Not listening. Help!

My DS1 is 4 turning 5 in Jan. He just doesn't listen to anyone. He thinks he can do whatever he wants, whenever.
He's lost almost all the things he likes to do, aka watch dvds for example.
We're tried a points system thing lately, where he has to be good and listen to get points to be able to go with my sister to her christmas party which is at a water park type place. That lasted all of a few days and he'd get points then lose twice as many due to his behaviour and not listening.

I don't know what to do anymore. :wall:
I at least thought he'd listen to the teachers at Preschool, which is he goes to one day a week, but today I found out he hasn't been.
She also told me that he's been running off while they're not looking or something like that.

I know I'm not the only one to have troubles like this so why do I feel like my child is the only one that does all this?
When we're out I see little boys and girls with their parents/guardians doing as they're told, but my boy won't... :crying:
There have been glimpses of this good boy shining through once or twice in the past month, so it's not all bad.

Any ideas? suggestions?
Does/has this happened with your children?

I'm sorry if this isn't the right place to post. I wasn't exactly sure where I should post it.
Thanks for reading and/or replying. It means alot.
xx

Sounds like my DD, she is 5 in March.
Mind of her own all of a sudden and an attitude to match, likes to think she can do what ever she wants when she wants.
Sometimes I have to get a bit tough on her, restricting some things I normally wouldn't, usually I am pretty soft, but lately I've had to be pretty stern with her most of the time.

I think she knows big change is coming and is grasping for attention any way she can, because I am not able to do as much with her as I normally would, and it's only gonna get worse when bubs comes.

Have you tried some one on one special time with him, just the two of you.
I am planning on doing it as much as I can when bub is born, been just the two of us for such a long time, it's a big adjustment for them.
She helps me with "special" jobs and gets rewarded.

I've also found ignoring the small stuff works well, not giving negative attention all the time, praising a lot when she does something good and not letting her get away with as much (like attituse, lying, not tidying up etc), all in combination seem to be keeping her well behaved most of the time.

Not sure how much sense I am making lol, she is bugging me for lollies as I sit here typing (she has no chance hehe)

Hugs... I'd really like some help with this too... I have a 3 almost 4 y/o who is exactly the same. we have tried reward systems, sticker and point charts, removing toysnaughty chairs/time out. Dp and i are almost at or witz end.

I know how you feel and your definatley not alone... I DREAD going out with DS as i cant stand the disapproving looks i get from mothers with ANGEL kids. It takes me 10x as long to do anything cos he runs off, gets things a dont need and i have said numerous times no please put that back. I try to involve him which works sometimes but not always.

My MIL used to always say ... He's just a boy he cant be that bad... Its only now she's realising what he's really like... (i think the 1st grandchild shine is wearing thin with her)

I have taken away EVERYTHING in his room and were in the process of him having to work hard to gain them back (1 piece at a time) I really hope that someone comes in here with some help... But i know what your going through... worst part is what works for others doesnt work with my DS... its like his ears tune out...

II80 - Thanks for the idea of the one and one time. I think I'm going to try and have more one and one time with him. Good luck with the rest of your pg!!

Jess - OMG! Our DS's sound exactly the same! My dad used to say what your MIL used say too. LOL. His opinion changed once he opened his eyes more and watched.

It's really nice to know that I'm not the only one out there at their wits end.
Thank you so much for replying.

oooh looky - bubbablue is 3 months old! DS started running more amok than usual when his sis was 3 months and I've mentioned before that I think it was the point he realised she wasn't leaving anytime soon - the novelty reeeeallly wore off by then.

Do you kneel down to talk to him? Do you give him an 'agenda' of what you will be doing when you are out? ie - we will go to the bank, then the Post Office and then the bakery....I often give a running commentary about everything around us - 'what colour is the post office? what kind of shop is that do you think? Would you like to choose a roll when we get to the bakery? Oh look at the doggie over there etc etc etc. It can be hard work sometimes but I keep distracting him like crazy, and if he chucks a tanty or doesn't want to leave the toy section I just keep walking. His father on the other hand does none of the above and DS it a total nightmare for him.
Its quite lovely going out with DS now - he's NO angel but he knows what to expect and he copes better.

Oh and I make a big deal about going out without DD (when she was little and I dashed out for milk or whatever) - no baby can't come, she is too little and I want you to help me with xxxx (make it up if you have to!). They seem to lurve that.

HTH - Good luck - and you are NOT the only one that doesn't have an angel!

It's been a real help to read all of your situations as i am gong through exactly the same things with my boys - except in double as they are both the same. The younger is copying off the older one and to be honest the last month or so has really been the worst ever since i've had kids. Some days i realise i haven't said anything positive to them only dont's, no's, stop! It's so depressing and has been getting me really down as i am now finding it embarrassing taking them anywhere as they are so over the top.

We have been to Ngala for help in June with parenting and they really helped with the issues we had then but these are different issues and none of those 'tricks' have been working. I guess i need to get back there for some more ideas.

They were big on 'individual' time with each but in my situation (and probably alot of others) it is impossible in the week. My DH leaves the house at 6.30am and returns around 5.30 which is then tea time followed by bath and bed so there is no time for him to look after the others while i have quality time with one. Weekends are taken up with swimming, shopping and we usually try and go somewhere as a family like the beach, so pretty tough to do it then either.

Anyway, waffle, waffle i have no answers but will watch this thread with interest - i'm just glad to find out it's not just me but it's so disheartening when everyone else i know's kids aren't remotely this bad and i've ended up with 'brats'.

take care ladies, hope we find some answers/methods to help us soon

Julie x

Tennykins-Just thought i'd also add.. My Ds doesnt listen at preschool either... They have asked me to solve the issue at home but after months of it they realise i have been trying everything possible but its not helping...

The latest is him pulling a nasty face when asked to do something and when he gets in trouble he yells back at us.

We have been having one on one time as he had been getting worse through out the pregnancy and now is worse now our DD has been around. I realise its probably the issue but its not like were not having one on one time... We have snuggles on the lounge. While i'm BF we sit all together, read a book while feeding. We eat lunch together i read to him at bed time. While DD is sleeping we do activity books, play dough, make train tracks... I have done everything i can to make him feel involved as well but his behavious still isnt changing... Its like he gets in moods where his ears arent connected to his brain and he is just plain defiant.

I do the kneeling down to speak to him, we speak calmly and do the whole run down of things. I get him involved with finding the things for shopping or what ever but now he runs off to find the things we normally get... (like milk he'll run straight off to that section grab 2 milks and try to carry them to the trolley just to run off to the next thing. i hate the arm straps but if things dont improve i'll have to resort to using one... My fear is that he'll get lost or worse get lost try to find me and end up in the car park... Have tryed walking away- but he's not scared to be alone at the shops... I'm hoping that its a BAD stage and things will improve soon... for the time being we just have to keep up being consistant with what we choose to let slide and what we dont. If i didnt ignore the little he'd be in trouble all day everyday.... I try to praise him when he's been good (even if its only for a short time)

Lulu - I wish someone would have told me this happens at around 3months. Lol. He was really really great with DS2 and I was thinking ' YAY! and telling myself it was silly to be stressing about it throughout my pg... but just this last week he's getting really really jealous now. Yeah, I knee down to him, and most of the time tell him our agenda and ask him to help me remember to get bread and milk and things like that since I'm still forgteful from the pg days. He's the opposite with me then with just DP. He behaves better when DP is around. Oh right! I haven't been making it a big deal about going out without DS2. Thanks for that. It should help.

Plonkee - I don't know how I would cope with double the trouble. Some days it does feel like all the day consists of is "do" and "don't" and "no". :hug: :hug: We've got the same kinda problem with DP's work like you do. My DP finishes between 5 and 6 and works most the weekend. The full day he actually has off we really like to spend as a family all together too - beach, picnics, etc. I really hope something starts working out with your boys.

Jess - The other day when the teacher at preschool was filling me in on his not listening, she did kind of say it as though we're not trying to fix it at home. She already knows he's the same at home as he is there, cause she's asked me if he has his own agenda at home too. I too am hoping it's a bad stage that will just move along very soon. He's starting big school next year so that surely has to help, right?

I hope you all had a great day/night and weekend.

xx

I recently did a parenting course called "Parent Effectiveness Training". I learned an awful lot. If it's available in your area, I would DEFINITELY recommend it.

It teaches you techniques for identifying problem behaviour, identifying who is responsible for the problem ,and techniques for dealing with the behaviour. The child needs to be told what the problem behaviour is, what the tangible effect on you is (ie money, effort, energy) and how you feel about it. You need to listen to the child and make sure they understand that their behaviour is causing YOU problems and if they change their behaviour, then you'll be happier.

For example: DS2 is kicking the back of the driver's seat in the car. I say "DS2, when you kick the back of my seat, I get worried that we're going to have a crash".

another example: DS1 is hitting his brother. I say "DS1, when you hit your brother, he cries, and I have to comfort him, which means I don't get time to make dinner/play games with you/read my paper in peace". Whatever is appropriate for the situation.

HTH.

Thanks heaps Divvy.

Would you believe that since I made this thread last week... DS1 has been reasonably good?? Coincidence or what? :dunno:

I'm hoping he's finally realised that good boys get to do really fun, cool, exciting things and naughty boys don't.
The real test will be whether he listens at preschool this week though.
Fingers crossed this behaviour sticks around.