I am sure that its very common to be freaking out about approaching labour and birth, but I am terrified of it. I really want my baby boy more than anything, but scared something will happen to him or he will get hurt during labour and birth. I am scared I wont be able to cope and scared that something will go wrong.
I would love to hear from you gals who have some positive comments and encouraging words for us terrified first timers!
Puppies - :hug: I haven't had my baby yet either and it's my first however I have read some really positive things in a book called BIRTH. I'll share it with you -
Some positive thoughts to take into labour with you -
* Your pelvis is not fused and does stretch and open, expanding for the amazing process of birth.
* Your baby's skull bones are divided into five plates that cross over during labour, making their head smaller by moulding, to fit the birth canal.
* Your baby has an innate sense of crawling or burrowing, as they move down and out of the uterus and through your pelvis to be born. Gravity helps your pelvis open and aids the descent of your baby.
Also...... I keep saying to myself "I am designed to give birth to my baby and my body will help me do this" "I can do this" "this is natural" ..... positive affirmations help me with any fears i have.... you should try it. Just keep saying that.
Try not to let your fears make you too scared..... rather instead, turn those fears into positive statements such as above...... that will help.... alot of it is in your mind. Our minds are such a powerful tool and can help shape our birth experience i believe.
I look forward to hearing positive posts from others too :D
Here's a nice story for you.
I was due on the 22/05/07 and at 7am 22/05/2007 I had my 1st contraction. Was doing normal things all day until the pain got a little to strong. Went to hossy and they said I was 4cm dialated!
long story short had Miss Annabelle Marie at 12:19am 23/05/07, she was 19mins overdue :lol:
No cuts , tears or drugs.
Nice enough for you :D
Now Im scared as my 1st pg and birth went text book the next will be terrible! :lol:
Good luck with it all. You will be fine. Breath and stay focused!
When I had my first baby, I was being induced and I was so freaked out I needed pethidine *before* labour even started!!! I was barely twenty years old, and i'd had little preparation. I was terrified. I am not a good person with pain so I was not at all sure that I would cope at all.:
In the end, it was wonderful. It was hard work, and yeah, it hurt. Most labours work out well, most babies turn out fine, and there's no need to think yours won't. And if you really feel you can't manage, there is pain relief for you. Avoid reading bad labour stories, delight in the amazing job your body has done and concentrate on the wellness of your pregnancy!
i was going for a vabc and petrefied that something would happen ... something did happen : it was called Labour and birth ..
looking back heres my thoughts :
* ctx (even tho i had 3 days of prelabour) were not as bad as i thought they would be ..
* my waters breaking naturally was the best feeling in the world . it really gave me the satisfaction that i could do this on my own with no intervetnion ..
* whileist my ctx had no gap inbetween , i begged for an epidural, got a internal and i was 9cm..I found so much strength after that ..
* pushing is an overwheling urge that i let my body take over and just went with it , the pushing didnt hurt
* having a wet slimy and pruple thing on your bare chest is the most wonderful feeling in the world ..
I actually had a CS with my 1st babe as i had Tokophobia. ( a mental issue where you are simply too afriad to labour , not like your every day fears , Real disturbing . unreal fears ..it was horrible .. I was suffering from OCD at the time) and this time with #2 i had a wonderful birth , 8 hrs all up inc 30 mins of pushing ...
believe in your body , it was desigend for this .. its your gift !!
Thought I should add. the hole experience was amazing. Yes ouch! But amazing! To see what I could do as a woman a young 19yr old woman! i cry when I stub my toe yet during birth I realised the job infont of me and did it.
Think of every contraction as one less ;)
Think of the only way to be out of pain is to give birth to that little wonder making its journey into the world.
Enjoy it as much as possible and dont think about it leading up to it. I found myself a completely different person in that labour room, with a completely different mind set so the one your in now cant even conprehend how it will turn out.
Our first little one was born at home. DW niggled in labour all day, and really started to establish around 3:00, 4:00pm. The midwife checked her at 5:00pm and she was only 1cm, and we were thinking that this would go all night! So DW rested in the bath for a while, which helped the contractions ease off, before they really started going again; by 9:00pm, she was 7cm, and by 10:20pm, our first little girl was born!
It was a wonderful experience. We had lots of support from our midwives and we read heaps about it all. Educate yourself and have confidence in what your body can do.
Puppies - kudos to you for articulating what many feel.
We live in a technically advanced society with huge emotional and social deficits. Never is this quite as apparent as when we discuss/experience birth.
There is so much fear and drama when birth is discussed (often). People seem to love to tell you how "bad" it was - having seen a LOT of births - rarely is the reality so dramatic.
Your body is incredible - amazing and efficient. Your body was designed to birth your baby - but as with all journey's of the soul it can be painful. Courage, support and faith is required.
Birth goes well MOST of the time. Educate yourself to the what if's of c/section but KNOW that if you are educated, if you are supported thru labour by a woman that is known to you and trusted by you (a doula, midwife) the most likely outcome is a healthy baby and an intact mother.
I believe (this may be out there for some but humour me...;)) that in the corner of every room where a woman births there is the essence/spirits of wise woman. Birthing is the ultimate spiritual event - a true miracle in progress. We DO NOT do it alone - but we are responsible for planning this birth meticulously. In the west we spend countless dollars on a wedding - countless hours planning every detail down to the ink on the place cards - which is all well and good. We need to do that with our births. We are responsible for setting up good support for the labour and afterwards - for having the birthing environment just how we would like it. This is a huge event in a woman (and man's life) - treat it with the sacredness it deserves! Education is important. Loving, gentle and educated women to guide you thru your journey are not "just nice extras" - they are imperitive.
Believe in your body - it is the same design as all the women who have gone before you. Believe in the journey - for birth is part of your journey as a woman.
Truly know that you really can do this. Smell your baby's hair, feel the pressure in your perineum. Yell YES!
I know it's a favourite of mine - but can I say it again... Your head gives birth before your Hoo Haa. So train your mind and love your body....
ETA: I have birthed 5 babies through my vagina and two surgically.
Nothing in all of this world compares to the bliss that is experienced when you push your child out and meet her for the first time. Nothing - it is truly the most amazing experience. I had 5 really powerful vaginal births - one quite challenging one. But each I had the support of loving, educated women to help my on my journey...
What you are feeling is absolutely normal... goes through everyone's mind during pregnancy at some stage, even the men freak out a bit .
Most of my memories from labour and birth are good... yeah it hurts, but it is so empowering and exciting knowing that the baby you have grown in your womb for so long is about to be held in your arms. You are a woman and as such have been give the gift of giving birth to your little babe.
Embrace what is ultimately your destiny, take control of a time in your life that will forever be etched into your memory.... It's all so thrilling, you are in for a heck of a ride and I am sure you will be fantastic
Congratulations!!
Tanya
Print off the above post and take it with you.
Flowerchild - that was the best post I've ever read.
I would say that it's hard to get your head around how this thing is going to come out of you when you're in a normal state of mind. Birth may be natural, but it is sooo not normal. It feels surreal, almost like you're on drugs. Your body and mind are in an enhanced state. I had augmentation in labour with DD, but even then the ctx didn't feel anything like what I expected. I just had gas, no epi, no cuts, tears or grazes. You will be ok. the process will take over and you will go with it. At the end of it you'll have your beautiful baby. GL!
Puppies, you are going to be WONDERFUL!!!!
My advice to you is read lots of great stories and inform yourself as to what's going to happen in your body. Having said that, nothing will adequately prepare you for what it actually *feels* like to give birth, because it is just so awesome, and such a privilege.
You are strong, capable and powerful.
Natalie's birth was really tough, and it went for a long while. But it was the most ecstatic experience of my entire life. I'm nervous about doing it again, sure. I think it is natural to feel aprehensive before such an amazing experience. But I know I can do it, and I know there is absolutely no feeling in this world like holding that precious baby to yourself after struggling to birth her - it makes your heart burst.
Deb - I wish you were closer to be with me for my birth :hug:
Puppies - remember it is pain with a purpose. I loved my labour with my son. My first birth was a nasty induction for a stillbirth but my second child brought me an understanding of the power of the female body. Yes - I ended up with an emergency c-section BUT I laboured drug free to 7cm. And it was wonderful. I am hoping to complete the process this time.
The surges come in short waves and you can visualise them as a wave where you reach the peak and they taper off with you sliding down the other side. They start slowly and get stronger and closer together but it is manageable sensations. It is like you are being introduced to them slowly so that after each one you can go "that was ok - I can manage that" before being given the next one.
Imagine your cervix opening like a flower and your uterus contracting effectively to move your little person down and out of your soft and flexible vagina that expands to receive and deliver your child.
Your head is your most important tool in labour. Practice imagery that assists to to see a successful birthing - whatever that is for you. By being able to see it as a positive experience you decrease the stress hormones that are released when you have fear and prevent a slowing of labour.
Thank you for being brave enough to verbalise what many feel in the lead up to birth. I hope the posts from some very wise women can help you :hug:
one of the best things a friend told me when i was about to have DD was to relish just how primal the whole experience is. our bodies are just AMAZING things and the beauty that comes with knowing that our babies are helping us during the birth is something that i kept focussing on (i kept telling myself that she was helping me and that she was going through the same thing...sometimes you can *forget* you are having a baby...in the sense that when contractions get on top of each other you can lose focus... so this was a nice way to connect to bubs throughout the process).
JIC you're wondering my friend said: 'Clare, it's just so [expletive] primal, it's amazing!' i just kept remembering her words.
I know it's hard to imagine, but you will get through it. And on the other side it is just one day in your new life with your baby, a very special one of course. Before you know it, it will seem like it was in another lifetime.
With all of our technology it is still a completely primal experience as Cassius says.
Birth is a rite of passage as old as human life, and one that every mother has survived.
Michelle - I wish I could be there too - if it was doable I would come in a heartbeat. Maybe it is? :hug:
Has anyone read the book "the journey" Brandon Bays???
She talks about (very simplistically) going into the pain, fear, sorrow - but for the purposes of this the fear. This is not a book on birth but on being truly present to our emotions. I think that is really relatable to birthing.
Resist the opportunity to run from it when our mind takes us there - sometimes we go: "I am really really scared"... We walk to the edge of the water - we dip in our toes (metaphorically) and we say "nah I am not going there". What would it feel like if we dipped in our toes - then waded in and then immersed ourselves completely - I call that surrender. Just allow it to be as it is - it might be scary and nasty and ugly - but as human beings it can be tempting to always live as if by only dipping in our toes.
As a woman we have the opportunity to jump into that water. It happens around 9cms - doctors call it transition - I call it the "calling". As a woman those wise Women in the corner of the room call you - they call your body - they call your baby. As a Woman in our heads we have to make the decision to jump into the water - no toe dipping is gonna get this baby born sister! You have to jump - when your perineum burns and you want to mouth "NO"! You are challenged to push - even though it is going to hurt like nothing you have ever experienced. You can choose to mouth YES! When you say Yes! in your heart, in your head and you push into that pain (or jump into that water) the result is absolute pure joy and ecstacy. I promise you that!
So it is with life - thru the most unthinkable pains and sorrows there is always always something golden.
Birth teaches us much of what life is like (I believe) and as Women - this is a gift that we really need to receive...
It is raw energy - it is primal and it is millenia old. The room is always full when a woman births. There is always a wise Woman calling you - you just need to listen! ;)
Geez Deb, can I have you at my VBA2C???? Puh-leese???
My first birth was 11 hours. What took my by surprise is that I thought I would be resisting the temptation for drugs - but it never occurred to me to want them. I was so amazed at how my body knew what to do, how all the hormones helped me focus and birth my baby.
I learned beforehand that contractions felt like waves, and that knowledge helped me feel that I knew what was happening.
Knowing that the pain of transition means I'm almost there is a great encouragement.
So is reaching up and feeling the head. It's exciting.
As others have said, labour is productive pain, it is achieving a result, and every contraction brings you closer to your baby. And your body eases you into it.
Before my first, I tried not to overthink. I was going to birth a baby, I couldn't avoid it, so I would learn to make it a good experience. My body would deal with it when it happened. If something did go wrong (nothing did), there was no point worrying about possibilities beforehand.
After my first, do you know what I said? 'I could do that again'. It was the best feeling afterward, to have had a baby, to gently hold this amazing miracle on my chest and touch his little fingers and nose. I'm smiling just remembering. It is all worth it.