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Hi thought i would say hello. I 'm single 29weeks and have two boy's 4 and 2 years. Having heaps of problems with custody over the kids, property settlement and divorce papers. Anybody out there going through simular stuff or want any advice i have been battling for 12 months now, i can possibly make suggestions to help. Would love somebody to chat with seems like something new troubles me every day.
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Thanks for replying how did you manage to stay away from the custody battle which is my biggest problem. The two boys have a gay father (omg) killed me to find out and the baby i'm carring his father decided life was to hard with a premade family so wants to take the baby after the birth and only give me limited visitation i'm so devo don't know what to do next.
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Hi there...im not quite single yet but after giving DP until the end of Sept (4 weeks ago) to pick his game up with our relationship nothing has changed and he refuses to go to counselling so I decided that come the end of Sept we will be separating and i am currently in the process of organising my finances etc
Its pretty sad really that he doesnt feel our relationship is worth swallowing his pride and getting help but then again Id rather find out now than in 20 years when the kids are gone.
Thanks girls for your input. I think of myself as a good mum i don't drink smoke or do any drugs for a start. I spend every bit of money on my kids trying to give them the best life i can. I Put the money out and got my 4 yr old counselling after the separation also some help for his speach and level of interest in learning. I spend all my time with them doing puzzles, riding bikes, going to play group ect... I breast fed both boy's till 14months and plan to feed this bubby too, it's very important to me to give them that fighting chance any way possible. When it comes to men getting help they will almost every time refuse. I had my ex husband to do anger management and parenting classes through mediation when we had our court oders done up. He had to complete those before his visitation could start. Just a suggestion for those with that sort of ex. For those people who can't afford a solicitor i recommend centrecare they were great but before doing the mediation you should research as much as you can using the net, books, others experiences anything and don't sign anything you don't agree with make sure you are completely happy with the parenting plan and that you can live by it till it needs to be reviewed. It is very hard to charge the arrangments when your ex is hard to get along with. you can find very good parenting plan examples on the net and they are the same as court orders but the contents is decided by both parents. When signed they hold just as much weight in court as the court orders. I hope some of this could be helpful to someone if you want to know any more or i could forward on some great examples so you have an idea of what things you should think about before going it that mediation room.
Message for MIS_TREE , ... I have one thing to say " Seth is very lucky to have you as his Mother ... as for his Dad how cruel as his actions in the end effect his very own son ... what an immature act on his behalf ... You keep on doing the beautiful job that you DO in being Seth's Mother " :hug:
(hope for your sake you don't have to deal with your EX's family much with their behavior towards you ... takes a stronger person to be KIND & a weak person to be the opposite)
Mis_tree i just wish to warn you to be very carefull whist you don't have the court orders. Your ex can simply not return your son when he takes him for visitations and hold him till the court say's other wise. He is 50% his and 50% yours in the eye's of the law. I have been through this, i don't wish to scare you only inform you. It's great you give him time with your son that will go in your favour but be sure he is not likely to keep him. Also have it noted that you wish for your son not to be given a bottle of any sort babies get nipple taet confusion and refuse the breast as it is easier for them to get the milk out of the bottle. This is something my ex has threatened me with so he will get our newborn sooner for longer periods. If he does not manage to get the custody from birth. Which he won't (fingers and toes crossed ) I suggest that you only allow supervised visits till you do have the court oders and they are signed by the magistrate.
Don't worry about DOCS at all if you sought help for your problems then that shows you have done everything you can in the best interest of your child lots of mothers go throught PND and they don't loose there children. As for what he said or says to you it is so important to write it all down in a diary even if you don't remember the dates the courts will look at all of that.
As for him taking things from you and money from your accout that is such a low act mine did the same but again write it down. Everything thing these days is for THE BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILD and he is oviously not thinking of his son, only himself and how to hurt you. If you have it all written down the courts will use this against him.
We should all be aware that there are multiple issues that the law looks at, each case is different.
97% of cases are settled before final hearing/trial, so most people can work it out for themselves. However some do need a little help from solicitors, barristers and Family Report writers to sort out what is best for EACH PARTICULAR child at THIS PARTICULAR time.
Just be aware that each case is different - what has worked for you and your XH/XP might not work for others. Sure, it's great to share advice, but please make sure you get INDEPENDENT LEGAL ADVICE pertaining to your own situation.
How do I know this? I'm a single Mum to my two boys, my XH has supervised time with them. I work for myself and I end up dealing with the 3% of matters that don't settle. I'm a barrister.
Hey girls i said i would update you after i had seen my solicitor. She informed me that i should not mediate with this man until our baby is born and there is something to mediate over. She read the emails he had sent to me and took them as threats aswell. She will eat him alive when we do mediate so at the moment he is the least of my worries.
Just wondering if any of you have some advice on talking to children about visitation. My boys are 2 and 4 they stay with their dad 4 nights in a row every fortnight. They call me on the sunday night. The eldest son says "i lost mummy" and when i pick him up he says "i not lost anymore you save me". Then with my 2 yr old he asks me out right saying "home come home now" and again when i pick him up he says "oh yes home now" It rips at my heart strings when i have to tell them not to much longer mummy will be there to get you tuesday morning when you wake up but hey don't understand. How can i make the situation better for them what can i say to make them feel better about being with their dad.
I talk to them and tell them daddy loves you just as much as mummy and he wants to spend time with you too. But it just don't seem to matter to them. Help i want to stop hurting my kids.