Hi all,
I'm currently a stay at home mom and was debating whether I should sign DD up for daycare since there's a waiting list. I have to admit I feel a little worried because DD is so clingy and am afraid to hear her cry when I have to leave her. However, I've also been writing a list of advantages and disadvantages for going to daycare. What are your thoughts?
What are your reasons for sending her? are you planning to return to work, or do you think she needs socialising, or do you need a 'break' day so you can do errands etc? If it's not for a work reason, I wouldn't worry about sending her for reasons of socialisation, because that this age they don't need it, nor do they gain anything from it really - children are much much older before they truly start to interact with their peers. If you think it is going to upset her and can already picture her crying when you leave her, then I think you've answered your own question.
DD1 started when she was 5 months old. This was because i was going back to work 2 days a week.
DD2 started at 8 months along with her sister to give me a break, do business work etc. They both love it. Both seem different children since they started!
I'm not working just yet as I'm pregnant with number 2. However, many people have been lecturing me how I should make her more independent by allowing her to socialize with others. At what age do you think she would benefit more from daycare such as doing some activities?
My son is 2 and still not socialising with other kids. Most parents i speak to say about 2 and a half or 3 is when they start to recognise that it is fun to play with other kids.
Children at that age are supposed to be dependent on their mummies!! Kids don't really start to learn from socialising till they are about 3. Why don't you take her to a playgroup or something similar?
I take my DD to playgroup once a week, and she loves it! She's in a new & fun environment, but she knows I'm there if she needs me. It's good to meet other mums too :)
We started DS at 5 months of age because DH and I both work but it is flexible hours so him being in one day really helped us get all of the work done. He really enjoyed it and I think only once cried when we left (about 3 months down the track when he was teething). He eventually went to two days. He found it really stimulating and loved interacting with the kids (he would give the sad ones cuddles and pats on the back etc). Although he is very affectionate he has never been very clingy so I think that helped him. When we started we went quite slowly and I spent time there with him before leaving him there alone. But the major thing was that he went to an awesome centre and bonded so well with the staff. He got to do lots of things there that we don't really do at home. Eg. we do some craft but he would get to every day he was there. Also they helped us to know where he was up to and should be up to for his age. Unfortunately we moved away from that area and his new centre wasn't up to scratch so he no longer goes. We have him on a waiting list for one that seems really good so will see what it is like if he gets in. I don't think you can always go on how happy they are either. DS rarely cries at daycare and where the first daycare always made sure he got what he needed, the second tended to use that as an excuse to forget about him in favour of other kids (eg. he would be left in shoes and jumpers for the whole day even after it got hot or he wouldnt get his bottle).
I really think the main thing is how good the carers and centre are. We considered his previous carers as extended family. He wasn't just safe there. He got what he needed both psychologically and physically. Unless we find that again, I don't think we will be sending him to another centre.
I hope this helps. :)
Also just about socialising. I think it is true that children dont really play with each other until they are a bit older (I think it is around 3). But socialising is also about them just spending time together, learning to recognise the behaviour, expressions and emotions of other children. These are the precursors of playing well together. I think any supervised situation is good for this though so playgroup, playgrounds, mothers group, kid classes (eg. music, gymbaree) will help encourage these skills.
have you considered a playgroup or something similar at all? Also gives you a great opportunity to have another outlet for socialising too - not sure if they have anything like that in the States? I think your family are well intentioned and only are thinking of the best for her, but if you feel like you're being pressured to do it then maybe wait a while and see how she goes with her clingyiness etc kwim? You may even want to look into short term care for a few hours once a week or something as your pg progresses to give you a bit of time out and to help you get things down without a little one underfoot.
Yeah, I second playgroup too. You can still be there with her, have a chat with other mums etc. I think kids should be around other kids, even if they play side by side instead of together.
Playgroup help my kids socialise and DD to get over her shyness with mummy there ;)
I waited until my two were both over 2 before leaving them in daycare.
I don't know if my DD is unusual but she started CC at 12 months as I was going back to work. She was obviously socialising with other children and playing with them from about 18 months. The carers acknowledged that it was younger than they usually see but they were very clear that she was definitely playing WITH the children and had a clear preference for her particular friends.
Now, at 2.5 she and her friends do socialise and play together - I have seen them pretend to make cakes and tea together and sit down at the table with each other and have a conversation. They also play games where they need to take turns and help each other. One day when the boys took her friend's doll from her DD went to the boys and said "No, That is Amber's doll, please give it back" and she got it and took it back to Amber.
Someone correct me if I'm wrong but I believe these are definitely socialising behaviours so I don't think that 3 years holds true for all children. I think you need to look at your own child and determine where they are at socially and make your decision based on the individual, not on what the "accepted" age that is touted happens to be.
We started @ 9 months. eased into it - I went with him for a few hours for the first couple of days. He's now 15months and there's a boy he plays with all the time, and another boy he steals toys off all the time ... He loves it, big smile when we drive there in the morning.
For us, its great, but that's because we found a centre that aligned with our values and is smaller (council-run) and he's thriving there.
Started at 22 months, because of study, two days a week. Started out with half days to get him used to the kids and carers and was going to leave it at that till I realised I needed more study time. So, now it's two full days.
At the start he didn't like it, because I would leave and that was natural enough. That's why it was only for 3 hours max at a time to begin with.
For a while longer he was happy when there but hated going and would cry for about 2 mins after I left and wouldn't sleep there. Now he doesn't mind going and will rattle off the names of the kids there on the way. They interact but I don't think he plays well WITH other kids, they just happen to be there playing the same things. There's one kid that he'll 'pat', but all the kids pat this kid!
I have to say that as far as socialisation, he was getting this anyway from my local ABA group (Booby Club) and the families from my fire brigade, so I can't credit CC with that.
Also, if it weren't for uni, I wouldn't send him to CC, but that's also because he has a grandmother living around the corner who can have him two afternoons a week to let me do some things.
It's a fantastic centre that is very child-centred (I know, they should all be, but we know they're not), and benefits immeasurably from being in the university and close to up to date research on child development.
Children learn the best socialisation from adults in their environment - they observe and model us, our conventions and patterns. This is how they learn to converse, take turns in conversation, 'manners' etc. Children who are sling-worn and carried pick up on these things sooner because they're closer to the action and included in these interactions :)
Children learn conventions for interaction, or socialisation skills, from about 3 onwards - as in, when they hit someone, other kids will implement consequences, they start to enforce 'sharing', demonstrate true contrition when they cause upset to another in their social environment. This is what is meant by socialisation, I'm pretty sure - peer influenced behaviour when it a group situation. Playing 'with' and around other kids affects how they play and interact at a younger age, it's just not important at a younger age in a childcare setting - playgroups and other interactions where the parents are present with the kids is a lot more important, if you can afford to (time-wise, if you're not working), or can access these avenues.
If you don't have to use childcare at this young age, then don't worry about it, no matter what anyone says about the advantages. There are far more advantages to being with your child than separating yourself from her at this stage of her life, if you are in the position to :)
Olivia was 14 months when she started 2 days of CC, because I was pg with Charlie. She loved it from day dot.
Charlie was 12 months when he started 2 days of CC, because I was pg with Lexie, and he too loved it straight away.
Lexie started at 6 months, for 2 days a week, when I went to work part time, 2 days a week. She too loves it.
I am lucky in that I found a child care centre that I am totally happy with.
I did fret at first, but only for the first day or two. Now childcare for two days a week is firmly entrenched into our families routine, we are all totally comfortable with it.
It varies so so much on child and circumstances, it really does. You have to chose what is right for you and your family situation, budget, circumstances and maternal gut feel.
Ladies,
Thank you so much for your inputs. (I was out of internet for 3 days and was so desperate so hear the feedbacks!) Finally...
After having heard from some of you, I have that I will leave out the worries for DD's socialization since she is far too young for that at her age. Putting her in a CC will most likely create a sense of fear as she clings to me for everything at the moment. Also to mention, since I'm pregnant with number 2 and not going to work, I should take this time and enjoy DD and spend as much as time cuddling her since she won't be getting all my attention when number 2 arrives. I realize that I would fret leaving her in CC and having to hear her cry would absolutely tear my heart away.
I will most likely try some playgroups in the area hopefully that way she and I would get some outside activities. Perhaps, once a week would be sufficient to start and slowly she will be adapted to our world of socialization.
At the moment, my priority is DD. Like many of your suggestion, she is a bit too young for CC unless is necessary in which isn't my case. So, I will dedicate the few months to her since I've got nothing else but a housewife and mommy chores. When I do need some time off, my parents are always available.
Good on you, Carmen :) Definitely, if you have parents around who like having her, make the most of them!
My parents moved away to a country town, but my MIL is around the corner and she's an invaluable resource. She knows it, and she loves it - gives her time to smell the roses because she's busy doing volunteer work during the week. Plus, it's time DS will be grateful for when he's older and she's not around anymore :) Whereas, he won't be grateful about CC, he'll be grateful that I found a great CC and that it wasn't every day, but not that I sent him, per se IYKWIM.
Anyway, you enjoy DD whilst she's just her, because you're all going to change roles when baby comes along!
Yay Carmen - in your first post, to me it sounded like you were feeling pressure from people around you to put your DD into cc as a way of fixing her "clinginess", and this made me sad because it just didn't sound like it was something that you wanted to do. So I was very happy to read that you've decided not to go down that path just yet. Especially as the next few months will be such exciting developing times for her, as she learns to really move around & talk even more than she maybe already is.
Other ideas for socialisation - we go to a music class once a week, called Mini Maestros, which my DS just loves. Some people go to Gymbaroo (which I think is physical activity & music). These cost a little bit of money, but for us it's been worthwhile. We also have a play centre close by, which isn't a formal meeting as such, but still lets the kids see & play with other kids, and I find that I can usually strike up a conversation with other mums (and dads sometimes) that are there. Also, your local library will quite often run book reading sessions for little kids, and these are free - another place to see more kids.
And congrats on bub #2 :)