clingy...is it a characteristic they pick up or is it you?

Hi there, just wondering whether a clingy baby is something you can have control over, are they born like that? Or it is something you can control? Do you think it is a characteristic they pick up?

My SIL just mentioned tonight that it may be something you can control and I immediately thought "oh no, my DD is clingy...what have I done wrong?"

SIL didn't mean it like that though, she is a fantastic Mum to 3 girls...

Would love to hear your opinions about this??

I think it depends on the baby and you know what, I think babies are meant to be clingy to a certain extent.

I do though think what we do can make it a bit better or a lot worse. By we I don't just mean the mummy, but also dads, other relatives etc. If dad is reluctant to hold the baby and only mum does the holding, then of course the bub will only be used to mum and reluctant to go to others (ok this may not apply to 100% of bubs).

DD1 was clingy in the sense that she wanted me to be around, but did not always need to be held by me, just got upset if I left the room. DD2 is very clingy, really prefers to be held by me. She will go to others for a short while, but then wants me. DD2 has been the one who has been handed to others a lot more than her sister, so I would have assumed that she would be less clingy, but she is not.

Best not to beat yourself up over it. As frustrating as it can be, it is only for a short while in respect to their whole lives. Also it is lovely to have someone who wants you and only you ;)

I think it's a personality trait that you have no control over.
My first two bubs were not clingy at all and would happily go to visitors and cuddle and all but my third was and still is very clingy to me. From very young he would visibly stiffen and cry. Now he holds onto my leg and cries and takes ages to warm up to visitors.
It can be frustrating but that's just the way he is.

I think it must be a stage because my DD has always been really good at going to other people except for the past few days. In saying that I agree with Astrid that sometimes there might be particular mums and dads who promote it by being over-protective etc. I think if it became a problem .ie it went on for a very long time then you might need to try something but just let it ride - that's what we're doing!

i raised both my girls pretty much exactly the same.

One was clingy one wasnt. one is a tomboy one isnt. one is a daddy's girl one isnt. one likes rice one doesnt..... get my drift?

I will preface my answer by saying I have a kind of emotional issue here, so don't mind me if I get too emotive!!

I was a clingy baby. I was just reading through my own baby book that my mum kept and multiple times it mentions how clingy I was. As an adult, I tend to be a sensitive person and get easily overstimulated and like time alone (this sounds icky, but it comes with lots of good stuff too). Its very common for a sensitive/ introverted personality type to be a clingy baby. As others have said, its all down to personality. (not that every baby that is clingy is necessarily sensitive or introverted, just that most people who are sensitive/ introverted were clingy as babies....LOL)

Anyhow, sadly my mum is a very different personality to me and she was not best equipped to understand or deal with a child like me and she kept trying to push me to be more independent. I say push, not gently encourage, which are very different things. As a result I grew up with a shakey sense of security and thinking that my sensitivity was a really bad, shameful thing. I know its a bit simplistic to lay this all at my poor mum's feet, but her response to my clingyness was certainly a contributing factor.

So I guess I am saying, I think clingyness is a personality trait and, as pp said, your response is critical. The mere fact you are posting about this indicates you are highly supportive of your LO, so big hugs and never underestimate the value of your support! Giving your LO a secure base from which she can explore on her own terms is a wonderful gift. You're doing a great job. :D

Sorry about the lengthy personal post!!

Jessica, wow, what a wonderful post to me. Thank you so much for your input. It really made so much sense. I am very sensitive to my DD's needs and I will ensure that I gently encourage her throughout her life but also accept how she is as a person. I am sorry to hear you were pushed to be more independent though. At least you are well aware of who you are and what has happened. That is a big thing. Thank you so much. I am also sensitive as an adult and was a clingy baby!

Everyone else, thanks for your posts, I was so interested in what others thought about this subject!

Hi!
My DS is very clingy! He is also very sensitive & jumpy (scares easily). I believe that it is to do with alot of things.
Firstly, with 3 kids it is hard to get out too much.
Second, I was living away from family & friends with a DH who was never home coz of work.
Third, when DH was home he was tired, or busy, or something else...
So, baisically DS has on;y had me. He only knows me. I now am living with my parents & in the week & a half I've been here he's changed alot He will happily go to my mum, dad & sister. He's had time to get to know them. He is still extremely clingy & sensitive though. Which I think is just him & his personality.
I'm not going to change much. I do know though that I have to change things. One of the reasons I am here. If someone gets too close to him that he doesn't know, even with a smile on their face, he freaks out & starts screaming.
So my DS does need to be socialised a little more. I, in my heart know that. I believe that all mum's know what is best for their baby. You are her mum. You know what she needs. If its you, then thats what she should have. Simple as that.
Don't forget also that at 10 months she is just ealising that she is not actually part of you & is more aware of her surroundings. You are home, & safe. I still cling to my mummy, just not in quite the same way!!!

thanks everyone for your replies, some informative stuff there.