what do you do? (long sorry)

Hi Ladies

I have always been very lucky in having L home at dinner/bedtime, so it's been easy with 2 of us. Now he has to work some nights and I just don't know what to do.

Kai is going through a very clingy time the past couple of weeks. I guess it's related to Jade's arrival although I felt he had gotten over the worst hump. Is he going through some sort of developmental phase? I don't know. His sleep (never good anyway) is pretty bad - waking up 3 to 4 times and won't go back to sleep unless we sleep with him (he started sleeping in his big bed last week - his choice). And it's taking around an hour to get him to sleep at bedtime, where he has been really good for the past 14 mths.

Kai had his bath as usual, then into his jarmies and a long cuddle. I explained to him over and over that he needed to get into bed and go to sleep because I needed to get Jade into bed too. I tried to say that I needed him to be my helper because Daddy wasn't there. I put him into his bed, stroked his head, told him I'd be back in a few minutes to check on him, that I loved him, etc. He kept getting out of bed so I put him into the cot (after a couple of warnings). By this time Jade was getting quite upset so I got her into her jarmies and started feeding her. He was SCREAMING mummy, mummy. I have never heard him so upset. We have always tried to respond to him quickly and have never left him to cry and now I feel like 2 years of hard work are being unravelled. I feel sure he hates me. And poor Jade just gets the quickest possible feed, no lovely cuddles and is just dumped in her bed with a dummy and she goes to sleep without complaining. I feel so awful. She gets so little attention as it is, poor girl.

I just can't see a way to keep them both happy. It takes about an hour to read to him, bath him, cuddle him and get him into bed. No matter how I try to tweak her day, she is going to need attention at some point in that hour. Any advice or suggestions are welcome. I feel so down and sad.

Thanks.

Tracey :hug: its so hard having two and working out the right balance - I'm trying to do it myself. Night time isn't so bad here, cos I have DH to help, but I usually get your situation when DS is due for his nap in the middle of the day. Sometimes I have them both screaming at me!!!

What I have been doing is taking the baby into DS's room and sitting by his cot to get him off to sleep, and if DD needs feeding, or rocking to sleep I can do that when I'm just sitting there.

It is hard to spread yourself out, sometimes I think I need a clone to help!!

There is only so much we can do, and you are doing the best you can honey.

:hug: hang in there!!

xox

Can you put a rocking chair in your son's room so you can stay close to him and give your daughter some time as well? Or could you put your daughter to sleep in the cot in his room sometimes?
My 2 share a room which reduced stress at bedtime because they were near each other.
:hug: it will get easier.

Honey hugs...I went through this around 9 months ago when DD2 was born.Firstly it does get better, eventually.

Your DS is acting the same as my DD1. It sounds like he is trying to assert his place in the family. Unfortunately they don't understand that mummy needs to be with baby and nor do they want you to be with bub.

My advice is to stay calm...They know when you are on edge. I used to try and get bub to sleep before I put DD1 to bed, that way I could concentrate on DD1. However the best laid plans hardly ever work!!!! On the nights that bub would not go down I would take her with me for story time. I always explained to DD1 that Mummy was going to read a book to Sara and baby. Once the story was over I would sing a song and get Sara to sing a song to the baby. If bub was calm I would then put her in her basinet or bouncer and give Sara a big kiss and cuddle good night. If Sara played up or got emotional I would explain calmly that it was time to sleep.

Eventually Sara was more accepting that I could not always be there for her but it did take time and many nights I would go to bed feeling like I could not cope.

Goodluck

Was just going to suggest - could your eldest 'help' you get the youngest down, then you will be left with more time to put him down afterwards? I like the idea of having them in the same room so that you don't have to leave them both :)

You poor thing, that sounds so frustrating.

Are there little things you can give Kai to do while you put dd down? Maybe he can quietly "read a book" to her while you feed her?

It may be that he just needs time. Do you think he would respond well to a reward chart?

I'm very much into natural consequences - and I'd probably be explaining to my child who was not being co-operative at bedtime that the more time I had to spend getting dd down, because of the older child playing up, the less time I would have to spend with them at bedtime and that would make us both sad but you can't be up all night getting bedtime done. It might be hairy to start off with, but it seems like a fairly natural consequence to me.