About to start IVF - help! (this is a bit of a rant)

(my apologies if this is long...)

Hi Ladies,

I hope I am posting this is the right place. I have been around the bellybelly forums for a couple of years posting on and off, but I am new to this thread.

DH and I have been trying to get PG sporadically for the last few years - it has always followed the same cycle - me getting really excited about the idea of becoming PG, getting myself an FF account, charting, temping, etc (I'm a bit of a perfectionist!) only to become increasingly frustrated and by about the 4th or 5th cycle be so disillusioned and over it that I never want to look at a basal thermometer again! :wall:

Anyway in April we started again in earnest. Again, the same old pattern occured, but this time DH was the voice of reason and we decided to go and get some tests done as maybe it wasnt just 'me' being unable to read my body, which is what I always felt.

DH got a call from the doctor. She was insistent that we come in to get our test results.
We went in expecting some bad news but werent really ready to find out that my husband's sperm test had come back badly - he had none. Not one. Not even one.

I felt strangely okay about it until we got further info, as it seemed like there was a number of reasons this could happen, so we headed to Sydney IVF. Since then we've had more tests and after all that it has worked out okay. DH's sperm is being pushed into his bladder and coming out in his urine (sorry TMI). His last sperm test last week they managed to get out 12. Not 12 million. Just 12 little guys, 7 motile.

So now I am making my first appt to meet with the IVF nurse next week. I feel a bit scared about all the needles and having my hormones messed with. I feel scared that maybe hubbies 12 sperm are no good (they cant even check them with that few). I dont know how to lie to my work about needing to take time off. And I feel frustrated about all the wasted emotional effort of charting, and temping and praying and putting my feet up on the end of the bed to push the sperm in, and rubbing my stomach in anticipation, and checking my nipples to see if they looked darker - which was all useless, because there was no sperm.

Anyway, I'm sorry for the rant. Just needed to get it out. DH doesnt like me talking about it to any one, so thanks for being here to listen.

I guess I'd really love to know what to expect next. I will make the IVF appt this week to see the nurse. What should I expect? Are there any questions I should ask her in particular? Did those who are going through IVF take their partners to the first meet?

Thanks again,

Hellie

Hellie - i've had to go through IVF for completely different reasons, but i think the emotional baggage for anyone going trough IVF would be similar. to be honest, i've made sure DH has been able to attend almost every appointment with me (he's missed one appointment with the FS and one scan due to work - in 2.5 years of treatment) - this is something we're doing together, and i wanted to make sure he was on the same page. he had questions too and he had a chance to ask them

if we'd had male-factor issues, there's no chance i'd have gone to any appointments without him - as silly as it might sound, your DH is going to be going through some major emotional upheaval with this "diagnosis" and, given that IVF is your only option, it is better for him to be around. yes, you will be the one physically going through it, but you'll find he will be carrying a lot of guilt at the moment, so being there to "support" you will allow him to feel a part of this, and less "guilty" about what it is..

with regards to what to ask the nurse - i would be listing a bit of everything (even if you kinda think you know the answer, it's better to ask anyway)
for me - it was things like, what side effects, what is the treatment regime, timing, cost etc. given your situation with DH, i'd also be asking what happens if those seven swimmers aren't enough for the number of eggs collected. what if they're not up to standard. would they look at seminal aspiration (taking the sperm from the testes via needle) - and for those sorts of questions, i think your DH needs to be there

good luck embarking on this journey

BG

Hellie-
I understand your emotional rollercoster. We are about to embark on the same journey for the first time. Hopefully (yes, hopefully - it's hard to believe, but after lots of talking and lots of tears and lots of "but I don't want to inject myself with hormones" we are eager and ready to start this process) we will start the nasal spray and injections around the end of this week, beginning of next week, so we are not far in front of you.

We met with the nurses last week, and DH attended enthusiastically. He hasn't missed an appointment so far, and will continue to come with me. As briggsy's girl mentioned, DH and I are in this together, it affects us both, and we need to support each other. One thing that has been very important for us is communication. At first DH felt very anxious and unsure about the process, and didn't want to talk with anyone. We have only told our parents, and my two siblings, but having this support has been fabulous already. We have told them that we are sensitive and still working through things, and they are very understanding and supportive, and I have noticed DH talking more and more about the process with them. I have told my boss and one co-worker. My boss is supportive and is flexible in giving me time off work. My co-worker went through IVF 2 years ago, so it is good to have someone to talk to who has been through this before.

May I suggest one thing that really helped us (I assume different clinics offer similar services): consider going on the lab tour. We went on Thursday night and were completely put at ease. Our clinic offers their patients to be in the lab and look at what's going on with their sperm/egg/embryos etc. It was great to see where "it all happened", and to see the room where the transfers happen etc.

I'll look you up and see how you're going, and keep posting as I'd love to hear how things are going for you.

:bluedust::pink-babydust:

Hi Hellie,

When my DH first found out he didn't have good sperm I was quite conscious of how he may be feeling. I strongly enforced to him that our problem was not his alone and I was just glad that we had something to work on. To me finding the 'fault' is not about pointing the finger but finding out where to focus our energy on improving.

As BG and Bub4me have said I would strongly urge you both to go to the first appointment so you can both ask questions and learn about the process together.

I have managed my ultrasounds and blood tests by myself and TBH, in our clinc anyway, it is not the norm to see a partner accompany someone for these tests - although partners are welcomed when they are there. It depends on what both you and DH are comfortable with, what you both want and what fits into your lifestyle or work commitments.

The feelings of 'wasted time' is quite normal. When I think back to years ago when I was on the pill because 'we weren't ready' really frustrates me now. To a degree I feel a little stupid considering now we need assistance - not that we were to know then.

Wishing you luck with your journey.

Thanks girls - really appreciate your responses, and all your great advice and support. I have now made an appointment at Sydney IVF for mid Nov, as it is the earliest they can see me, so I suppose its just diet and vitamins until then. They require both partners in attendance - it seems pretty obvious now, but our referring doctor hadnt made it very clear (and hubby is of course happy to attend!)

Briggsy's girl - thanks for the list of questions - I had been wondering that about the extra eggs as well, but wasnt really sure how many it was normal to collect. They have talked about aspiration, but it is considered a Plan B only if we have no luck after a few rounds of IVF, as they dont want to have to operate unnecessarily (sounds a bit unfair really, considering all the hormones I'm going to have to take, that they would be willing to put us through several rounds of IVF rather than give hubby a small operation - but there you go - I'm sure its for good reason).

Bub4me - I'll definately look into the lab tour. I would also love to know how you are going, seeing as we will be in treatment only a couple of months apart. I have told about as many people as you - mums, my sister, and best friend who's a doctor only - and its all hush hush apart from that.

CeCe - Thanks for your advice about DH. We've had a lot of chats as I too was really worried he would feel upset and insecure, but he is really great. For him its about "finding the solution", so while we have some actions to take, he is okay. Finding out he was not infertile was a huge, massive relief for him. Like you, I am trying to make this our problem, not his alone.

Thanks again,

Hellie

Hi Hellie,

The girls have said enough. Just thought I come in to wish you luck. DH and I had a male factor problem as well (he had 95% anti sperm antibodies - yeah, his body is killing his little men!). I was very conscious of his feelings and made sure he understood, I considered the problem to be our problem (not his alone) because I want "his child" and if we can't have kids, we will adopt. Though I have to say through many cycles and many let down, when I feel he is not doing what he should be doing, I get a little angry.. but had to quickly remind myself that I shouldn't blame him... he is suffering just as much as I am.

All the best with your appointment in Nov.

Hellie

I took DH to my inital appointment the ones after I was ok with and the clinic was close to work. Just make sure you are comfy with your FS

Injections - maybe I am wiered but I felt like they gave me some control over the process and and ice cube can numb things a bit first.

We had a process called ICSI where the sperm was injected into the eggs and I gather that is what they will do for you.

We also used accupunture for me helped with my stress levels and balanced things I think it helped

I also read a book called spririt babies which helped me deal with the process.

It took us awhile but we did make it good luck and :bluedust:

Kahlan, I must say that I feel the same as you about having hubby's kids. At the moment I almost feel that if we cant have kids together, as much as it hurts to think about it, then DH would be enough for me - he is really wonderful. (but hopefully everything will go well!)

Tiggerlinda, yes we have to have ICSI. I saw a post for acupuncture and will have to check it out. I have also had a read of your blog - congratulations on your wonderful outcome.

I am so naiive to all of this; the IVF journey seems to be much longer than I imagined.

I dont have any advice as I am new to this as well, just wanted to wish you all the best and that I am thinking of you

Hellie sometimes it is long sometimes you can be lucky thanks for reading my blog :)

Hi. We have just started our first round of IVF (well I have started sniffing the nasal spray - going in 21 days for the baby retreival and transfer :pray:)

I like you felt silly that we had "wasted" all those years. I think all the time we were careful and it wouldn't have mattered anyways lol.

DH came to our first appointment. I have been to the rest on my own. My DH is working away at the moment with his job and as he is on casual any days off means no pay and although money shouldn't play a big part in all this when you are ultimately going to have to pay a big bill just prior to getting the baby bit then yeah money does play a part. He will be by my side for the retreival and transfer - we are going to make a holiday out of it - but yeah I do most of it on my own - its hard but you do what you have got to do.

I hope it all goes well for you - we have 1% sperm - you will get through it!

Hi Hellie,

You poor things- I haven't heard of that happening before.
Just make sure hubby avoids alcohol, caffeine and sugary processed foods and eats loads of fresh vegetables & fruit (preferably organic) & drinks HEAPS of water to increase the strength and motility of the sperm that he has.

A detox for the both of you is also worth considering. It has been shown to reduce the level of toxic chemical residue in sperm and eggs by up to 70%.

Best of luck!!

XXX