The story of ryder

Well here i go...

on the 10th of july 2008 i had no movement from my baby at all!
so i called the hospital to ask if i could come in.. they said come in straight away.. i live about 45mins from the hospital. as we were driving i was feeling really nervous, i wasn't even thinking "hang on my baby could be dead??"
i got to the hospital and the midwives saw me right away they put me on the bed and started trying to find the heart beat.. there was nothing.. the midwife said that the machine was old and they would go get another one. about 5 mins later she came in with a different one, still no heart beat all they could pick up was my H/B, by this stage i was already in tears my boyfriend was looking at me funny like could this be happening?
they then took me to the ultrasound room to confirm her death... yup they were right.. my little girl had passed away... they asked me if i wanted to stay in hospital or go home and think about things... we went home and didnt get much sleep that night.

on the 11th of july... in the morning at 7am i was admitted to hospital i was put in the maternity ward and waited to be seen by a doctor.
she came in an explained that i had to give birth to her. i began to cry and was very scared. an hour later they put something in my cervix to soften it. a few hours later i began to get little cramps..getting more scared as the hours passed by.. at 9pm my waters broke (on its own)...they examined me and i was 4 cm dilated.. my contractions started to get intense after my waters broke... the midwives took me and my boyfriend to the birth room and my man called my dad and his mum to come down (thinking she would be born soon) i then had a million showers that night...i got hooked on the gas and it became my best friend. but the contractions were just getting more intense....
the midwife checked on me about every 20 mins she was a lovely lady. she asked me if i wanted something for the pain. i immediately said yes! she gave me a pethidine shot and it didn't work so about an hour later she gave me another one... that one decided to work.. i was able to go to sleep for 2 hours.. at about 5am i woke up and my contractions had gone.. i sat there and had my breakfast and was acting like nothing was going on.. i was in shock still..
on the 12th of july at 8am a doctor came in and put a drip in my hand to get things started again.. the contractions were a whole lot worse then the night before...they checked me out and i was 7cm dilated. it was taking forever...
the pain got worse and i couldn't bare laying down anymore. i stood up off the bed and told the midwife i needed to push. she said go to the toilet and relief some pressure.. (like i wanna push to do a poo) i didn't want to push on the toilet so i just sat there...
my boyfriend came in to see how i was doing and i looked at him and said "ITS COMING"
the midwife came running in...and i pushed and her head came out..she was just staring at her daddy..one more push and she was out. they cut the cord and i saw her.. she was just adorable.
they took me to the bed so i could get the placenta out. i push for a while and it came out but broke off aswel. they checked if i needed stitches. but thankfully i didnt. i got up
off the bed and walked into the bathroom where my daughter was and started crying saying "my baby my baby please wake up" they put her in a blanket and put her in a cot and put a blanket over her so she could go get some skin samples. we came back to the maternity ward and spent all day with her. the midwives weighed her and took her footprints and hand prints. she weighed at 1pd 3.8oz.. 33cms and her head was 28cm..she started to dry out so they took her to the morgue.. every soring and night up until we went home we saw her to say good morning and goodnight and give her a kiss.. on the Monday we went home and she flew all the way to Sydney for an autopsy.. there are still no results on why she died. and i don't think ill ever no.. her funeral was on the 25th of july. it was beautiful... i got to say my last goodbyes to her..
i no she is watching over her mummy and daddy wishing she could be here
we named her Ryder Angel..

sorry for the long story

xx

I sit here in tears with nothing more than thoughts of wanting to give you some huge :hug::hug::hug: no-one should have to go thru this but so many do, you have certainly foudn the right place with BB .... :hug::hug:

Oh, Ryder's Mummy, I'm crying in a public space at uni. Thank you so much for posting this.
I think your way of getting through this time was beautiful and very fitting.
I hope one day to read about Ryder Angel's sibling :hug: Meanwhile, keep looking after yourself and seek out love and people who will nurture you.

:( Thank you so much for sharing Ryder's story with us.

I am so very truelly sorry for the loss of your sweet little angel baby.

There is nothing I can say to take away your pain and for that I am truelly sorry for too.

Take time to grieve and remember your little girl. BB is a great place for love and support, we have huge shoulders to cry on :hug:

thank you all for your beautiful comments

I am so sorry about your little girl :hug: Im sure she really was an angel...

Take care of yourself :hug:

I am so very sorry and saddened to hear about the loss of your precious little princess Ryder Angel. Your story had me in tears... thank you so much for sharing.

_________________________________________
DS1-14 DD-11 DS2-19 months
:angel:Noah Thomas born an angel 21 Feb 2006 (20w5d)
:angel:Little Wing Oct 07 (8w4d)

Hi,
I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious daughter. Thank you for sharing your story with us. I wish there was something I could say to take away your pain. Your precious angel will always be close to your heart. Sending you huge :hug:. Take care of yourself.

Regards,
Dianne

Awwww thats so unfair.
sending u alot of hugs.

I am sitting here with tears streaming down my face for you, your boyfriend and of course little Ryder :hug: :hug:

Someone once told me that people are programmed to accept the loss of a parent but parents are not programmed to accept the loss of a child but you will get there. Acceptance does not mean that she will ever disappear from your memory.

I am so sorry for what happened, I cannot put into words how sorry I am. Thank you for telling us your story, that must have been very hard for you to relive.

Honey - thank you for sharing your story. I am so very sorry and want to let you know that we are all here to support you.
Take care honey
Adele

:hug:
Such a beautiful name for a beautiful angel.

I am so very sorry you lost your beautiful baby girl Ryder :hug:. I'm so glad you got to spend some precious time holding her.

Thank you for sharing your story, you are in my thoughts and prayers :hug:.

I am lost for words but my eyes filled with tears for the loss of your baby girl Ryder.
i hope time helps heal the pain and most definatley she will be watching from above, thinking of you...

I am so sorry you lost your little princess.
I just can't put into words how sorry I am or how you must be feeling.
Please be kind to yourself and do whatever you need to do to help with the healing process.
xxx

Your story has made me sit here in tears. The pain you must feel I cannot imagine. Please take care and forever in our thoughts Ryder Angel. What a beautiful name :):(

Thank you so much for sharing the story of your beautiful and precious Ryder Angel. I know she is with you and knows how much she is loved and will always be loved by her Mummy and Daddy.

I hope you are surrounded by love and support as you mourn her passing.

xxx
Marydean

I am sorry to hear of the loss of your beautiful angel.

Its hard when there appear to be no answers as to why.

Thankyou for sharing your story with us.

Kristi.