separation anxiety in 2yo?

Hi Ladies, need your advice/input again!

Kai has always been a terrible sleeper, he has slept through about 15 x in 2y3m. Since he was around 1yo he would go into his cot after a cuddle and would go straight to sleep. The fun and games started about 10ish usually, but we were very grateful that he went to sleep easily. It was another story entirely for the first year, but that's another tale.

Anyway, for the past 3 weeks it has been taking us an hour to 90 mins to get him to sleep. We lie with him in his bed (he started sleeping in the big bed about 4 wks ago - totally his choice) and still he won't/can't fall asleep. If we move a muscle he's straight up, wanting to know what's going on. During the day he is also very clingy. He's fine if we're nearby, but we can't pop into the house or go around the corner for a second. He trots along behind us, crying as if we're trying to run away!

His sister is now 11 weeks old. I thought he'd gotten 'over' the issues when she was about 8 wks. Is this related to her arrival, or is there some sort of 'wonder week' at this age? We are being patient and tolerant, we stay with him, he comes in to our bed once we're in it. But we're getting pretty frustrated, he's not settling down in spite of all our reassuring. I don't mind sitting with him while he drops off, but I don't understand why he fights sleep for so long.

Grrrrr:(

I would suggest it's to do with the new arrival and his developmental age. I know with my 2yo, he is eager to show me everything he knows words for, stuff he can do now etc and if I had a little one, he'd probably be frustrated that he didn't have all my attention for it and resort to the only other way he developmentally knows how to be comforted, and that would be to cry. It's not manipulative in the sense adults think of it, it's just all he knows to do to get you to notice where he's at. That's what we all want from those closest to us, isn't it? Just some validation? It will come and go, and will probably 'go' more if he's more physically included in things - like letting him go to sleep at night in your bed and stay there for a little while. He'll get over the cramped conditions and get back to him bed soon enough, surely. Even if he doesn't and you need to force the issue a bit later, at least he will feel a bit more secure about it.
I sense that it's his sense of security and sense of 'place' in the family that has been interrupted. After all, your DD is also coming into a transitional time of 12 weeks and of your attention is a bit tied up!
There's not enough information in your post for me to see if you have been involving him in the day to day care of DD. I would suggest to do this (get him to take rolled up nappies to the washing machine, pick out some clothes for her to wear, cuddle her while mummy goes to the pantry etc, instead of asking him to wait and be patient (they can't do this very well at 2!).
Anyway, I hope I haven't told you how to suck eggs - just my first impressions from your post.
It must be so hard to have to split your attentions between two kids who both need different types of attention!

My DD is behaving EXACTLY the same. But it is only with me. If DH puts her to bed, there are no drama's - she's off to sleep right away (we're still in a cot BTW - waiting for the arrival of our big girl bed). If DH takes her to child care, she is fine. If I take her, she screams for 5 minutes at the door (I've stood out of sight and watched). If I try to go to the loo she thinks I'm going away to never come back and cries hysterically until she finds me (and then it becomes a game of peek-a-boo :rolleyes:). Oh, and we've suddenly started waking up in the middle of the night again crying for Mummy and only going back to sleep if we're in bed with Mummy and Daddy (usually hugging Daddy and sharing his pillow - how does that work? Demanding me but cuddling up to him? :dunno:)

Coinciding with this wonderful new behaviour; we had two nights in a row of night terrors last week (none since touch wood). We are also living in tantrum city. Oh yes, they are good ones!!!!

We have no new additions to our family, no changes in our lives, absolutely nothing (except she met my Dad for the first time on the weekend but her behaviour has been happening a LOT longer). We are the same boring people we have always been. So the only conclusion I can come up with is that she is going through Seperation Anxiety (that or she really is the Devil Child!!!) - so perhaps your child is too? Perhaps it is something that just coincidently coincides with the arrival of your little one...

I have no ideas on how to deal with it though... I'm still trying to work that one out!!!

MG:hug:

MG - your DD is about 18 mo, and this is really quite normal and my DS went through a developmental separation anxiety at about this age, too :)
At 2 and a bit, I'd be thinking there's something else going on with Jaapie's little one. I know my 2 and a bit year old (just noticed - they were born a day apart from each other!) would be very put out by a sibling right now because of where he's at developmentally, and if we had a sibling for him, we'd have to implement some inclusive strategies for him so that he didn't fall to pieces needing me to prop him up, emotionally, to compensate for being distracted from his brand new abilities. And boy, in the last month, he has learnt to say SO much and is really engaging me in his thought processes - he would need a lot of validation from us and it would be a big effort to do that with a new baby.
I really feel that this is what it is, from the perspective of someone with a child the same age without a younger sibling, and without knowing much other info.

Well my last one is 2 a half and she is still pretty clingy. But then again, she has always been much more of a shadow than my other two. She cries for me not to go to work, and cried for an hour till I got home the other night :(.

I really agree with wot Maya said, its hard for kids at any age to adjust to a new bubba. In fact although Mitch was just under 2 when she was born, he seemed to kick it up a level when she was about 3 months. I think it was because he realised the baby was staying forever!