Im the luckiest mummy alive - part 2.
I hear her crying and without a thought I get up and rush to her room. I imagined a pink and yellow room for Mia, decorated with my little ponies. Half asleep i look at the walls, they are still beige and the cot isnt in the corner, there are no toys, no ponies and no baby Mia smell, what I imagined isnt real. Worst of all she isnt crying for me, its all another horrible dream.
Its been awhile since I lost her and Im still struggling with my health, Rehab from death isnt nice, low iron makes me so tired, the multiple pills I have to take is insane. Ive re-learnt to read the time and know the value of numbers again, but I think Im a little dyslexic now. I sometimes stutter too but with concentration I will fix these inconveniences.
My body is tired though. Some days I can barely move, and my skin OMG. The cuts and sores that dont bleed nor heal and my hair... you dont want to know. Everything hurts, my joints, my feet, my ears ring constantly and I now get monstrous headaches, my body has changed. My mind has changed too; Im stronger but also weaker. Im so sensitive toward anger and yelling, and loud noises are just horrible. People who walk around anrgy and rude scare me now. People need to learn to be respectful of others, its a necessity that has been lost in society, so I stutter a bit now and loose my words often, give me a break Im fighting back ... grrr... (ok wont preach anymore).
I wish things were different but lets face it Im not exactly crumbling, Im a mum and so I can fight this with the sharpest of claws, I was born to fight... But how do I fight these bloody dreams, they really mess me up.
Her birthday is coming so maybe thats why Im dreaming more.
