I feel terrible

I don't knwo how to start - I feel awful. you do evereything you can to be a good parent and then something happens and you feel like the worst person on earth. My DH feels terrible too.

Mackenzie had an allergic reaction over a week ago - the docs weren't sure what it was and we were booked into see specialist in Dec. I thought it might be the oranges I had eaten beacause that was the only different thing. She had small tastes of custard and yogurt went near her lips. 2 days before the rash she had 2 sips of cows full cream milk.

Yesterday, a month after I orginally called the O'Connells parenting centre, a lady rang me asking if we still needed their assistance. I said I wasn't sure and then explained how Mackenzie doesn't eat solids and that's why we had rang - because health nurse suggested it.

Long story cut short - she was quite concerned about lack of solids and said because of the allergy and no eating she needed to see specialist and padeatrician immediately not in Dec. She gave me a heap of numbers to call - most at Royal Childrens. She said she would be missing vital nutrients and window of opportunity to learn chewing, eating etc. would be closing. She was also concerned because my brother who s 28 had strong history of not eating anything other than chips, bread, crackers plain food et.c no fruit, vegies, meat, pasta, rice. She said there may be a link.

I feel terrible because we thought she was going okay and she would eat in her own time - ABA and other professionals had been of the opinion that she would be okay and would learn eventually. She is a good weighht - over 9 kg and seems healthy. I am so confused - who do you trust - how do you know what is right?

To top it off this morning DH gave Mackenzie some sips of his banana smoothie - banana, REV milk and low fat icecream. Lots came out - she didn't drink much but still... anyway her rash has flared up again so now I am thinking it's dairy again. We're seeing docs in hour or so.

I feel bad that we didn't see professionals earlier. I feel bad that we gave her something that she could be allergic too but we were so excited that she was interested in having something, especially after the phone call yestreday which made me panic thinking we've stuffed up. I know you can't force feed a child and we have tried soooo many different things. I'm at a loss - sorry about the ramble.

I hope the specialist goes well.....Jasmine still isnt eating solids either....half a jar of custard is her limit....but forget any other foods....she is now just over 10 months.

Darlin don't feel like your a bad mother. You were only following the advice of ABA and the other professionals. I know it's confusing with the whole ' who do you trust & how do you know is right' situation, but i'm sure as others will probably agree you can't listen to them 100% of the time darl, they're guidelines. If you feel that your baby is ready for solids, give her solids. Heck i've copped so much flack for giving my 4 month old solids, as I copped flack for stopping breastfeeding. Believe me, I know all too well the feeling of feeling like a guilty mother, like I wasn't doing anything right. When I was making the transition from Breastfeeding to Formula I cried for a week, every night. Dp had no idea what to do. I just remember saying over and over what a terrible mother I was because I couldn't feed my own child and that was mostly due to the "stigma" that some people in society place against you for choosing to formula feed. I guess my point is, There is soooo much information out there darl, BUT just because one thing works for one baby, doesn't mean that it will work for another kwim? I started my dd on solids because I knew she was ready, and she LOVES it. But don't beat yourself up because of this, you were doing what you thought was right that doesn't make you a bad mother, that makes you a great mother. Make yourself a nice big cuppa, sit back and relax, your doing a great job. xoxox :hug:

:hug: Jordie I dont have any words of wisdom, just wanted to give you a hug darl :hug:

Jordie, don't feel bad, you're only human hun! You're learning to be a parent and can only go on the advice that's given to you, especially when you have clearly been worried and asked for information/advice before now. Also if you're going to blame anything then blame the overloaded health system that was quite happy to make you wait until December before giving you some specialist advice and the parenting centre that waited a month to call you!

The important thing is that you have taken the steps that you need to take now, the window of opportunity is still open, and you will get the information and help that you need. The people at the hospital will be very specialised and will be able to give you very specific help. It will be a load of worry off your mind once they have identified what is causing the reactions and also once you have a plan on how to tackle the eating end of things.

Be kind to yourself sweetie. xxx and :hug:
Let us know how you get on today.

Jordie hun, big hugs. You haven't done anything wrong sweets. Really you haven't. She is only just coming up to 1 yo now, that is NOT too late to start solids. If she was ready for them earlier she would have been eating already. Please don't feel bad.

As for the allergy, I know what you mean. DS1 had a rash the first time he had yoghurt and I was devastated as it was literally the first thing he would eat. Luckily he can now eat yoghurt fine, but he was about 15 months before that happened.

I hope you get to see someone really helpful now who can give you the answers you want. Please try not to worry.

Hi Jordie
I just saw this now - how did you go at the Dr?
I just wanted to say, please do not feel bad or blame yourself - I can tell from all your posts what a wonderful and caring mum you are, and your DH sounds great too. YOu have consuklted so may ppl about this and get differing advice, and you know what they are prob all right, bc there just isnt one right answer. I hope you can choose a professional and go with them all the way, just follow their guidelines if they are someone you trust - bc all the conflicting info is just going to make you feel worse. You so have not missed the boat or anything like that, she is just coming up to 12 months and she sounds really healthy and happy. I really know that it will all work out. Be kind to yourselves you have done so well til now and are always looking out for her best interests - she is lucky to have parents like you.

Hi all, I totally agree with Kirsty lee,it`s tough being a parent,and every baby/child is so different,we have had 5 bubs and they are all so different,our 2 year old has just been diagnosed lactose intolerant and after 6 months of tummy upsets,bad sleep patterns and vomitting,we have got this sorted now,my husband and i were tearing our hair out,sometimes we don`t have all the answers,but we can only do our best,and thats all we can do. Now we are having teething problems with our youngest,who doesn`t want to sleep.
Jordie,you and your partner are good parents,don`t let people tell you other wise,believe in yourselves.:hug:

Thank you to everyone who wrote kind thoughts - I really appreciate your support especially when you're feeling down on yourself!! :)I know that we are doing a good job but it's just so confusing sometimes.

We saw doc who was very nice and she agreed that we should see allergist and paediatrician but she wasn't as overly concerned as lady from parenting centre. Luckily we got into paed tomorrow as someone else cancelled. They are at Royal Childrens and hopefully we can also see allergist there - doc faxed referral today.

Mackenzie is fine - the antihistmaine worked and her rash has settled again. We now just have to find out a: what allergies she has and b: continue with food and possibly supplements. I hope we can start trying with foods again soon without worrying about allergies - bugger cause she actually enjoyed that smoothie!:doh:

Jordie, I am so glad you are feeling better. We all know you are doing an awesome job hun, so please try not to be hard on yourself. Best of luck for tomorrow.

I saw your post earlier but didn't get a chance to reply so I am glad to hear that you are feeling more confident then yesturday.
It is hard to know what to do when there are so many differing opinions by the 'experts' & it seems to change all the time.
So for what it's worth here is my opinion & understanding....

First of all as others have said you have asked for help before so I believe that every choice you make is as informed as it can be & tbh you can't do more than that & this is what makes you a great mum

Secondly, I'm assuming your brothers preference for 'plain' food is because of preference not because he is allergic to vegies etc... so to me that would mean he chooses to be like that. As someone who didn't always eat a wide variety it is a choice, I now eat seedy bread & lot's of vegies. So just because your bro is plain eater doesn't automaticaly mean your DD will be like this.

Thirdly, my understanding is that food is fun until they are one (love that motto) & while yes there are lots of babies out there who wolf into solids at a much younger age it is not that unusual for a b/f baby to not eat much until after one. So I don't think you have missed the window of opportunity.

Fourth, this means you must make some great milk cause obviously your DD is getting all her nutricious (sp) needs met by your milk. Another reason why you are a GREAT mum. :lol:

Fithly, my understanding of allergies such as milk is that if you had started her on solids earlier & milk earlier the allergy would have been noticed sooner so I don't think it was caused because you delayed foods.

Sixthly, how stressful would have been had you made your daughter have solids? surely you have been following your DD guide that she just isn't interested in solids & as a result you have had a much happier household.

So now that I have come down from my highhorse I could suggest, if you haven't already, that you investigate baby led solids, there is info on here about it & videos on youtube. I am sure the dr's will do all the test & I wouldn't be surprised if they find that she is healthy & getting all her nutrients (sp) from you she just happens to have allergies.
Goodluck with it all.
HTH

sorry this is gonna be quick as im off to bed,
my son has a reaction to dairy so i have him on soy milk for the time being.

Quick update - Mackenzie saw paed today who was very nice. He was not concerend at all that she wasn't eating - he said she wouldn't be breastfeeding when she got married so don't worry!!! ha ha He also said that while it was very liekly she had allergy not to worry abtou seeing specialist yet - we can just do elimination thing ourselves. He said it was highly likely that it was dairy so we will steer clear of that for awhile and try again another time. Feel heaps better now!! Sticking one with this guy and that's it!!! Thanks everyone!

Excellent news, glad you are happy about it all.

Oh Jordie, I am so happy that the paed was able to reassure you that you have been doing the right thing all along. I always thought you were doing the right thing, but I understand it carries a lot more weight coming from a paed. I think this is such great news and I am really pleased that you can stop worrying now. Great stuff. Keep up the good work.

That's great news Jordie, goodluck introducing solids & working out her allergies, hopefuly it will be something she will grow out of.

That is such good news Jordie - I am so glad you are feeling reassured and have someone you trust and can follow his advice. That is so great!