Nearly 3 yo hates daycare..help!!!

Hi Ladies,

DD is 2 years and 10 months old. She has been going to daycare for 2 days per week since she was 15 months old. Over this time she has been brilliant with little seperation issues. Lately she has been screaming all the way to daycare and drop offs are terrible.

Her daycare teacher told me it took 30 mins to settle her the other day. I have tried to talk to her about why she is acting this way but she just doesn't give me an answer. I have spoken with all her daycare teachers and they can't put their finger on it either.

Only thing she says is no morning tea and no sleep mummy!!!! Her teacher and I have told her that she doesn't have to eat morning tea and she doesn't have to sleep but this has not helped.

Over the last couple of months Sara has become very clingy to me and she now acts shy in new situations (she never did this before). Is this just a phase?

I am at the point of wanting to pull her out, or reduce her days to one per week. This is more a financial issue atm though.

My money would be on just a phase. I have seen a lot of kids go through it over the years - they've been coming from a really early age, and been fine, even through peak separation anxiety time, and then somewhere in their twos they start cracking it and becoming really upset.
My own theory is that it stems from the discovery about the same age that their actions affect the actions of those around them, and is about pushing the boundaries, coupled with an incomplete ability to categorise and express their emotions.
Try to make separations as easy as possible for your DD. Be matter-of-fact, but sympathetic about it, and label her emotions as much as possible, e.g. "I know you get sad when mummy leaves, but I have to go in 5 minutes, and I will come back after your afternoon tea." Once you have said "I have to go now." or similar, give one kiss, then GO. The more this time is prolonged, the more stressful the goodbye will be, and the longer she is likely to be upset, especially if the boundaries keep changing. "I have to go now/oh all right, one more cuddle/now are you going to be OK, I'll come back later/OK, one kiss then I have to go"
It's great that her carers have been honest with you about how long she has been upset for. If you have honest communication with them, then you should be able to work through the phase together.

SB - Thanks for your reply. I think you are spot on with your observations. It seems that everything that Sara used to be easy with is now a challenge because she has become very clingy. Bedtimes used to be a breeze, a quick book, a song and a kiss then lights out...Now she prolongs me leaving to the best of her ability iykwim.

The communication with Sara's teacher is excellent and I am not affraid to talk to her at all. We have pinpointed that nap time is an issue.

So last night I got Sara to pack her bag with me ( I normally do this) and whilst we were doing this I chatted to her about nap time at daycare. We packed a special teddy for her to cuddle and a favourite book. I told her to get it out of her bag when she is sad...Well this morning there was no complaining about going and not one tear....Lets hope it stays this way:)

My 2 year old was/is going through the exact same thing. And like your DD, taking her favourite dolly to daycare with her has helped heaps. I have Nina help me pack her bag each morning she goes (she too goes 2 days a week) and she picks what food she wants to take (within reason though!). I also make sure I don't rush getting her daycare on the days she goes. Beforehand, I would take her first thing in the morning once she woke up. But now, we have brekkie together, watch a few of her favourite cartoons, pack her bag, then go. Some days we don't get there till 9.30, but at least she doesn't think I'm just dumping her and running IYKWIM.

Good for you BekZ! I know it can be mega-hard, but try to relax as much as you can. It will help her! You're lucky that she has a teacher who is so open with you - plenty of other posts here suggest otherwise!

Jodi - it's great that you can be flexible about your arrival time, and don't have to hurry your child. There's nothing that annoys me more than hurried transitions.

We don't rush drop off either. Most days we get there around 9/9.30. I like to get there before morning tea though, which is 9.30.

Miss Sara had such a great day today...I am a happy mummy...for once:)