Maybe I'm overprotective

Hi,
My 13yr old DS has made a new friend who lives a block away from us. Last weekend he came to our house, seems a very nice, polite young boy. DS and his friend then went to his friends house and after a while DS rang me and asked if he could sleep over at his friends house. I asked DS if it was ok with his friends mum and if I could speak to her on the phone. DS replied that she wasn't home but his friend had rang her and she said it was ok. After a few hours I drove around with DS things for the sleepover and asked to see the mum, (still hadn't returned). DS had his mobile and I told him if there are any probs he can ring me even in the middle of the night and I will go and get him. I just like to know the parents of DS friends or at least to have spoken over the phone. Anyway the next day when DS returns home I ask him what time did the mum come home, he replies 11.00p.m. OMG the alarm bells ring. I just don't understad how she could leave two 13yr old boys home alone all afternoon and nearly half of the night. They got themselves fish and chips for dinner.
Last night DS went to a blue light disco and he said his friend would be there too. I asked if his friend needed a lift and he said no he is walking. Again OMG, it is at least a 3/4hr walk at 7.30 and then walks home at 10.30 p.m.
Is it just me or would you let your 13yr walk in the dark at that hour. I would be freaking out, no way.
Maybe I am being overprotective but while I can be I will.

Thanks for reading,
Dianne

your not over protective at all. ur a great mum :) you know whats right from wrong and obviously this other mother doesnt. I hope your son continues to be friends with this boy so that atleast i know someone will be looking out for him. mwah xxoxo

Hi,

I don't think you are being overprotective, and I just hope that when my kids are 13, I can can still keep them safe. I am a big believer of letting them have independence, as I was always allowed to do (ie letting them sleep at a friends house), but walking at night for that distance at night isn't safe for anyone in today's society.

Hope your DS's friend manages to keep himself safe. Not sure what his parents must be thinking..

OMG Dianne... if you're over protective then so am I!
I really hope the friend of your DS stays safe and out of trouble.

OMG i think thats terribly dangerous for your son's friend. You are definately not being overprotective...very calm in fact. I think i would have freaked out knowing that the boys had been home alone for so long..and the walking..wow!!!

Jo

THats not being over protective, we don't even let my 16yr old step son walk around afterdark for any lenght of time and during the day if he wants to go for a walk we set a time limmit of how long he is aloud to be gone for so we know when to worry.

not overprotective - sensible! I'm exactly the same!

definatly not overprotective maybe you can suggest you son invites his friend to your house etc for sleepovers

Thanks everyone for your replies, I feel better knowing I'm not the only parent that feels this way. I have told DS that his friend can sleepover at our house instead of the other way around. DS was telling me this morning that his friend asked him to look after his pocket money for him because he always spends it straight away. DS said why don't you give it to your mum to look after, he replied my mum would spend it on the pokies. Now I know why she is never home. Poor kid, I feel sorry for him.

Regards,
Dianne

That's awful. Is this boy an only child? I really hope he doesn't have any younger siblings! I would even consider alerting child/youth services in your state of this matter, imagine if he is alone till that time every night and just living off fish and chips that he has to get himself. If she's not providing proper food/care for him then that is neglect which is a form of child abuse.

dianne - you can be his champion, and show him that there is another way to live life. Poor darlin boy.

Now, I know my mother (who maybe wouldn't win awards, I admit) occasionally was out until after we were in bed. Once or twice. I know once was her little brother and his wife went to hospital so she was there with their children, who are 11-15 years younger than me. So me and my little sister would be early teens. Once was a netball match, she was due home at 9 but disloacted a finger and ended up in Friday night A&E until gone midnight. Think we were 12 and 14 then.

If it is a regular thing then that's VERY worrying and not right. It's a mite overprotective if the mother is out once and the son wants company, but not at all if this mother is rarely around, doesn't provide meals and doesn't provide any care. Walking home at 10.30 - I would be worried if DH were to do this! Actually, he doesn't. I have done it occasionally but as I walk home from the village due to a book club and he'd walk home from town after a few drinks then it's different. So I'd say not overprotective in this instance. Good for you for showing this poor lad things can - and should - be different.

Wow! My DS 1 is 15 and I won't let him walk around at that time on his own either... in fact even with mates... NO WAY! Craziness.

My brother had a friend like this... his mum had numerous issues and would leave her son alone most evenings. It got to the point that my parents offered for him to stay at our house every weekend, and most evenings too. My family kept him safe and out of trouble for over 10 years... when my family moved 5hrs away... this boy asked his mum if he could move too... and my parents took him in.
He admits that he wouldn't have known right from wrong if we weren't there to show him. We treated him like a brother... we taught him all the things his mum was unable to teach him, even the little things like how to hold a knife & fork properly.
I hope that someone out there, shows this little guy what he needs, which is time and attention... it seems from your posts that he is a decent enough kid, not wanting to spend his pocket money etc... I hope he stays on the right path in life and doesn't get mixed up with the wrong crowd/people which sadly happens so often in these type of circumstances.