Thoughts on smacking children

Hi guys, I am currently stuck in the TTC section, but hopefully not for long!

Just wanted your thoughts on smacking. I personally dont see a problem with the odd tap on the bottom for an older child who is really misbehaving and is aware of it. I got the occasional smack as a child, and I have the most loving and adoring parents have always been and still are my best friends.

But I know a girl who bought over her not quite 1 year old baby to our house, and she reached to get a magazine off the table and her mum full on yelled at her and smacked her on the hand! :evil: It made me quite uncomfortable

Now, I know for a fact that neither she nor her partner harm her, but I dont think that is acceptable treatment of a baby. As we all know, a baby of that age doesnt understand how to differentiate between right and wrong.

What do you think?

Hi Min

Kimebrley is 19mths old. I will give her a smack on the hand or bum but the nappy stops that hurting.
If she is doing something wrong i manly say no and if she carry's on then i smack the hand.

Kameron will be smacked when he hasn't listened to me asking him not to do something. He usually gets asked 3 times with the voice being raised on each ask. If he continues then he will be smacked and sent to his room. But is rare for it to go that far. He is pretty good.

I wouldn't smack a child that didn't understand, if I was in your friends situation I would have just got up and moved the magazine so my child could not reach it or distracted him/her with something else.

Love :hbeat:

Jack is only 17 months old so no, I don't believe in smacking him. Perhaps when he is a little older he may get the odd smack, but it would have to be for something pretty serious. As a child, i was pretty much belted for the slightest little thing and not always by a hand, and I think that has shaped how I think about smacking.

Jo

Olivia is only 6 months, so we are not in that zone yet. In my heart I cannot bear the thought of smacking her, but I guess, as with most parenting issues, ages and stages make you feel and adapt differently.

As a child in a family of 7, none of us were ever smacked, ever. My parents tended to try & reason with us and help us understand. We were not bad kids. I hope that DH and I will be able to adopt the same approach.

This is great having a conversation where everyone is accepting of our preferred parenting methods! Well done guys.

Personally I don't smack, I feel that times I am most frustrated are times I am most inclined to be irrational. So I try and take a deep breath, step back and realise it's me that's just being frustrated with her behaviour. I was smacked as a child, with implements too, I know it made me angry and resentful. So I always use distraction and it works fine for me - I know it's not always going to work as she gets older, but I would rather tell her what she's doing that is wrong and move on without making a fuss. She's always more likely to be naughty when she's bored, so I stop what I am doing and play with her and all seems to be fine. Having said that, she rarely is naughty and is very well behaved - it's mostly when I am here on the computer that she starts up as she wants me to be with her and play. Which I can fully understand.

Pinky McKay's article last month was fantastic for those who haven't read it yet, it's well worth the read: "How To Calm Down When Your Kids Wind You Up." It's all about how we react when our kids play up.

Ahhh - the raised voice! although my voice gets deeper the more times I tell Caitlin to do something, then she knows I mean business. I also have the 'angry face'.

I used to smack my two younger sisters when we were all at home, and the youngest one would turn around and tell me that it didn't hurt so I would just want to hit her harder. That has made me really not want to smack Caitlin. Although I think if she does something silly that puts her in danger, then I think a smack might reinforce the idea that doing that is wrong. I figure they're just going to get bigger and you'll have to hit them harder. I'd like to think I don't have to use fear for my girl to be good.

In July, before I got my first AF in four months, I almost lost the plot with Caitlin and put her in her room and sat in the lounge and had a cry, while she cried in her room. Then two days later, AF ! so I put it down to PMT.

Will read that article. sounds good.

Barb.

Sorry Barb forgot to add - the article is in the Baby section of the site, you have to scroll down to get to the "Child" heading to find it.

im not sure, i would give josh a little tap on the back of the hand if he was being very naugty and didnt listen to my 3 asks, it didnt do much difference apart form make him sit down and listen to me, i dont like the idea of smacking but i think sometimes you may have to, if i told josh of to loudly he would run to his room put his head onto his bed and cry, but then hed come straight back 3- 5 mins later giving me hugs :)

Lesley

thanks everyone, all great points, I would say that I pretty much agree with all of them in some ways. I think the majority of people would say that gentle smacking is a last resort. We should try alternative methods before we get to that. But in a you baby's case, I think everyone is pretty much in agreeance that smacking is completely unnecessary

I dont think I would ever smack a baby- but at 12 months i dont think they are 'babies' as such any more. I will not be afraid to smack Riley if he is being really naughty but i dont think intimidation and fear are the only way to go. I got smacked when i was little and although it did help me be good it was onyl out of the fear of knowing i would get it when i got home and i dont want that kind of 'control' over Riley regardless of how old he is.
I also think there needs to be a distinguishing difference between a smack and inappropriate behaviour. I used to get smakced with a plastic spatula and that is inappropriate (or unappropriate??) but i dont think a smack on the hand or bottom hurts anyone especially if it helps a child to 'remember' that this is a bad thing to do- e.g. walk out onto the road- touch an oven.

Mind you this may all change once and if I have a naughty 2 year old!! :)