Routine or go with the flow???

It's one of those debates that you hear about sometimes but not as m,uch as others .ie breast or bottle, dummy or no dummy!! I don't want to create tension but would love to hear what others think.

Today I was chatting to a mum at Gymbaroo and I mentioned that it was difficult for me to put Mackenzie into swimming lessons because she still sleeps 3 times a day and I didn't want to have to wake her (or keep her up ) for swimming lessons ( bit easier to do that for gymbaroo). Anyway the mum was quite shocked we had no routine and we couldn't work around her sleep times for lessons!

I cruise along for awhile thinking what we are doing is okay (which I know it is) but then when I speak to someone like that I start to think "oh no - maybe by this age she should have one?" I have always followed her signs and put her to sleep when she shows signs which differs everyday. I pretty much still demand feed and because she won't eat solids we try those at random times throughout the day rather than at a set time. So is this bad?? How do you put a baby in a routine when they aren't like that? I guess we could be more strict .ie not going out when we feel like but... that's no fun!! She does have a general pattern I guess:

Wake up - anywhere between 6 - 8 depending on how night went
Morning sleep - approx 1 - 1 1/2 hours
Midday sleep - 1 hr
Late arvo sleep - 45 mins
Bedtime -anwyhere between 6.30 - 8pm

The days differ depending on where we are going and how good the night before was. Anyway after all that rambling what are your opinions on routines? I personally in a perfect world would actually like more structure (a little more) but have realised this isn't always possible. Or do you think I should be stricter?

I had a routine with DD1 as she needed to feed every 3hrs while I was bf'ing her but when I put her on a bottle at 5 months I just used the same sort of routine, it worked for her.

With DD2 I had NO routine whatsoever till pretty much now, even then her sleep time changes or dissapears depending on what we do. She's 18 months now and both girls have the same routine, but they eat the same food now.

If what you are doing works then why change?

One thing tho, dont stop doing something that might be important just coz she needs a sleep, she will get over it.

Cheers,

Beck

Hi there JordieC,

in all honesty it sounds as though your girl has her own routine and that's pretty awesome! and if it's working for you both then go with it! man i wish i could get some decent midday naps...ho hum...maybe your girl could chat with my girl...LOL!

In our case we went with a loose routine in the early days (more for me than bub as i needed to feel as though the days had some structure) but this only went so far as to follow tired signs etc etc. i used to take leila out with me during the day as i knew that she would be able to sleep in her pram fairly well. she still does this, but her sleeps are not so long or deep when we are out...too curious!

i think that by the sounds of it things are working really nicely for you. and a baby doesnt really need a routine per say. cliche i know, but some do and some dont. for example, L has her own bed time routine: massage, dim lights and a feed. but during the day she is off to sleep on her own.
we are pretty firm on bed-time (6.30) but this is only because L is a grumpy bum from 5.30 onwards...

what is M like when she misses the midday nap? maybe give a lesson or two a go (if you really want to go swimming...it is FUN!) and see how she goes. In our case by the time L is put in her pram for the walk home she is out like a light for 3+ hours! when we go swimming we miss the mid morning nap, and she copes ok, as swimming is her fav activity...

HTH! :)

I agree, I think she does have a 'routine' of her own.

I also think that at her age she'd cope just fine without that midday nap if you wanted to take her swimming. Like the other ladies have said, on those days you'll probably find she sleeps longer in the afternoon.

Um, you sound like there's a beautiful routine happening!

We did routine from the beginning but were more tight with it to begin with until we formed a gorgeous rhythm with bubby. Now that she is older, we are more flex with it so I don't mind her missing a nap here and there. She still naps twice a day for approx 1&1/2 hours so I'll either miss the morning or the afternoon, never both......gawd! She'd be so feral! :D

I did miss things in the beginning coz for us, the whole establishing routine was kinda higher on the priorities then the outing/event etc but it was only for a season and like I said, now we do so much...........must admit too that flexibility came easier and faster with DD#2 as the world couldn't stop seeing as I also had a 3 year old! Lol!

What you have going sounds so great......don't change anything if its working, that'd be more stressful and annoying imo than anything :) :hug:

I definately think what you are doing is fine and is a routine! I don't agree with "wake baby at 7am on the dot, nap at 930 on the dot, feed from one breast for 20 mins blah blah" but that's just me! I think you need to take your cue from bub and do what works for both of you.
As far as fitting in lessons etc... when she goes to 2 sleeps you will probably find that easier. Isabelle is 15mths old and still has 2 day naps and lots of people at my mothers groups are saying "oh they should only be having one now" WHO says??? My girl still needs a 40min -1 hr nap in the arvo - yep some days its a PITA other days I take her out to do stuff and if she needs to nap she is more than happy to do it in the car, and that's fine too.

We have had a bedtime of 7 every night regardless of what goes on in the day, sometimes up to 730 but very rarely and this hasn't changed at all since she was little. The way I put her down for her naps during the day is the same too - soft songs, stories etc, at night it's bath, quiet time, bottle and bed. That is her routine and works for us. I just said to DH the other night - well it's going to be hard getting rid of the night bottle and he looked at me and said, well, she likes it, its milk, what is the big deal, we will get rid of it when she is ready. Sensible advice! :) Keep up the great work!

Like the PP we have no fixed day routine, but bedtime is no later than 8pm on a normal night. Usually bath at 7pm, followed by boob (fed the sleep). I prefer to follow his cues than the clock and it works well for us. Hard to plan for sometimes, but it has meant that he is very flexible about when and where he sleeps. I'm not a routine driven person (ie, I don't eat/sleep at the same set times every day) so I don't expect Oliver to be either.

Its funny you should bring this up, because I am battling with a similar question. It seems like from the moment you give birth, the important of routine is jammed down your throat. Now, I am a very routine oriented person, so it has always appealed to me. We now have Peter on a routine of 3 naps a day and a bedtime routine, but, like you, when they are and how long they are varies according to the day- it works for us and I consider it a routine.

BUT, I feel a bit "chained" to it... while he will sleep in his pram, I really do have to organise my days around his nap times. And even more restrictive, what we can do at night is fairly ruled according to Peters bedtime and routine.

I am wondering if anyone has any suggestions on how they manage their bed-time routine with occasionally going to friend's houses for dinner (which seems to be the extent of our "going out" at the moment!).

I'm another one that has a strict bedtime routine at night, but only a loose routine during the day. I've done it this way since Nina was born, and it works for us.

amberj - if we have plans to go out, I usually bath the girls before going and get them dressed in their pj's. That way when we get home, the girls can go straight to sleep. And Emily will usually just sleep in the pram while we're out.

It sounds like your DD has a routine and it you, DH and bub are happy then who cares what others do.

DD 1 was a bub that liked routine and she kept to it like clock work..boy did I think I was super mum. being super organised and predictable.

Then DD2 came and she hated routine in the begining. Then I felt like the worst mum because I could not predict what she needed. At this point I decided to let go and follow her lead.

Now DD2 has formed her own routine and funnily she has synchronised with DD1.

I do promote a predicable bedtime routine and this has only just started to work for DD2.

hi girls,
firstly, jordieC - don't listen to those idiots that tell you you're child 'should' be doing this or that, every child has their own learning patterns, and when you're DD is ready, she will stop having the 3rd nap. As for swimming lessons, GO FOR IT, they will most likely tire her out so she will be more than happy to sleep as soon as you get home... and probably for a bit longer than usual too so you'll get a break as well!
i know i dont have as much experience as you girls but being around so many friends with children has helped me so much with deciding how to bring up my own.

DS is only 9 weeks old but i never forced him into any routine, he has made up his own, he will wake up around 6am, feed and go back to sleep for a few hours, then he might be awake for a couple of hours and drop off on his own a few times during the afternoon, and decided he wants to go to bed at 8pm every night...

as for bedtime routines when you're out... if i'm over someone's house with DS, i dont go home when he's ready for bed, if he wants to sleep, i give him a feed and put him in one of their beds until i'm ready to go... and because i've done that from when he was only a couple of weeks old, now he knows that bedtime is bedtime no matter where he is, he sleeps fine anywhere now, its great!

so after all that, in answer to you're question jordieC, you're little cherub is doing mighty fine just the way she is, she'll change when she's ready, going with the flow is the easiest thing to do for you and bubs, and i repeat dont listen to those "OH SHE'S STILL SLEEPING THAT MUCH??" people! every child is different, otherwise we'd all be clones...

amberj - we take the portacot and pop DD down if we go out for an evening. I usually check with the friends first and ask if its ok to do so etc which it pretty much always is. It is touch and go as to whether she will sleep sometimes but I just stay relaxed and if she ends up simply needing mummy cuddles then we might just alter our exit time to before 11pm ;) to help DD get used to the portacot though i started putting her down for naps in it at home so it wasn't a case of a strange bed in a strange room when we went out......and I always use the same blanket so there is familiarity for her iykwim.....hth :hug: