just don't know what to say so they say nothing, others mean well but end up saying the wrong thing. Some just aren't the friends you thought they were. Try and hold onto the good ones.

The other thing I dread is people who think they know how I feel... a friend whose partner had a healthy son recently told me he knew how I felt because she'd had a first trimester miscarriage... while I can appreciate that would have been devastating, it's not the same, and the fact that they have a healthy child now made me angry that he would say that. It's normal to go through this I think,you just have to take it a day at a time.

Good luck,

Rozzie

HI Mel,
I am so deeply sorry about the loss of your precious son. It is bittersweet to still has his twin brother and I can understand how you are struggling. Most people would expect you just to be grateful you have one, but that would be like telling you to be grateful for your other teenage son if something happened to the other.
I have lost 6 babies in total with the last 4 being 2 sets of twins. The pain is endless and most people just don't "get it". I have learnt to try and switch off from those who can't/won't provide the much needed support and surround yourself with a small few who can help.
The ladies on BB will always provide a friendly ear to bash so keep coming in whenever you need.
Praying for your little man to go the full distance with you

Hi Mel
I understand exactly what you are going through and I am so sorry for your loss. We lost our little boy, Zacahry, at 35 weeks and that was just over 4 weeks ago now. I am still struggling to deal with it. If you want to chat or just vent - I am here.

Theresa