Baby showers and parties

What did you all do with regard to these events? Did you have one? Flatly refuse because you didn't want people to be expected to give gifts? Try to refuse one but get bullied into it by your mother and SIL?
My SIL is refusing, because of the gift thing, but we so madly want to have one for her. An idea that we have had is to suggest that guests make a charity donation (to Bonnie Babes or the Children's Hospital or something) instead of bringing gifts. We're from a bit of a party crowd, so any excuse'll do! And SIL can drive us home!:p
Thoughts?

some people did a surpise one for me for my last pregnancy, i kind of felt like an idiot but i think everyone else thought it was good. Im not having one this time round.

normally only have them for first babies and ultimately they are to give gifts so if that wasnt to happen then it wouldnt really be a baby shower!

i have heard of surprise ones but if she really doesnt want one then this might rub her the wrong way.

ive heard of a new 'baby welcome shower' a get together thats held AFTER the bub is born so the bub is there. this might be better as ultimately its not a shower and if ppl have already brought a pressie at the time of birth they might not be as inclined to bring a pressie... as it is technically just to see the bub and have a get together. asking ppl to bring a plate of food and / or their drinks might make them think also that there is no need for a present in this instance?

Yeah, plate of food is a good idea. There's always party games. The last one I hosted was hilarious - and involved me licking melted chocolate out of a nappy - to the uninformed eye, the photo is absolutely revolting! It was a really good catch-up for a lot of people, so I love them.

I don't know how I could work it anyway, as SIL is in Melbourne, and due early Jan. I'm due to visit in October (could work) or one week before she's due!! Proabably a bit late!

yeah im one week out as we speak... and im not really in party mood.

hahah love the licking the chocolate from the nappy. im sooo going to do that at my friends shower