Delinquent DSD And Stupid House and Annoying DP - V Long Vent
DP is driving me nuts at the moment. This is my second whingy post in about 20 mins LOL!
OK, so longstanding saga. DP has a 15-year-old daughter who doesn't get on with her mum. Usually lives in the US but lived with us for 8 months last year. Now not getting on with mom again and in the last month has said she wants to come back here at Xmas.
I also got an e-mail from her mom's boyfriend (who I've never met) telling me she's out of control - you name it, booze, drugs, drug-dealing boyfriend, not going to school, horrible to her mom.
She's no angel, but she was fine over here last time. Normal teenager. I believe what he's saying but I think with the right sort of parenting she'll be a lot more settled. Done it before, can do it again.
It's the TIMING I have the issue with. We are currently living in a 2br house with the third BR needing a wall fixing. So basically it's unusable.
So our baby DD currently sleeps in our room. DP and I currently use the other bedroom as a spare room to sleep in. He's a shiftworker, often doesn't go to bed till 2am so doesn't need to be woken up by DD at 6am.
Having DSD come at Xmas will just not be very practical. DD will still be in our room and DSD will be sleeping in what DP uses as 'his' room when he needs to sleep.
On top of this, our room and DD are next to the front door and DD wakes up if you go in or out the front door. DSD has lots of friends, the doorbell will be constantly ringing and DD will constantly be woken up. Or I will constantly be telling DSD to tell her friends not to come over.
On top of that, we will have to take the furniture out of the spare room to make way for DSD and we have nowhere else to put it. So once again, we will have a wardrobe, filing cabinet and all sorts of crap in the hallway. I'M SICK OF LIVING IN A HALF-ARSED HOUSE!!! I can't even put clothes away when I want to because I have to work around DD being asleep in our room.
Fixing the walll so we have a 3br house will take at least six months, so no way known it will be done by Xmas.
I have told DP that I don't think DSD should come before the wall is fixed and we have a 3br house. He will neither agree nor disagree. He says nothing really. I also say to him that he should tell DSD RIGHT NOW that Xmas isn't realistic so that she shouldn't get her hopes up. D'you think he does that? No, he talks to her on the phone and tells her that if she comes at Xmas she will be going into Year 10. Doesn't even mention that Xmas might not be do-able.
I think his strategy is to just not mention the timing to DSD, then say in November, "oh, I promised her she could come" and guilt me into her coming before the house is fixed.
So, breathe Fiona breathe, I am just so sick of him not dealing with situations. I reckon most women would just say, "sorry, I'm not having a juvenile delinquent in the house, she can't come." I'm willing to have her here, as hard as it will be, but just want to delay it a bit until the house is actually livable or I will go bonkers.
I need a reality check. Is that reasonable?