Help...Friend is saying my DD has autism or showing signs of it...

Hey girls

I'm not sure If I've posted this in the right section so mods if its not you can move it :redface:

A few days ago I received an email from my friend who has a DD 1month older then me and a DD who has just turned 1.
She started to mention about my DD speech and how little she has. Was telling me I should go see the CHN as we could have problems. In the email she stated that she didn't want me getting upset and was just looking out for me as a friend.
Her eldest DD has been talking since about 11months and been stringing sentences since just over 1. To me shes a very advanced child.
Charlotte (my DD) may not say alot of words for her age, but she understands alot of things. She is also saying alot of sounds of words, just hasn't put them into the right words yet. She can reconise a few things in her books like Apples, Ice and baby. When you ask her for something or to get something she does. She has plenty of eye contact and is a very happy child.

Now yesterday, while on EB(essential baby) just looking around, I don't normally go on there as I just found the girls there not as nice as here! I came across a post that my friend had made asking the girls on there how soon can u detect autism in a child. Then went on to tell them about me and my DD and pretty much made me out to be a naive mother who wasn't doing all the "right" things.
I feel so betrayed that she has gone behind my back on a public forum especially when I thought we were pretty good friends. And also to think shes been observing Charlotte each time we have visited each other.
She is only going off what she sees when we visit, and when we do its to catch up and have adult time and let the kids play together, which they do. I didn't think I had to prove to her how good a mum I am...like get down and play with them as she made out I don't do in her post. That's a heap of lies as most the time during the week or day, Its just me and Charlotte and we play together, and I read to her and do everything. I also do not have a license so find it hard to get out and about alot and haven't been able to put Charlotte into a day care or playgroup as often as I would like for her benefit. I have to rely on my mother or sister. Who are very good with me. But they also have their own lives and can't be living theirs around mine.
I hope I haven't been all mumble jumble...as u can probably tell, I'm a bit upset over it all. Also my DP isn't worried about Charlotte at all, his SIL used to work in Child Care and has never said anything to me about it.

So what I've posted for is, has anyone had similar things happened, or do u think from what I've said that Charlotte sounds autistic. My motherly instincts tell me shes a normal 2 year old who is learning at her own rate. And comes from a family of slow talkers...

Thanks for listening and look forward to talking about it.

Deb:)

Gosh - she sounds normal to me. DS only stepped up his vocab in a big way after DD was born.. so was approaching 2yo.. and it all just took off from there. Talking from 11 months is very young. I wonder if it was only understandable by her mum & dad tho? hehe.. I think some parents give their kids more credit than is really due ;)

I would be feeling a bit upset at the way she's gone about the whole thing. I'd rather she said something in person.. not in an email.. and not discussing it on a forum in such a way. As for the other stuff she said on that forum about you not playing and stuff.. geez..

I'd probably reply to the email saying thanks for your concern, but I don't appreciate you talking about me like you have on EB!

As for autism.. I would think there'd be more to it than just delayed speech.. even then I don't think she sounds delayed anyway!

*hugs*

:hug: autism is a whole heap more than a speech delay.
Your 'friend' is not qualified to make a diagnosis in fact many of the Mums with children on the autism spectrum here at BB would testify to just how complex it can be to get an accurate diagnosis.
If you suspect that your DD does in fact have a speech delay(which is a totally differant thing to autism) your GP can refer you to a speech pathologist. It's best to get a refferal early because even the private ones have a waiting list and the public list is ginormous. Yasin sees a speech pathologist and she prefers to see children before they start schoolong so that they can sort out any issues before they start schooling.

Hi,
My DS never started talking until he was 3. All children develop at different stages, I certainly would not be worried about autism. I think your friend has stuck her nose in where it is not wanted.

Regards,
Dianne

She doesn't sound like she's showing ANY of the sounds of autism to me. Speaking at 11 months is very advanced. My DD is pretty advanced and she didn't begin speaking until 12 months. Her first word was "chops" :redface: - she's now beginning to read, at 31months, to give you a frame of reference for what i mean when i say "advanced".

Your DD sounds completely normal, my DD's best buddy is a little boy one month younger than her and he only has about 30 words and many of them are hard to recognise for anyone but his parents and close friends, and he is completely normal too!

In answer to her question, it is very difficult to diagnose autism before 4 and most doctors will begin therapy for individual issues within the condition before actually diagnosing it as such - that way they get the help they need, and some will go on to be perfectly normal kidlets who were delayed in some areas for some reason, and others will turn out to have some sort of autism spectrum-like disorder. Can you diagnose a 2 year old? NO. In fact many normal 2 year old behaviours - not talking, not following directions, tantrums, being rigidly conservative in how they want their routines to be, are actually traits of autism. If they diganosed at 2 about 97% of kids would come up autistic!

Her daughter might be very bright but she doesn't sound it herself! Does she think the internet is invisible to those who she doesn't think will see it? And could she not even work Google to actually find out what is normal and what autism is? And the daycare/playgroup worries you have - heavens! How did the human race reach its current level of advancement when every generation up until the last 2 were raised in the vast majority by their mothers in their own homes!? She is in the most secure environment possible for a child her age, she has heaps of interaction with you, she gets to see other kids. That's the ideal. I've read the studies! And all the crap about how much you play together etc. - you cannot MAKE a child autistic by not reading to them/playing with them enough. She is unresearched and yet opinionated - if i knew her i would tear her to pieces on this!

If it were me i'd sent an email back saying something like "thanks for your friendly concern. Perhaps if you didn't want me getting upset you should have thought twice before you shared it and a bunch of very critical and false assumptions about me and my mothering with a group of complete strangers on the internet. Not THAT friendly."

Bx

Both me & dh didn't start talking until we were 4 and we both went a speech therapist.
Like the others have said, there are many more things than speech delay to look out for with autism.
If you are worried, check out the Austism Australia website, and speak with your gp about it.

Deb, you've already got some great advice on here.
To add my perspective - we go to a playgroup each week and have been meeting since our kids were about 3 months (one of those council mothers groups). It has shown me how very, very different children can be! We've got a couple of kids who talk as though they are 4-5 years old already, and some who have limited speech (like my DD). Kids are all so different in their development.
Your friend just doesn't have enough to keep her occupied by the sounds of things. :hug:

Your daughter sounds perfectly normal to me....
Your 'friend' on the other hand, sounds like a :angry:

I think Poop to your so called friend... comming from someone who has a DS who has speach delays i understand the frustration when people comment on your child. My DS was a grunter as a baby. never did the chooy singing out type stuff (my DD does and its FANTASTIC). We saw that there were some kids more advanced in talking then him and it wasnt until he was 2.5 that we looked into it a bit with our GP. We worked with him for few months but noticed he had a hearing issue... (Glue ear) sometimes he's hear well and repeat word and others nothing...

He's now almost 4 and were in the process of speach therapy...

I think if your concerned see someone... Even if just to confirm there is no problem or maybe there is a small speach delay... I'd be having word to your "Friend" about what she put on the EB forum... Hugs and GL

TBH I would file that information away and just have it in the back of your mind. I had someone tell me recently that when Matilda was 2 she thought she showed signs of Autism but was too afraid to tell me. Matilda is 4 and undergoing assessments for Autism/Asperger's. Its very hard to diagnose as others have said prior to 4... Matilda is a very mild case as well with no speech delay.

Thanks girls for ur replies, makes me feel alot better

Christy: I'll be seeing the CHN next week and will definately bring the subject up, apart from her speech, I really can't see anything else that would make them think shes any different. So best to talk to someone like a nurse about it :)

I still don't know how I'll approach my friend, really is upsetting that she had to go jeopardize our friendship in the way she did it. So I'll sit on it for a bit and when I'm ready to talk to her I will... Its just hurtful cos my DD gets on so well with both of hers.

Your daughter sounds fine - I'm sure her MOTHER would notice if things weren't right. SHEEESH!

I'm sorry your 'friend' did something like that it must feel awful.

Hoobley makes a very good point. How concerned can she really be if her efforts only involve posting something fairly devoid of real fact to a bunch of EB'ers. No joke I think that place is one of the biatchiest places on the net. Does she like attention MUCH?

She could have at least tried to gain some sort of understanding of the condition she is trying to stick on your child, what a tool. Why does she pick Autism out - because its in the media so much lately? She has no idea what she is talking about ggrrrr.

Gonna have a lie down now he he

i think if there were signs , the best person to sense them or notice them would be YOU ...

of course now that your friend has planted a seed of doubt it wouldnt hurt to get it off your chest and ask the chn ..

DS only says words but looks at you funny when you ask him to say 2 words together . we have been advised to go back to the CHN a 2.6 yrs if nothing has changed ... but he is bright , and eye contact and good with motor skills .. ( his motor skills came 1st ) words came at 18mths ..


you would have a gut feeling if things werent right .. and i know it sounds hard , but be honest with your friend ... she needs to know shes out of line or she will keep doing it to you ...

I'm no expert in Autism but tell your "friend" that Albert Einstein didnt talk until he was 3 years old.

Albert Einstein had Aspergers ;) which is on the Autism Spectrum

Yeh thats wat I thought about Einstein as I'm sure I read it somewhere! My DP said that when it comes to school Charlotte could be just as bright a student and her DD might not be...u just never know what will happen!

Birth: Baby can perceive speech, cry, make some response to sound.
1.5-3 months: Coos and laughs.
3 months: Plays with speech sounds
5-6 months: Makes consonants sounds, trying to match what she or he hears
6-10 months: Babbles in strings of consonants and vowels.
8-10 months: begins to understand words (usually no and bay's own name): imitates sounds.
9 months: Uses guesters to communicate and play guesture games
10 months: Loses ability to discriminate sounds not in own launguage
10-14 months: Says first word (usual label for something) imitates sounds
13 months: understands symbolic function of naming
14 months: uses symbolic guesturing
16-24 months: Learns many new words, expanding volcabulary rapidly, going from about 50 words up to 400; uses verbs and ajectives,; speaks two word sentences.
18-24 months: says first sentence
20 months: uses fewer guestures, names more things
24 months: Uses many 2-word phrases, no longer babbles, wants to talk
30 months: Learns new words almost every day; speaks in combination of 3 or more words; understands very well; makes many grammatical mistakes
36 months: Says up tp 1000 words, 80% intelligible; makes few mistakes in syntax; grammar is close to informal adult speech.

Source: Bates O'Connell & Shore, 1987

I would be pretty upset too if my best friend went behind my back like that. I'm no expert, but I would no way make any assumptions based on her speech alone and at her age. My brother has Aspergers and he did not begin talking until he was 4. Your DD sounds very interactive by what you've said, something my brother was not. He would scream in your face, and did not interact well with others, especially strangers and other kids. And he has it mild. He had speech therapy and aids in school and now he's 21 and you really could not tell there is anything different about him!

I hope you don't stress over it, she sounds perfectly "normal"!