Total shock after first miscarriage with second pregnancy.
Hi all,
When I joined this site and read a few of these posts I never dreamed that I would be entering one of my own. Just a week ago I was reading stories of miscarriages and stillbirths with my heart sinking to the floor- ever grateful that such horrors had never happened to me.
People always think "It will never happen to me", a naive way of thinking but common nonetheless. I was certainly one of those thinkers. I was 8 weeks pregnant and feeling entirely positive with my situation. This is my story.
My husband and I have a wonderful 18 month old son, who is the sparkle in our eyes. We have always wanted at least two children, a son and daughter. Six months after our son was born we were both excited to start trying for a sibling. After a year of a solid effort (much fun had in the process) we finally conceived again, finding that we were pregnant in mid Sept.
We were both elated -as you can imagine after having tried for so long. The pregnancy was just as our first, at the five week point I was nauseous beyond belief, constantly tired, forever hungry and had excitingly growing, sore breasts - all great signs of a healthy pregnancy. I had no reason to feel that anything was abnormal.
On the 20th of Oct (hubby's birthday) we had our first antenatal appt at the hospital. Because it was very early days (around 9 weeks) all the midwife physically did was take my blood pressure as the doppler wouldn't have detected a heartbeat as the uterus was still tucked away in the pelvis. The midwife then booked us in for the following day to have a dating scan, so away we went as excited as could be.
On the 21st we went to have the ultrasound done, I layed down excitedly exposing my belly - the gel was put on and the probe found my uterus. The screen came up and the first question the ultrasonographer asked was if I had been bleeding. I knew this could mean nothing but bad news, I asked if everything was okay and she simply said no.
The screen showed a nine week sized uterus but a very tiny undeveloped white dot which was the baby that had shut down some time earlier. My body still thought I was pregnant, was releasing the normal hormones and increasing the size of the uterus. I burst into tears and couldn't believe that this was happening when I thought everything was perfect.
I went to see the doctor and they gave me a few choices: (a) To wait and see whether my body would realise that the baby had died and naturally miscarriage (b) Take tablets to give uterine contractions and miscarry that way, or (c) To have a D&C. I knew I didn't want to feel like I was pregnant anymore if there was no positive outcome, so I opted to have the D&C, I was booked in the following day, the 22nd Oct, to have the procedure done.
I was admitted to my room at 7am and was put on the emergency list for theatre, so the time was unknown as to when I would be operated on. At 10.45 the doctor came to see me to explain the procedure again and to say that I should hopefully be seen in the next hour or so. I was then given some tablets to soften the cervix and told to relax.
After an hour I started to cramp and bleed. I hated the wait without any symptoms of what was happening within my body, but the bleeding made me realise that this was actually happening, that I was going to lose my baby 7 months too early, with a devastating result.
I was eventually taken into theatre at 4pm, nine hours after my arrival. I started to cry as I was wheeled through the corridors watching happy new parents leave with their newborns. As the Anaesthetist explained what she needed to do I fought back the urge to cry some more, with only a few silent tears trickling down my face. She understood and was lovely, yet still professional.
I had my drip put in and went into the theatre room. I was heavily bleeding by this stage and was embarassed as I shifted from my bed to the operating table, leaving a trail of blood. I was given the anaesthetic gas, thinking this is the last moment with my baby, and I went to sleep.
I woke up in recovery and just wanted to go back to sleep. I didn't want to think about it anymore and wanted to forget all that had happened within the last 24 hours. I was shifted back to my room and was bleeding more than normal, I was monitored until 8.30pm and was told to keep an eye on the blood loss and come back if I felt it was too profuse.
My husband picked me up and we went home, thankful to be together after a long day we talked for a while and had a bit of a cry when I remembered that on his birthday card I had signed it "Love from Allyce (+ two) xx". We then cuddled up in bed and went to sleep, after an emotional day I was amazed and thankful that it took only moments to give into exhaustion.
I am forever grateful that we have each other, my husband has been the most supportive man and has done everything to make the situation as best as possible. For that I thank him so much.
We shall try again to create another little bundle as soon as my body allows, and I hope to post soon with some happier news.
I feel empty and truly upset that this has occured to us, but it gives me a much greater understanding of how so many women feel in this position. I am so sorry for the losses of all others who have been as unfortunate to have experienced a miscarriage or stillbirth. My thoughts are with you all.
Take care all.
Much love,
Allyce.
xx
