Elizabeth Honor - 9th August 2008 *warning VERY long!*
I was more than a week overdue, and we were beginning to play chicken with an induction when the Bear suggested acupuncture. He had researched it and found someone in Bondi Junction. I explained to her that I had no signs of labour whatsoever, and I was concerned that if I was induced, my body wouldn?t respond and I would end up with a c-section. She suggested three sessions of acupuncture to prepare my body for labour, so that even if I was induced my body would be ready for it.
Thursday morning the Obstetrician said they would call to tell me when an induction had been scheduled, assuming nothing had happened ? and nothing had. They didn?t call in the morning, I rang and left a message but they didn?t get back to me. I headed into my acupuncture session and turned off my phone. I wasn?t particularly worried. Since they hadn?t called I assumed it wouldn?t be until Monday the next week and that would give me time to have my three sessions of acupuncture. I went and got stuck with needles. It was strangely relaxing. I fell asleep on the bed while the needles were in place. I was there until about 5pm, and when I left, there was a message on my voicemail from the Obstetrician?s office ?O this is Belinda from Dr X?S office, just ringing to say you?re booked for an induction in the morning, I assume you know?. Well, you were the one who was supposed to tell me, and since you didn?t, how was I meant to know? I freaked. All the calm from the acupuncture evaporated in an instant. I really didn?t want to go in for induction in the morning. I was terrified, and I wanted the chance to finish the acupuncture. Desperately, I phoned the office back but there was no answer. The Bear was in the car (with a trailer on the back) and somehow, in the rain at 5pm managed to park in Macquarie St. He ran upstairs to the Obstetrician?s office, but it was locked, and there was no one there. In the end I rang RPA. They were really nice. ?Well,? they said, ?you?re booked in tomorrow morning to have your waters broken, but if you really don?t want to do it, give your obstetrician a call in the morning. We can?t do it if you?re not here.?
So in the morning the surgery called, and the OB's secretary asked me nervously ?are you at the hospital?? I told her no, and asked to speak to the doctor. I explained that I had just got the message the previous afternoon and that I wasn?t ready. He laughed and said OK, well I guess we?ll just play it by ear. So in the afternoon I went for my next session of acupuncture. I was lying there with needles in my side, in my back, in my belly, and I thought ?You have to let things change. You have to allow things to change.?
So after I had my needles I went home. There was a little blood later that night but nothing much ? was it a show? Who knows what a show is anyway? I woke up about 12.30 and noticed I had a pain in the lower back. I didn?t pay much attention and snuggled back into bed with the Bear. But about 3 in the morning I woke up with the pain. It felt like period pain, but really strong, and continuous. I couldn?t lie still comfortably, so I got up and walked around for a bit. I tried lying down again later but it was no use. It made the pain worse. So I walked around the lounge room and sat propped up on the couch. About 4am the continuous pain started to come in waves. It would abate completely and then build up again. It wasn?t at all what I thought contractions would feel like, but the regularity of them made me think these were contractions. By about 5.30 I started timing them. They were coming between 3 and 7 minutes apart and I needed to stand still and huff and puff through them. Around then I heard the Bear stirring, and he asked ?Are you OK?
?I think I?m in labour.? He got out of bed and came and gave me a cuddle, turned on the heater and asked about the pain.
The sun was just starting to come up and I took some photos of the first light coming up over the harbour and thought ? this is the sunrise on the day my little girl is going to be born.
The Bear and I timed contractions for a while, I had some ginger tea and he tried to think of something to have for breakfast. I was struggling to think of something that I could face. I hadn?t even been able to face a cup of normal tea, which for me was quite unprecedented. Around 6.30, contractions were coming about 5 minutes apart so Bear suggested I call the hospital. The hospital casually said to stay home, have a shower or bath, take a panadol and wait for the contractions to get stronger and closer together.
Bear suggested he go quickly to the markets but I didn?t want to be without him. We did need milk, bread and panadol though, so he went to Woolies and I stayed at home huffing and puffing. When he got home I had a bath. It didn?t really seem to help much. It might have been because it was only half full, or because I couldn?t lie straight in it, but it didn?t seem to ease the pain and the contractions seemed to be getting stronger. I was saying to the Bear that now I kind of understood how someone could say they were in labour for astronomical amounts of time like 40 hours ? time just doesn?t make sense anymore.
I was getting tired, so I propped myself up on the couch so I could relax between contractions. I was so tired I even dozed in between them. But it was hard to get comfortable on the couch or in any position. It seemed easiest to manage the pain standing up and leaning on the table or the kitchen bench.
The Bear noticed that there was quite a lot of blood in the toilet, and we weren?t sure if it was normal or not. By about 12.30 we decided to call the hospital again. The girl on the phone was pretty lackadaisical but said if we wanted to come in, it was up to us. The Bear was keen to make the move before I got too uncomfortable, even though I was pretty sure I would be sent home again. As we drove, with me clutching the hand grip and wriggling to try and work through the contractions, I set my mind to accept that when we arrived at the hospital we would be sent home with painkillers and sleeping pills. And that did seem to be what the midwife had in mind after giving me a trace. By this time labour had stopped. Just as the midwife seemed about to send me home with a bag of painkillers and sleeping pills, she came back in and said that the OB had told her to have my waters broken and start me on a drip. My stomach sank. Oh sh*t. It was really going to happen. A registrar came and gave me an internal exam. I was 3 cm dilated and well effaced. The beautiful registrar with her tumble of ginger locks broke my waters. ?I?ll need some fundal pressure sister? she said cheerily to the midwife who pressed on my belly as the registrar wielded the hook. It was the weirdest sensation, the warm gush ? but it didn?t hurt at all. The contractions started back up almost straight away. They went to get drips ready.
I was scared of the drip, more so than the ROM, I was worried it would make the labour too intense for me to cope with, but at the same time I was already feeling a little fatigued, having been awake since 3am, and I knew that without a push along I could easily become too tired to make it to the end. Either way, it was too late now, it was all going to start happening, ready or not. At least I knew it would be over soon. Well, soonish. So the drip went in, the monitor was on, and I was lying on the bed wired up like a Christmas tree, just like all the birth books say you shouldn?t be. Every time I went to the bathroom I had to unhook the CTG and wheel the IV pole in with me. There was a bit of comic relief the first time I went to the bathroom. I asked the Bear to help me get my bra off. Which was when we realized that the drips had all been put in while I was still wearing my own t-shirt and bra. Apparently I was supposed to have changed into a hospital gown before the drips went in. For reasons that became obvious as we unclipped my bra and then tried to feed it over the maze of tubes, wires, IV bags and finally the IV pole. Then we had to play the same game with my t-shirt. The midwife put a gown on me and I went back to my tubes and wires and sensors and machines that went ping. The drip had started about 3pm and labour came on strong almost straight away. I was doing OK though, breathing with the contractions and somehow getting through them. I was getting up to go to the bathroom every half hour because it gave me a chance to unhook everything and get up off my back. It also gave me something to focus on ? I could look at the clock, which was very conveniently placed directly opposite the bed, and think only twenty minutes until I can stand up, only ten minutes till I can stand up. Somehow that made the time pass a bit quicker. I am not sure when it was, maybe 4.30, that I said to the Bear ?At 5.00 I?m going to start thinking about gas? he encouraged me to persevere and told me I was doing well. I said ?I might think about it for an hour, but at 5.00 I?m going to start thinking about it.? Well, I did think about it for about half an hour. I got up at 5.30 for my half-hourly trip to the bathroom, and on the way back I really felt I was starting to come unstuck. I had been in the bathroom, not sure if I wanted to wee, poo or vomit or all three, got up and down off the toilet about three times. On the way back to the bed I kind of collapsed on to the Bear. ?I?m really not happy? I said, and when the midwife came back in, I asked her for the gas. She gave me an internal exam so we knew where we were up to. This was about twenty to six. She said I was 7 cm which was great news. The gas was wheeled around and she showed me how to use the mouthpiece. When she left the room, the Bear was saying ?it works on saturation, the longer you can hold it in the better it works.? Well that was all I needed to hear. Once I knew how to really use it, it kept me comfortable for the next hour or so, along with the chillout mix the Bear had put on the stereo (which seemed to be getting louder). It was very weird being in a hospital gown hooked up to drips feeling quite out of it and bopping along to the Ministry of Sound. I realized just how well the gas was working when I got up for the half-hourly trip to the bathroom. Being away from it for even a few minutes was almost unbearable, but there was so much pressure on my bladder and bowel I constantly felt like I needed to go. Just before 7pm, the Bear went to find some food for himself. I was only allowed water, ice and cordial but by this stage it was about all I could face anyway. No sooner had he left the room than the midwife came in and checked the ticker tape. She said that there were small contractions in between the main ones and they weren?t as effective as they should be. So she turned up the drip. I was worried it would get too much for me so I asked her to come back in 15 minutes to talk about increasing the gas. By the time the Bear came back I was really struggling to cope with the increased intensity of the contractions. I said to him that just when I felt like I was coping the mw (I may have described her in more colourful language) had come in and upped the ante, and I really couldn?t handle it. I was starting to feel like pushing and the gas wasn?t stopping the pain or the pushing sensation. When the mw came back in, I told her I was feeling very pushy and I wanted to know how far along I was before making the next decision about pain relief. She checked as I insisted. This was about 7.15 (I think ? I was losing track of time despite the clock). I was 9cm. ?so what does that mean?? I said. I knew what it meant but I was trying to say what happens next. I wasn?t overly articulate as there wasn?t much of a break between contractions. ?It means you?re nearly there? she said and turned the gas up to 60 or 70% before leaving the room again. The higher concentration of gas gave me more capacity and I was coping with the contractions again. I asked her to come back at 8 to see how I was getting on. She said 8.30 and in the end we split the difference at 8.15.
There were a couple of moments during labour that were like off-notes, discordant. Things that were a bit wrong. I have no idea where they happened in the sequence of events. They just kind of stand out, disconnected. One was when the mw was taking my temperature which she was doing every half hour. I was running a slight fever, she told me, and rushed about organizing for antibiotics to be added to the collection of drips. The other was when she was whisking away one of the liners they use to protect the bed from muck. She noticed some meconium on it, which she pointed out to us. ?It?s really thin? she said, ?but its there?. These things didn?t panic me. It must have been the hormones. I worried briefly about the meconium but I didn?t give it a lot of thought, I was too focused on getting through the labour.
During the course of the hour the nature of the contractions changed from pain to push. There really is no way to describe that sensation, the urge, the need to push and how difficult it is to hold back from pushing when your whole body is screaming to. Just after 7.30 I was saying to the Bear I wanted to get her back in because I couldn?t control the urge to push. He said let?s wait until the top of the hour. But ten or fifteen minutes later he could see that I was losing the battle against pushing. ?We aren?t going to make it to the top of the hour are we??. I think we pressed the call button just before 8. The mw came in about 8.20 to find me fully dilated. She put the gloves on and got everything ready. She said that the OB was coming and I said I didn?t care if he didn?t make it. I wasn?t going to wait for him! It was so strange, completely different. At the point where pushing began, it no longer hurt. It was a physically all-encompassing sensation, but not actually painful. I didn?t need the gas anymore. The mw told me to put one leg on her hip and one on the Bear's and together they coached and encouraged me to push. It must have been about 9pm, with the baby?s head visible to the Bear and mw, when the OB walked in, a little surprised at how far things had progressed. I was sweating and out of breath, demanding water between contractions. the Bear looked at the OB standing around like a third wheel and passed him a glass of water saying ?here, fill this up?. The Ob was so stunned he did. A knowing look passed between the Bear and the mw, that even I, engrossed in labour, noticed with amusement. The OB put his gloves and other gear on and took control of the situation, taking over from the mw and coaching me through the contractions. I could feel the baby moving her head between contractions and that was just the weirdest sensation. The OB was telling me to let the contraction build up before starting to push. She was crowning now ? the Bear and mw both exclaimed ?She?s got hair? and someone suggested I reach down and feel her head, but I was like ?No just get her out?. At that point the sensation of her head coming out of me was painful and there was just an overwhelming urge to get her out and relieve the pressure. I could so understand how people said yes to assisted deliveries, just the urgency to get the baby out was overwhelming. As she crowned the OB said ?just let the next contraction build and when it comes I will tell you what to do. I can?t remember what the instructions were, but we got through that contraction and he said ?OK, with the next contraction the baby?s head is going to be born.? That was a huge relief, psychologically. And as it happened, it was an incredible physical relief. It didn?t hurt, it was just like a massive relief of pressure, and it came with a forceful burst of fluid. Her head was out. He let me rest for a minute before coaxing her shoulder out and pulling her body out of me. ?And it?s a baby? he said, pulling her out and placing her on my chest. I was breathless, and shocked at this motionless ? and seemingly enormous ? white thing on my chest ?Eww, she?s so slimy? I said. She wasn?t moving, she wasn?t crying. It didn?t seem right. She wasn?t there for more than a minute while they cut the cord, then they whisked her off to the resuscitaire. There were people in the room that I hadn?t noticed coming in. The paediatrician was standing over her at the resuscitaire, and she asked the Bear to help her and he went and stood beside the resuscitaire and helped her with the oxygen bag. She still wasn?t crying. ?come on little girl? I was saying ?show us your lungs?.
There were still contractions but I could hardly notice them. The OB told me to give a big push and the placenta ? also enormous ? slipped out. That was the ultimate feeling of physical relief.
The OB pressed on my abdomen and blood poured onto the sheet. Everything happened in a blur - they called for another synto drip, people rushed around. Somewhere in there they placed Beth on my chest, wrapped in a blanket. The Bear took a photo and before I knew it she was gone again. So was everyone else for that matter. I was completely alone in the room, on a bed covered in blood and liquor and everything else, unable to move, wondering what the hell happened. I felt like I was on drugs, and just kept thinking "wow, I did it...". It seemed a bit wrong that there was no one with me, especially the Bear and for that matter the baby! But thank God it never even occurred to me at the time to think that Beth wouldn't be OK. Eventually I got irritated with being left alone and buzzed the nurse. "Could someone please rustle up my husband?" She looked at me "He's in the nursery holding the little girl's hand, do you really want me to go and get him?" I thought if he was there then that was probably where he needed to be. The nurse came back with a food pack. She told me that Beth was in the nursery doing fine. This might have been a bit of an exaggeration but I didn't realise it at the time. Eventually the Bear came back. I had inhaled the food carton and drunk three cups of sweet tea and my drip had run through so I was ready for a shower. God - it was the best shower I have ever had in my life. When I was dressed we were taken to a waiting room where we rang my parents and the Bear's and sent text messages telling people she had been born. Then we went to see her in the special care nursery. She was in a humidicrib with tubes in her throat and a big bat on her hand to hold the canula in place. But she was plump and pink. She was in the nursery for two nights, and then she was released to the ward with me. The next day in the ward I saw the mw again and she rushed up and gave me a big hug. She said that the Bear and I made a great team.
So that's the story of our beautiful baby girl's birth.
I am sorry it is soooooooooo long and if you got this far you seriously deserve a medal!
