Lost her at 20 weeks

I found out I was pregnant right away with our 3rd child towards the end of August. Before I even knew I was late my oldest son was talking about his baby sister. I figured out I was late and we started prenatal care around the 5th week. I felt so positive about this pregnancy considering my 2nd son was born 10 weeks early. I had some bleeding problems with him from the beginning of my 2nd trimester on. At the 25th week I was hopsitalized and got steroids for his lungs and he wasn't born for another 5 weeks. Both of my boys are healthy and I was positive about this 3rd pregnancy.

After sex one day in October I had some red blood. I was devastated because I felt oh no, here we go again. It lasted for one day. 10 days later I started spotting and it never really stopped. It would just get light for a couple of days. Maybe one or two days there was nothing, but then it would go back to spotting, then a little more, then a little more. Cramps this time. I didn't have that with the second pregnancy and it was scarey. I went to the emergency room and had to insist on an ultrasound because I was so early the ER doc didn't seem to think it mattered if I knew if I was miscarrying or not. But there she was...she was ok. That was around week 14.

I was being watched closely, going to the dr every week or two and was on bedrest for most of that time. I was hospitalized overnight at week 19(the week of Thanksgiving) for bleeding again. Ultrasounds indicated that her fluid was low but the doc said everything looked ok and I was released to go home and I spent Thanksgiving with my family and went for another check up the Friday after Thanksgiving and everything looked ok. The doc said her fluid was still low, but he classified it as low/normal. He scheduled me for an appointment with a maternal fetal medicine specialist.

I went to that appointment last Wednesday. The night before I was starting to get heavy and was so glad I had a dr's appointment the next day. However, I had no idea what that next day was going to be like for me and my family. My ultrasound with the specialist indicated an placental abruption and my baby had no fluid left. She was still alive with a heartbeat of 162. But the outcome was bleak. It didn't take long though. I went home and had consistent bleeding and cramping/contractions, etc. Once it went into my back I couldn't take it and called my regular doc and he sent me to the hospital and when I got there she was still alive with a strong heartbeat. Within an hour and a half I delivered my little girl. She was born on 12/3/08 @ 4:56pm & weighted 7.4 ounces & was 9 inches long.

I held my baby in my arms. I kissed her. We took pictures. We named her Trina Lynn. We had a memorial for her on Saturday at our church. And now I am left with trying to figure out how to live my life. Thank God I have two little boys that I have to live for. And I am completely blessed with the best supportive husband in the world! It is horrible to have to deal with this emotional pain. And on top of that I have to deal with the physical pain of my milk coming in. Milk that was meant for my little girl but instead of I have to deal with the pain of engorged hard breasts. Other than that I physically feel better except for some lingering back pain and only minimal cramps. The bleeding is getting lighter. Now I just wish I was still bleeding because I was carrying my baby and trying to overcome those issues. But I know I didn't do anything wrong and there wasn't anything I could've done to prevent this. But as a mother it is just difficult to know I couldn't protect her. I could've save her or get her even 4 more weeks to possibly save her life.

This is all just fresh and new for me so I'm just here to figure out what to do next and how to go on living my life without my daughter.

Hi,
I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious daughter. I lost my son at 24wks and I know how unbearable the pain you are going through is. You will find lots of comfort and support here on BB, I'm so glad you found us. There are no words I can say to take away your pain but it will get better. Just take day by day and grieve, let it all out, cry, scream if you have to. The pain of losing your daughter will never go away but you will learn how to deal with that pain and it will get better in time. Hold the memories of your daughter close to your heart.

Regards,
Dianne

I am so sorry for your loss. There is no way for me to fully understand what you are going through, but my heart goes out to you and your family. Hold those little boys in your arms and remember your precious littel girl.

Hi there,

I am so very sorry for the loss of your beautiful little girl. I walked your path in October this year when I lost my precious little boy at almost 21 weeks, we named him Joshua Andrew. He was due on 12 February 2009. I have a large fibroid which started dying with my expanding uterus and then it caused the uterus to contract and I went into labour.

For weeks I blamed myself for not going with my gut instinct to remove the fibroid before I attempted to get pregnant. My OB always assured me that it was fine.
Now he admits that the fibroid aggrivated the urerus, only he hasn't seen a case like mine before. Lucky me.

Today I was told the fibroid is dead and it needs to be removed 'just in case'.
I can cope with that, although I can't help but feel this fibroid cost me my baby's life.

You are so lucky that you have the support of your husband and you two children. Believe me, you'll need it. My partner has been my rock, eventhough he was falling to pieces too.

I'm so glad you held your precious little angel and kissed her, and loved her. These memories will be with you forever and you will always cherish them. She'll always will be your little girl and your little angel, always watching over you and your family.

Please don't blame yourself for anything, as nothing you've done is your fault.

I wish you much strenght through this very difficult time, and I'm sending you lots of love and hugs :hug:

God bless.

Beata.

Big :hug:

So sorry for your loss.

I lost my little girl at about 19 wks and yes it is very hard. But with time you do start to heal.

For now, just allow yourself to grieve. Dont supress that, because i did to a certain extent and its not good.

Thinking of you and your precious angel :hug:

I'm so sorry for your loss, my heart truly goes out to you.

I recently walked in your shoes and know exactly how you feel. It's the most painful thing you will ever have to go through. As time passes even though you will never forget, it will get easier especially with all the support from this forum. The women on this site are one in a million.

I'm sending you lots of hugs. Take care darls

I am so, so, sorry for your loss. I'll keep you in my prayers . Sending cyberhug.

I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful Trina
I can not begin to imagine what you must be going through, no mother should have to go through the pain of losing her baby, it's just not fair.
Take care of yourself and we are all here if you need to talk.
xxx

I am so sorry you lost your beautiful little girl. Bless her, you and your family will be in my prayers

I am so sorry for your loss of your little angel. I am sure she is watching over you :cry:
Hugs!

Trina's Mum, I am so sorry for the loss of your little girl. I too lost a daughter at 19-weeks recently, it is a very painful thing to go through. I can understand that feeling of wanting to protect your child, but in this case there was clearly nothing you could do, it was taken out of your hands. You will always hold her in your heart, she's in peace, in God's care.

Take care of yourself
Berry