I am devastated!!!

Going through many years of IVF, we finally recieved our BFP!!! I had never even got to that stage as my AF always arrived before I was able to go for a pg blood test, so my DH & I were beside ourselves of happiness!!!!
On Wed, we went for our 7wk scan to check for a heartbeat, and unfortunately there was not one, they said my embryo looked like it had stopped growing at 5wks...we were devastated:cry:. I am now waiting to miscarry (which is a horrible feeling knowing that it is coming) or go in to have a curette. Just wondering has anyone been through this??? When has your AF arrived knowing that you are about to miscarry, I am now at the 8wk stage and the waiting game is killing me.
I have decided to take this week of work, as I work in child care which makes it even harder :(. I feel very numb and scared, and do not want to deal with anyone (ie.family & friends) and it makes me even more sad to think that as they are my support through this journey.
Thankyou for reading and listening to me vent, you can't help but to get down, this is the closest I have ever become towards having a family, and just like that it is taken away.......

So sorry!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have been through the same. I played the waiting game to about 9 weeks then had a D&C hated the idea of it being over but not over. Nothing anyone can say can make you feel better. Take care.

I am so sorry to hear this sad news.

I had a missed misscarriage at 8 weeks and had a D and C as i did not want to wait for it to occur naturally and OB told me there was a chance if it happened naturally that I still may need a d and c if not complete.

Huge hugs:comfort::hug:

I know that you are probably sick of hearing it, but I am sorry for your loss.

The exact same thing happened to me 4 weeks ago and I was so devastated. The doctors never really suggested the idea of letting nature take its course and I was so angry and scared that I wanted it over and done with immediately. I even fasted in the morning before I went to see the doctor on the off chance I could convince them to do the D&C that day.

Whilst i am glad that it had it done, four weeks later I still have some ongoing symptoms with pain and bleeding. Make sure the doctor tells you all the risks and what to do if you have any problems.

Do not be afraid to go back to the OB afterwards if [Uanything[U] feels a little off

hey girl, i've never had to go thru the stress of ivf but yes, i've had three m/c this year, and two i chose to go home and just wait it out till i started to bleed. first time i had the D&C as i was too far along to cope with the waiting. second and third i went home and it happened within days...see my signature for more details..and PM me if you like.i personally would be asking my Dr now, after a week, because you now have three weeks of a non-viable baby and my worry would be infection, it's horrible and i hate to say it so i'm sorry and i don't mean to offend, and nothing can help heal the grief but time. i'm so sorry for your loss, please take care of yourself and don't stress about family and friends, you just have to deal with it YOUR way.

i am soo sorry for you loss
i understand totally how you feel
I had a missed/mc last year that was a results of our 6th IVF attempt. To get so far, and then had it ripped away is devistating. It knocked me to my core.
Everything was going well and had even started to feel flutters- and then i went for my 12 week scan to be told that my baby had died the day before for no apparent reason.

My ob booked me in for a suction currett the next day. I was so glad to get the experience over.

Emotionally it took me months to get over the experience, especially when i was unsure when we would be able to afford to do IVF again. Also my DH had told me that emotionally he didnt think he had it in him to do another cycle. I lef the decision to him when he wanted to try again and the hopes of completing our family up to fate.

I started to rebuild myself emotionally and physically. Did a/puncture, lost a bit of weight, drank heaps or water, no caffeine- all in the hope that when DH yes- i was ready!

I was lucky enough that my DH said lets go for it in June this year. I rang the clinic to book in for my next cycle and then said to ring back when it was the first day of my cycle- it never came and here i am 20 weeks later!!!!
After 10 years of trying we got a miracle

What i am trying to say is that you will rebuild- you wont be the same person-how can you be! But hang in there- there is a shining light at the end of the tunnell
Speak to your OB about perhaps getting a D and C so that the pain physically can stop and you can start to heal- rather than being in limbo

take care of yourself and your DH- do things that make you feel better- plant a memory plant- eat rocky road chocolate (heals all lol), shop, go for long walks- what ever you can do to get you through the moment- then the day- then the week.
take care
we are all here for you

odette

Thanks ladies for your replies, much appreciated!

Dragonfly - I'm new to Belly Belly,so I dont think I can PM you yet?? I will be calling my Doc tomorrow, I want a D&C, but I want it to come naturally more, just because I have had so many things happen in that region (ie.IVF needles, taking my eggs out. etc) for the past 2yrs, that I kinda dont want people to fiddle around there again, but I guess if I have to go & get it done than so be it.
I am just scared to miscarry as I have no idea what to expect, it's a horrible feeling, but your right, the risk of infection is scary. I am having slight pains, but that could be anything??? I also feel light headed quite often, dizzy, did you feel this way?
Shell08 xo

Odette, such beautiful words, thanks for your support...

I'm so sorry to hear your news Shell :( It sounds like you are traveling a very difficult road.

Something that I think helped me when I lost my angel, was that I had everything confirmed. I just knew that if there was any doubt that the baby might be ok (even if it was just in my head) that I would never be able to let go of that worry. My ob was great and sent me to an ultrasound specialist who confirmed my obs findings. I've heard of other girls taking a few days and having their hcg levels monitored over the few days to make sure it is going down before having a D&C.

I had a D&C 2 days after my scans and luckily everything went very well. I had very minimal cramping (only slightly worse than normal AF), and besides some gushing of blood on the first day (apparently normal) I only had bleeding a little heavier than normal AF.

When it comes to dealing with family and friends, just remember that YOU are the only person that can understand how you are feeling right now, and what it is that you need to help you through this. If that means yelling and screaming, crying, or just being by yourself, then that's what you should do. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. :hug:

Shel, I am so sorry to hear your sad news.

I can't really offer much advice as I had a d&c both times when I had my m/c's. It's totally devastating so I can only imagine it must be really hard for you during your wait to m/c naturally.

I pray that your dream of a healthy bub becomes a reality. :goodluck:

thanks KristyLove, my ob is actually doing the whole 'blood test thing' to show that my levels are dropping, I will get some more answers this afternoon...hopefully? Thankyou for your kind words, this is such a great website, so comforting. I may speak to my Ob to do a D&C, just to 'get it over with', I dont know what my body is doing, I still feel like I am pg, and that's what makes it really hard.
Love,
Shell

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Thanks ladies for your replies, much appreciated!

Dragonfly - I'm new to Belly Belly,so I dont think I can PM you yet?? I will be calling my Doc tomorrow, I want a D&C, but I want it to come naturally more, just because I have had so many things happen in that region (ie.IVF needles, taking my eggs out. etc) for the past 2yrs, that I kinda dont want people to fiddle around there again, but I guess if I have to go & get it done than so be it.
I am just scared to miscarry as I have no idea what to expect, it's a horrible feeling, but your right, the risk of infection is scary. I am having slight pains, but that could be anything??? I also feel light headed quite often, dizzy, did you feel this way?
Shell08 xo

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this may be TMI, sorry if it disturbs you.

i can fully understand how you wouldn't want any more intervention there! and of course there's always the risk of Asherman's syndrome (adhesive scarring of the uterus) and other complications after a d&c. if you have started to have pains, chances are that nature is taking it's course but i'd still have a good chat with your OB. i think there's a chemical way to start the process when it's a missed m/c? i had morning sickness all three times even as i started to spot...the first was a "missed miscarriage" as they assumed the poor bub's heartbeat had stopped somewhere between the 7 week scan and the 9 week, and i hadn't done more than lightly spot. no pain, nothing. the other two hadn't developed past a sac stage, and i'd had rythmic cramping all along, probably from implantation. i think my body knew all along they weren't viable.

with the second i started to pass blood on the thursday, had an u/s that showed the sac had detatched, but didn't pass more than blood and clots till the sunday afternoon. and luckily, it wasn't much worse than heavy period cramping so i didn't take painkillers till the sunday.

third time was like an very heavy period, again, and a small sac a few days later. both times i had a follow-up ultrasound a week later to be sure my uterus was empty. no antibiotics or intervention needed, thank goodness.

i hope your Dr is more helpful than mine was!

Shell - I am so, so sorry for your tragic loss. It is so crushing after such a long road to get there.,
All but my first m/c have been after OI/IUI cycles so I understand the extra pain of losing something so longed for.
In regards to natural m/c and D&C. Personally, I would go for the D&C. I tried the natural route with my first but after 1.5weeks of pain and bleeding, it still wasn't "over" so needed D&C anyway.
All my subesquent m/c's have been "missed" and I don't think would have passed naturally for weeks.
It is "normal" albeit awful to still have pg symptoms as you will still have HCG in your system until the baby/placenta have passed (and sometimes even weeks afterwards.
I am now 7.5weeks down the track from my last m/c and 2 x D&C's later, I still have pg hormones and some mild symptoms. This is probably at one extreme of recovery from m/c but just letting you know what could happen.
I pray you can either have surgery or pass your angel naturally very soon. Then at least the emotional recovery can really start

Another thing to consider re having D&C is that you could have the "products" (sorry, horrible term) tested and maybe an answer as to why he/she didn't make it. We have only had one come back with definte genetic issue but I did feel more closure on this one as I knew he would never have made it anyway... IYKWIM

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Shell - I am so, so sorry for your tragic loss. It is so crushing after such a long road to get there.,
All but my first m/c have been after OI/IUI cycles so I understand the extra pain of losing something so longed for.
In regards to natural m/c and D&C. Personally, I would go for the D&C. I tried the natural route with my first but after 1.5weeks of pain and bleeding, it still wasn't "over" so needed D&C anyway.
All my subesquent m/c's have been "missed" and I don't think would have passed naturally for weeks.
It is "normal" albeit awful to still have pg symptoms as you will still have HCG in your system until the baby/placenta have passed (and sometimes even weeks afterwards.
I am now 7.5weeks down the track from my last m/c and 2 x D&C's later, I still have pg hormones and some mild symptoms. This is probably at one extreme of recovery from m/c but just letting you know what could happen.
I pray you can either have surgery or pass your angel naturally very soon. Then at least the emotional recovery can really start

Another thing to consider re having D&C is that you could have the "products" (sorry, horrible term) tested and maybe an answer as to why he/she didn't make it. We have only had one come back with definte genetic issue but I did feel more closure on this one as I knew he would never have made it anyway... IYKWIM

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Hi Meredith,
Thankyou for sharing your experience with me. I spoke to my Dr yesterday & she said I could have a D&C today or let it naturally pass, she said that it is a 5wk sack & that the m/c should be ok, if I was further along, she said that she would definatley put me in to have a D&C. Therefore I chose to naturally pass...I am so confused, I also asked her what if it did not all come out & I have to go for a D&C anyway, she said I had a 90% chance of all of it coming out being only a 5 week old sack. I have hit my 2month mark, and I am really scared, today I have been thinking have I made the wrong decision coz if I had the D&C, it would all be over by now. she said my pg levels are coming down & that I should m/c within the week - the waiting is killing me, I just hope I have made the right decision & that it is over by the end of the week. I am getting a little pain in my tummy, but I dont know what that is...it could be the start of it?
Shell xox

I really feel for you hun...

I just found out today that we lost our baby at about 6 and a half weeks - I would have been 9 weeks tomorrow.
The doctor believes I will need a D & C which is to be organised tomorrow afternoon when I see the Ob/Gyno.

It's so not easy losing a baby how ever far along you are...
It's just devastating...

If you ever need to talk - just PM me...
I know what you are going through and I am feeling much the same...

Hi Bec,
I'm not to sure how to PM you??? I am quite new to BB. Firstly, I am so sad for your loss, it is heartbreaking & I do truly feel for you. I hope your D&C goes quickly, it is such a hard time to get through, nobody knows what to say, and in saying that, you dont want to talk to anyone. I am thinking of you through this hard time.
Shell xo