How do you deal with .....

Received a text message today from a close friend to let us know that she is 13 weeks pregnant. And all I could do is cry when I read this. Don't get me wrong, I'm extremely happy for them but also envious. She is the third friend that is either just had a baby or is pregnant. I'm currently going through my third OI cycle.

Also get this, from my husband's ex-wife . Firstly she sms him to tell him that she is pregnant, then sms him that she has had the baby, then sms him when a photo of the baby will be in the local paper and finally on wednesday, she sms him to ask if he wants a photo of the baby (only found out this today, after the sms about my friend and her news). I was so ready to ring the ex-wife and tell her where to go and to get on with her own life. Feel like smacking the crap out of her at the moment. The ex still sends b'day and xmas cards. My hubby swears he does not contact her.

I'm feeling like an emotional basket case today.
Thanks for listening to my venting.

Oh tiggerlily, you poor thing.

It is so very very hard to hear that friends and family are falling pregnant and having babies.

I have had this happen so many times since DH and I have been TTC. It doesn't get any easier. I am always truly happy for other people and always make the effort to send cards or presents or visit in hospital but inside I feel like my heart is being torn apart.

I always have a big cry and let it all out, then try to move on and focus again on our dream.

I cannot even imagine how you feel with the situation with DH's ex. I would probably want to inflict pain on her too!! Maybe you need to have a chat with DH and let him know exactly how hard it is on you for her to be contacting him all the time..especially with baby related news. Maybe he could ask her to stop making contact.

I hope tomorrow is a better day for you. I do truly understand the pain at hearing other people's happy news. It doesn't make us bad people..we just want our turn too.

Take good care

Hugs Bel

Oh Tigerlilly - i really feel for you and know exactly how you are feeling.

I to feel the same currently 3 people at work just announced they are pregnant then my best friend who was also having trouble TTC (her second) rang me two days ago to tell me she had just tested and BFP, then another close friend came over for lunch the next day with her 9 month old and told me she was pregnant again! :(.
I am truly happy for everyone but it does make me sad and i have to have a big cry let it all out feel sorry for myself for a day or so then push on and try to re focus.

Thats all you can do - don't beat yourself up about it. :hug: :hug: :hug:

Addit - went to parents -in-laws for dinner last night - SIL is due in about 3 weeks - so i am trying to mentally prepare myself so the family doesn't think i'm a mental case!

Good luck hun
XXBella
(x3 OI BFN, then x1OI with injections - cancelled, taking a break til end of Oct)

:hug::hug::hug: So sorry gorgeous. It seems to happening everywhere at the moment. Everyone around me is falling pregnant too. It just drives you crazy sometimes. Hang in there because it will be your turn soon.

it's hard especially with sicko ex wives. stupid woman!!!
she sounds like she still has a hang up on him?, anyway try to ignore her , tell yourself she wasn't good enough to keep you dh so try to focus on you guys as a couple. i hope you get BFP real soon .

tiggerlily,

big :hug:

i dont think that there is an magic treatment for being rational when we hear that those around us are pg - or have had a baby. for me the only way to deal with it is to let it all out (poor dh normally cops it) and have a good cry - i sometimes write down how I'm feeling. I then give it time before I respond (where possible) knowing that given some time to cry and work through my grief at not having a baby, that I'm then able to be more positive and celerbrate with them their joy. It is hard and I think we all build amazing strength to be able to do it. having written that totally rational explaination, i can reflect on how heart destroying it is to hear about others pg and babies and that i am typically not rational or calm or supportive until after at least 2 days after hearing the news! dont beat yourself up for feeling negative or bad about someone elses pg - it is normal human nature.

As for your dh's ex wife - well done for not having a go at her so far - i think you are a better person than most of use would be in your shoes. from watching my parents own bad behaviour all i can offer is this - you can not (often) change others behaviour (esp adults), but only seek to understand it. i would have you dh explain to her that it is inappropriate for her to be contacting you both in this way, but after that if it keeps on, just relish the thought of how empty and poor her current r'ship must be if she feels the need to try and drag your dh back into her life - or worse still get his approval/congrats in order to feel happy about herself and her achievements! while it wont make things 100% better, it may help.

good luck and hang in there
FG

Hi Tiggerlily

I know what you mean by babies everywhere, I think everyone one of our friends has a had a new baby in the past 12 mths.

As for DH's ex, that is so wrong. Why she feels the need to be so mean as to brag about her new baby to your DH, what is wrong with some people. Easy way to solve the problem, he needs to get a new number and then not give it to her........

Hang in there Tiggerlily...

not sure if it's any consolation but alot of us know how you feel.

Last week i finally heard of the last baby being born from friends and relatives (there was 7), i had convinced myself i was now 'numb' to all this therefore OK hearing all this news and was going to be completley happy for them all and not going to cry...then AF came and i lost it ... again :wall:

i truly don't understand the insensitivity of some people, it took us a while to even admit to some people that we were TTC. One friend we visited who had a 3 month old then started to go into detail about what a truly 'amazing and emotional' experience it was, i very quickly and abruptly cut him off and stated 'what a truly emotional' it was NOT to have had the experience when this was all you want. He very quickly shut up!

i had finally admitted we were TTC to a girl at my work who was about 6 months PG (she caught me in a vulerable state), about 2 days later there was one of those big 'baby galore' shopping books left on my desk (we share the desk), i absoloutely couldn't believe one would be that insensitive! as i actually think she may have done this on purpose (yes she is that kind of person)...i won't share what my reaction to that or her was ...

anyway i note a few days have passed since you first wrote this post and i hope the dark cloud has lifted a little for you so you can start focusing on a positive BFP

I don't think you ever learn to handle it well. My journey to motherhood was a very long one. I never got good at handling other peoples pregnancies. It would always end in tears. Always.

People who haven't TTC'd for a long time or who haven't suffered losses just don't realise how difficult their announcement might be for other women. Not all women who are having difficulties are vocal about it so each time you announce a pregnancy you just never know who you will upset by doing so. If only all women understood this we could save a lot of heartache for others and be a little more sensitive about the way we go about it.


ME 42 DF 25 DstepD 5 DS BORN 23.06.08

Thank you for all your support. It means a great deal.
I'm feeling better about it all now.

Wishing you all the best with your journeys.

:hug: