Just won't settle day or night! HELP

Hi all,

I am desperate to find out if anyone else is going through the same and what they have done to resolve it. Our little boy is now 4 weeks old (born premi at 34+1 after my waters broke at 30 weeks and he came home 2 weeks ago) and it makes no difference whether it is day or night he just won't settle unless he is sleeping on Mummy!. My husband can hold him in his arms for a little while and then when he tries to put him down in the Basinett the little man wakes almost straight away (if we put our hand next to his face in the basinett then he attempts to settle) We have tried putting him down straight after a feed, 30 mins after a feed to allow for burping and cuddles (The hospital say he should still be in the womb so he needs cuddles!), in his cot rather than his basinett... you name it we have tried it.

We are told that at his age he wouldn't be able to establish a routine but I feel like he has and it's me! (kitchen and bed). We had to take him to emergency on Saturday night and came home after a short stay in hospital just last night (he is fine now). I am convinced that he is traumertised and thats why he never settles. The poor little chap has been handled by so many different people!

He has got reflus and is on a liquid medication that Pediatrician gave us.

Just based on what I have said above does anyone have any suggestions? Has anyone else experienced this?

Thanks
Ella

Poor little man has had a tough introduction to the world!

Don't despair at this point that he wants to sleep on his mummy. He is so used to being tucked up nice and tight and warm inside you - its a big world out here to adjust too. If he has reflux then that makes things more difficult too. DD#1 had pretty severe reflux and spent probably the first five months of her life having all her day sleeps on me. DD#2 took a few weeks to get used to sleeping on her own so we co-slept for a while.

My best advice would be just to go with it at this point. Your DS is so tiny. Enjoy those snuggly cuddles while they last and take advantage of your enforced rest while your DS is sleeping on you.

We had the same thing with DS2 and he was only 4 weeks early. I don't know if being early was the reason, but for the first 12 weeks he would just scream. He would settle in the sling most of the time (if I kept moving), but really nowhere else, not even in my arms or on me. We tried everything, nothing worked. Except time. Once he hit 12 weeks, things magically got better. And the funny thing is, since then he has been the best sleeper and eater that you could imagine. So there is some hope in there for you.

My advice is to do whatever works. If sleeping on you works, have him sleep on you. You will be totally exhausted and looking after yourself at this point is vital. Do whatever you have to do. Ignore house work, buy takeway, let him sleep on you for as long as he likes. Enjoy the rest and go with the flow. You are definitely not going to set up bad habits. When he is ready, he'll settle somewhere else. It might take less than 12 weeks, it might take more. But it will happen. :hug:

Oh, and if you don't already have one, buy a sling ;) . It's one of the best things I ever got. Mine was a ring sling, but there are lots of different types.

My advice would be a baby hammock. They cocoon the baby, much like how they sleep in the womb. You can also rock the baby to sleep. We got one for ds when he was 4 months old, I wish I had one when he was born. They are a few treads in bb about them.

We put MJ's cot on an angle for the first 6 mths.
She HATED being flat and i suspect that it was something to do with the mild reflux that she had.
We got 2 books, (stephanie Alexander cookbook and a Medical dictionary - to give you an example of the size) and put one under each foot at the 'head' end of the cot.
This really really helped.

MJ slept on us for most of her day sleeps early on, not cos she had to, but i didnt want to put her down, i did find that if she was in the bouncer she was better too, so often she would have day sleeps in that as she got a bit older.

When she is having a bad night she will come into bed with us and she literally sleeps on top of me, sort of kneeing head in my neck and legs on the bed, she is comfy, she sleeps well and eventially i do to.
I second what MR says, do what you have to a say :nahnah: to the people that tell you that you are creating a rod for your bad, phah, they are only little once, you cant bring that back.

We are in the middle of teaching MJ to settle herself, again (it all went out the window a month or so ago), some days are good, some are bad, but she is not hysterical EVER and we just do what needs to be done, if we have a bad day, well there is always tomorrow to try again iykwim

I also second the sling idea... I have hung washing done the washing, the dishes, the mopping and sweeping etc etc with her in it... Especially for a premmie who needs the cuddles and closeness, they are magic... and again its not a rod ;)

:hug: hang in there, it will get better :)

Hi Ella Ella - I agree with PP. Just let bubs sleep on Mummy! I had to do it with my bub and now I miss it. Enjoy it while you can. Forget everything else. This time is so precious. Eventually, I moved bub from me to his cot and he stayed asleep but it took weeks. Later, I found he slept in the car capsule (in the house) during the day - I think because he was all snuggled in. Good luck. Don't expect too much too soon. Bubs just loves being with you.

Hi there,

Thanks for all your replies. I now feel like it is OK for him to sleep on me. It's so easy to feel like you are failing but when you know others are or would do the same then it helps.

We have the Basinett on an angle (under two telephone books) and he doesn't like it in there still so we have no invested in a hammock and yesterday after a couple of hours trying to get him to settle we managed to get him to sleep in it for a good 2 hours. One thing we have noticed with him is that if he sleeps on his back (we saw the pattern in the hammock yesterday) his reflux plays up on him and he has a pattern of moan, groan, lets out a yelp, his face goes red almost purple from pushing or squeezing then he sleeps silently for about 7minutes (my husband timed this) then the cycle starts again. He is asleep (I think) but the noises that come from he are really disturbing.

He slept on me last night and when he does he has a good 4 hours between feeds and he makes very little noise! We are seeing our pead today so i'll be asking about this. When he is awake and gets reflux he goes the red purple colour and the screams that come out are of pain. I like to think I know what his cries mean now i.e food, dirty nappy, tired etc.

We bought an Ergo carrier aswell which we are going to start using in the next couple of weeks so i may be able to get some things done around the house (we tried him in it and even with the infant insert folded he is still a little too small).

Dreading the move to the Cot!

Thank you all so much for getting back to me. Coming from Wales in the UK i don't have any family here and Belly Belly has been a life line for me (us).

Thanks again and if you have any other hinters please let me know :-)

Ella
:-)

Its so easy to think you're doing the wrong thing isn't it. I honestly think the most important thing for a new mum to learn is that if what she is doing is working for her baby, then she can't be doing the wrong thing. Hang in there. You will get the hang of it really quickly and in a few short weeks you will start feeling as confident and competent as the other mothers you see around and envy at this point.

That's great that your DS is sleeping on you so well. Like I said above, my DD slept on me for months. Reflux is such a nasty thing for such tiny little bodies. Hopefully your paed will have some suggestions to improve things for your DS. How are you putting your DS into the ergo? I know there are two explanations on the DVD and I found one worked for me and one didn't. I had DD#2 in the ergo from birth and she was a fairly little girl. I put the shoulder straps on loosely and then wrapped the insert around DD like a blanket. I then slotted her in the insert into the carrier with her head against my left bb and her feet hanging (barely) through the bottom right side of the carrier. Then do up the "chest" strap and tighten the shoulder straps so that he is really nice and snug against you. It does take a bit of jiggling sometimes. Give it a go and let me know if you still have problems.

As for dreading the cot, don't worry about it. There's nothing saying your DS has to be in the cot so just forget you've got it for a little while. The time will come when he (and you) are ready. Until then, go with what works.

Good luck. It must be very hard for you on your own out here. The ladies on BB are so incredibly helpful and we all have meet ups so whatever State you're in, when you're ready check out the member meet ups and maybe get to know some of us in person.

I recommend trying a baby hammock too, it was a life saver for us when we had DS1. He would only sleep on me and I became so exhausted. He loved his hammock and he became a brilliant sleeper!

Hi Ella

The best tip that we were given in hospital might help you out.

A really experienced (old!) midwife suggested that we heat a wheat bag in the mircrowave (about 2 mins?) and warm up our baby's bassinette for 5 minutes before trying to lay him down.

I would put the warm wheat bag under the blanket so that the mattress and blanket warmed up. It makes perfect sense, because Bub has your body warmth to keep them settled, and then it is quite a shock to be layed down into a cold bed. I only needed to do this until Bub was about 5 weeks old, after that he would stay asleep when I layed him down.

Give it a go!

our DD never went in a cot. always slept on me through the day and at night she would sleep with us. i would just sleep with her through the day, i just went with the flow (and believe me, asked heaps of questions on BB about it!) otherwise i would have become sleep deprived and unhappy mummy=unhappy baby. i would curl up on the couch and sleep with her sometimes or we'd lie down.

at 9.5months, she went in her own toddler bed and we've never looked back since. she has been fine and the transition has been great. just hated a cot (what a waste of money that was, if only i knew before i bought it, LOL!).

good luck with everything, i know it is hard but it doesn't last forever ;)

Hi,

Our little man is almost 13 weeks old with a corrected age of nearly 7 weeks. I became so desperate that we were offered a spot at Tresillian. My DH and I are both from the UK and have no family and very little practical support.

Tresillian was great I was a tad sceptical as I had heard controlled crying was used. To my surprise it was a fantastic experience. I was placed with 2 other mums with babies with similar issues and we were each given 1-1 advice and tactics. It was a 5 day stay in Willoughby and for anyone that is having issues and have no support this is the place to go.

I am happy to report my DS sleeps in his own Cot day and night in his own room. This is our first week home so it is early days but he is still managing on average 6 sleeps a day and is on 3 - 4 hourly feeds. I have really seen a change in him :-) he is happy and calm and will sit and wait for 20 or so mins for food, he will go in the car seat and he is very happy to spend time with DH. Bath time is also not a screaming drama. I can see how important good sleep and structure has been for him.

I am missing my cuddles and sleeps with him but this is clearly what he wanted and needed (probably more than me). He still has his big screams at the 'witching hour' but at least it is only 1 hour!

So thanks everyone for your comments and support :-)

Ella
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