I feel like the worst Mum

I am feeling so bad right now, I have had a horrible day with Cooper and I feel terrible about how I have dealt with it.

Cooper (2yo) is getting over a middle ear infection, the last 3 weeks have been full on with him waking in the night, or taking 3 hours just to get to sleep. It has been tiring.

He seems like he is over the infection, because he is laughing and playing again, but is really pushing the boundaries at home and when we went out yesterday, doing nothing I would say and just being rebelious, which really isn't like him.

Then today, after an hour of tears, he refused to go to sleep, so I got him up, because we had renovators who decided to suddenly arrive and make noise, he had this cheeky grin on his face, so made me think it wasn't because he was sick. I was so angry because I am so tired, I smacked him hard on his bottom and told him to stay in his room for quiet time. But I felt SO angry and out of control!!

He has been off his food, but seems to be back on it a couple of days ago, but nothing would go down today, and he just threw it across the room. When he did this not only at lunch, but then at dinner, along with everything that I have going on emotionally, I just cracked it, smacked him on the bum hard, and he burst into tears. I felt like banging my head against the brick wall - seriously. :wall:

I FEEL SOOO BAD. I cried for ages afterwards, because he actually seemed scared of me. I feel horrible.

Does anyone ever feel like this? I feel like I am the only one.

Oh Mumoftwo - you poor chicken. I wish I could give you a break becuase it sounds like your one mummy that just needs 5 mins for herself atm.

In answer to your question..these things happen when we are over stressed, tired and pushed beyond our boundries. Im sure you think Cooper is acting this way because you feel so bad for your actions. Your not the first mother to feel this way and you wont be the last. Its human nature.

The fact that you cried and felt so terrible afterwards cries out that you are not a bad mum at all. You just had a bad moment that maybe could have been handled in a different manner next time.

Take it as a learning curb hon......try and find a technique to use for when you feel like this for next time.

Thanx Maz, but what techniques can I use? I am lost, I don't know how to deal with him when he is like this.

I have a demanding 6 YO and when he is in naughty mode I turn it around back at him...eg

DS - I dont want to sit on the chair

ME - I dont think the chair wants you to sit on it

end effect - DS sits on the chair. Ive also started making testing situations into games and in the end I feel alot better about how I handled the situation to suit me rather then him. Its hard and children can be testing but if you end up feeling like a load has been lifted of your shoulder's and your both smiling then its all worth it.

It took me a long time, alot of tears and yes...i did the flip out thing too, to come to the techniques i used. When they dont work...I just turn around and walk out of the room and come back my the 'evil' maz has gone away.

Stay postive babe....its hard I know but it can happen

When I get pushed past the limit, I'll put the child in question in a safe place (room, cot). If I'm still super mad, I'll throw stuffed toys as hard as I possibly can at the wall (a MCHN told me that gem). It's great fun. Good to do while the kettle's boiling. Make yourself a drink. Go sit on your front step, in the knowledge that your child is safe, breathe in some fresh air and drink your drink.

Then head back in. I find usually my child needed that time out too. Even if they are more upset at being isolated (hasn't happened here yet), at least you're back in control to deal with it.

:hug: It's hard isn't it, someone deliberately trying to push your buttons can't get you as mad as a toddler accidentally does.

Some other techniques I use when I haven't quite cracked, is to sing a song. The silliest or calmest one possible. Or call a friend or family member, just to hear another adult's voice can be helpful.

:hug: You arent a Bad mum you are just a tired and stressed out mum :hug: I have been there so many times I have lost count... I used to scream and rant, rave and smack at the winkies all the time but everytime I did it mad me feel so bad to see there little faces cower away from it mad my heart tear in to.... I now find I just put on a movie for them and tell them to leave me alone for 5 mins so I can go into my room and scream and carry on in there and feel a little better for it... I realise that your winkies are younger so might not work to well yet but you never know once the wiggles come on they seem to watch at least for a few relaxing minutes...

The other thing is everything you have said Cooper is doing is what my 2 yr old is doing unfortuly it comes with been TWO.... One thing my mum alway told me with my 1st is that a child want starve it self so dont worry too much when they dont eat he is still getting over his ear infection plus all of mine only eat when they are growing and then it peaters off again ( DD2 is doing this ATM didnt eat breacky lunch or dinner tonight but know that she will wake tomorrow very hungry )....

Just know he isnt doing this because he want to hurt you he just cant express himself the way he wants too...

BTW DD2 stopped day naps at 18 ths so he might just not need a nap anymore...

:hug: My 3 yr old is pushing every button I have.. I smacked his bottom today because I had had enoough of him being silly. You are not a bad mum ....

What I do with Jacob (or try) I sit him on a chair.. I don't expect him to stay there for any length of time (sort of supernanny style) I just want him to reliase what he is doing is wrong. If he threw his dinner (he wouldn't, this kid loves his food lol) I would take the plate away and say fine I guess you aren't hungry...

Maybe for quiet time you could either read stories together, get him to sit at the table and do colouring in together, Or maybe lay down and both of you have a rest (if possible)

:hug: I hope you have a much better day tomorrow.. My day has been pretty feral as well..

My 2 year old sounds very similar to yours. Sometimes eats like a horse - other times will refuse everything from sandwiches to ice cream! He has had so many ear infections and bouts of tonsilitis that I requested a referral to the ENT specialist and he said that his ears were full of fluid and it had probably been that way for at least 8-12 months and this has a huge affect on behaviour.

He would never happily have a bath and we have since found this is because of the pain of the water in his ears which are already full of fluid. He ignores everything that isn't shouted at him - but turns out he couldn't hear much of it! And he always chewed food and spat it out, but apparently he just had trouble swallowing it because of the size of his tonsils! Perhaps your sons problem is medical also?

I have also had my son look at me with such fear that I burst into tears - just try to remember that you will beat yourself up over it for a lot longer than they will think about it. Good luck and believe me - you are definatley not alone :)

It is really hard isnt it. Especially when they have been sick.
Our personal situation (with my DS and my temperaments). DS is usually a bit 'tiring' when
1. He is sick or getting sick
2. He is due for a nap
3. He is too full off beans.
Knowing about 1 or 2 just helps me feel better and keep my calm. If I think it is 3. I start some loud and energetic games. We run, jump and shout around the house or the yard until we are tired. It definitely seems to help him get out stresses that he is feeling and helps me too. And a tired kid is a happy kid. If it is particularly about food just trust that as long as you offer him nutritious healthy food he will make the right choices when he is hungry. I hope this helps. We all feel like this some days. Big hugs.

no no no youare not bad- kids really know how to push our buttons.

my son is only one but has started to press/touch things and then cries when i say no then comes over for a cuddle.:rolleyes:

as he gets older - i will probably try not to cuddle him if he is naught only after when he realises.

please don't feel bad- it's all trial and error- you are a good mum becauses you feel bad about hurting him beucase you love him so much.


i think we all feel this at some point and it's better to talk about it.
:hugs: