Weaning - not by choice though VENT

I just need to vent....

At the moment DD wont take a bottle so Ive been put on Maxalon to increase supply, since having PND (feeling much much better now - almost all forgotten already) my anxiety levels were so bad that my milk started to dry up. I started on fenugreek and happily fed her every hour to try and get supply up although it worked to an extent it hasnt worked enough. Some mornings I still wake up with floppy boobs even on the Maxalon.

Anyway, Maxalon is making me so tired and so as soon as we can start her on a bottle again I am going to have to start to wean. It feels so failurish to have to do it. I keep thinking to myself of all my friends I am the only breastfeeder and so I've done a good job but I really wanted to last until 6 months.

After a doctor, breastfeeding day stay and numerous visits from the ABA it seems my supply just doesnt want to increase.
I never thought it would be so hard to breastfeed. It has been problem after problem for me which makes it harder to give up.

I left the hospital with cracked blistered bruised bleeding nipples, I let them heal
I then could not express without missing a feed first (ie every second feed), so i stopped trying
then DD was taking 2 hours to feed and was still not coming off 'drunk', we set a time limit to an hour then supplimented with forumla at the end,
then she started choking om bm(so badly I had to call an ambulance after her eyes rolled back), we had a nurse show me how to feed to laying back to prevent fast let down
Now supply is getting lower and lower, I started Maxalon, doing an extra feed at night tried hand expressing anything I could at the end of feeds, taking fenugreek and letting her comfort suck if she liked whatever time of the day.

Its so sad to soldier through it all just to have to give in. I just wanted to get it out. Considering by the end of week 1 I wanted to ff its funny how now I am so sad to be giving bfing up.

:hug:

You've given her a great start, and I think you're amazing for soldiering on through all of your difficulties. You really have given it your best shot.

Hi,

The hardest decisions to accept, in many cases, are the ones we feel were imposed on us, and are contrary to our feelings. When you have persevered so long and with such comittment, it can really be a bitter pill to swallow when it seems breastfeeding doesn't work out. If you do go on to wean, you will be able to look back on how well you were able to feed your little one. Breastfeeding isn't a pass/fail situation. Everything you have been able to give her has been important to you and your little one. Remember that.
But, I was wondering....how long have you been soley breastfeeding your little one (since you said she wouldn't take the bottle) What have her weight gains been like? Some 'wired" little individuals never come off the breast looking sleepy and "drunk" but do still get adequate milk - they just need some more "advanced" settling techniques to get them to sleep.
Are you being treated for your PND? Treatments these days are compatible with breastfeeding, and may allow you to cope better with your baby, and the challenges of breastfeeding.
Have you explored with your medical advisors the idea of using other drug therapies to increase your milk supply. While there are rarely side effects from using maxalon, some mums do report the symptoms you are describing, but find their are other drugs that help their milk supply but don't so readily cross the brain/blood barrier, causing the tired symptoms.
As I said, breastfeeding is not "all or nothing" it's not a competition; it's about you being able to nurture your baby in the way that works best for you. Many mothers work out for themseves a routine which involves breastfeeding, but, say, for the last feed of the night they give their baby a bottle of formula. This can mean that the mother can be more confident that her baby is getting enough milk, and that she will get a good night's sleep. Many mothers go on with breastfeeding for a long, long time this way.
good luck with whatever you decide.
Let us know what you are feeling - the great thing about Belly Belly is it is always a fafe place for venting, if nothing else

smudgies-mum - You've done so well soldiering on through these difficulties. If you're feeling sad about weaning, all needn't be lost, people have successfully done both breast & bottle. So you may not need to wean completely. Remember that any breastmilk your DD can get is of great benefit to her.

I'm sure Barb will come in and have some wisdom to impart.

One thing that came to mind in your post, have you tried motilium as opposed to maxolon? I know I get super sleepy on maxolon too. But then - I don't know if they are the same thing? I know they're both anti-nausea, but don't know if they're the same thing.

But please do remember that you can always attach bub to the breast even if you do go on to do formula feeds.

All the best *hugs*

ETA: Aah, there ya go.. Barb beat me to it :) That's what happens when I go and prepare dinner in the middle of typing my post LOL.

Hun, I can understand that you must be feeling very disappointed after trying so hard and seeming to not have enough milk. But you have done such a great job to get this far, and I hope when you look back on this, you do so with pride. Because you really should be proud - look at what you've been through and you're still bfing! That's awesome.

Also, as Barb mentioned, maybe you have enough milk but don't realise it? Floppy doesn't necessarily mean empty. Hopefully you'll be able to sort that out with Barb. But in any case, good on you hun. You really have done a fantastic job.

Oh Honey firstly your a wonderful woman and mum for trying so dame hard to get to were you are. I applaude you for being so selfless in your BF journey to date. Yes I said to date...its not over yet ;)

I totally agree with barb and MR - flopp doesnt mean empty...I could have tied mine in a knot they were that floppy...now that BF has finished for us they have firmed up again so dont let that doubt creep into your mind.

If you feel your supply isnt what it should be and you feel you have to subsitute her feeds..then try BFing her in the mornings when your supply is at its best and giving her a substitute at night. YOu can possibly work up your supply so that you can do without the subsitute feeds and solely BF her again. I know BFing didnt really kick into a nice pattern for us until mateauz was approx 3 month and I subsituted in the mean time.


Good luck hon..and no matter what road you take just remember you are a fantastic mother no matter what

Hi Barb,
DD is putting on great weight but in saying that she has been having formula top ups for awhile now. From about 3 weeks old she has been taking the bottle. For instance last night she wanted an extra feed at around 8pm which didnt really surprise me, she has been sleeping more and I think she is having a bit of a growth spurt but after an hour she was still crying because she was just hungry as soon as I tricked her into taking the bottle (giving her breast and putting the bottle in replacing the breast) she was happy and smiling again.

I will definately ask about the other drug and see how I go because taking the maxalon is driving me batty, I struggle to get up and all I can think about is when she is going back to sleep so I can too. As much as I love playing with her.

I was in a MBU for 3 weeks being treated for PND, it seems to be a mixture of the shock of the change, serious bonding issues which have now totally dissolved and being absolutely clueless on how to care for a baby that lead up to my hospital stay, it was the best thing I did. I learnt so much and came out loving my little smudge like I never imagined. I was on antidepressants but even at the lowest dose I was very agitated and asked if we could try something else so I am having counselling twice a week and included in that is relaxation therapies, conflict resolution strategies (for my partner and I) cognitive behavioural therapy and basically learning how to communicate which is a big problem for me. It takes a lot of effort to 'feel better' when I feel down (mostly when DP and I are arguing coz at the moment I can only handle one thing at a time and I try to make that DD rather then DP's argument) but I'm getting there and it makes the differences so much nore noticeable and something to really be proud of each time I notice a difference in how I react or feel to things.

I was thinking last night not one of my friends have bfed and so I should really be proud to be able to get as far as I can. I will keep going as long as I can but like I said it seems I have gone from 1 top up feed to 2 to 3 and yesterday 4. I hear all these stories of leaky boobs and expressing for babies and neither work for me, they used to, but not any more. So I am worried that as soon as I stop the maxalon my supply will be worse and I dont want a starving baby, I hate hearing her cry and she is a garbage guts LOL.

Wow, how amazing are you, being the first of your friends to bf!! That is fantastic hun. Well done.

You are doing a fantastic job, you should be soooo proud of yourself. Please remember even if you do decide to wean you have given your baby girl the best possible start in life.:hug: